Nottingham News for W/E 10 Dec 2011 - with comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 11 December 2011


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image for Nottingham News for W/E 10 Dec 2011 - with comments
Is down this where Nottingham is going?

3 Dec 0211: Ambulance paramedic 'Inhaled laughing gas' while at the wheel
The Nottingham Evening Post
He was based in Derbyshire, has now been suspended from the Health Professions Council register for misusing Entonox while on duty.

​Entonox is a mixture of nitrous oxide - or laughing gas - and oxygen, and is also known as "gas and air".

"You've got to laugh!"

3 Dec 0211: Police need help in identifying this man who brandished a knife as he carried out a robbery in Sherwood, Nottingham
This is Nottingham
The incident happened in the Nisa supermarket in Mansfield Road.

CCTV footage of the incident shows the man holding a large knife as he leans over the counter and then grabs something with his left hand.

No one was injured in the incident, which took place at 10.55pm

Anyone who recognises the man in the images, or knows anything about the incident should telephone Nottinghamshire Police on 101, ext. 802 4687

Can you identify this man?

"That would be the supermarket:
* Just down the road from where a nursing home was burgled last week.
* 200 yards from where a stolen car was crashed, and Police Officers injured in the following mellee, in September.
* Across the road from the bus stop where an 80 year old lady was mugged last month.
* A few shops down from the bookies that got raided last month.
* Just up the road from where a pensioner got mugged last week.
* Where the council are putting some seats on the pavement, so we can get mugged in comfort.
* Two shop units away from the closed down Police contact point.

Would you like to join me in living in the quaint, enriched populace in Nottingham Mr Cameron - without your 24hr protection team of course!?

5 Dec 2011: Have-a-go duo helped police catch gang of street muggers
Nottingham Evening Post
Two have-a-go heroes have been commended by a judge for helping police catch robbers who targeted terrified students for just a few pounds.

Off-duty doorman Bingham Ward and colleague James Sadler intervened when the two university students were mugged by three men in Milton Street, in Nottingham city centre, on October 26.

One robber demanded just £1 from a victim, Nottingham Crown Court heard. When the student handed this over, the thug then asked for a further £1.50.

Seeing this unfold, the man's terrified friend got out his wallet and showed the robbers he only had loose change.

But instead of abandoning the robbery, one took the wallet and helped himself to £10.

The court heard that during the incident it appeared one of the robbers may have had a knife, as he had his hand in his pocket and was moving it around, but no weapon was produced or found.

The offenders walked off but Mr Ward and Mr Sadler followed them on to Parliament Street.

Mr Ward then flagged down a (rare) passing patrol car and told police what had happened and where the offenders had gone.

Baker, 28, Haxby, 37, and Disney, 35, were arrested and searched. Officers found £30 and loose change.

Welcome to Nottingham!

5 Dec 2011: Man escapes gun shots
This is Nottingham
A MAN escaped injury after the car he was sitting in had it windscreen smashed following reports of a gun shot.

Police were called out to Wolsey Avenue, Radford, at around 11.50pm last night after reports of a gun shot, and are now investigating.

Anyone with any information is asked to contact Nottinghamshire Police on 101 or Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

Gunshot?, in Nottingham again! Fancy that, more violence!

6 Dec 2011: Driver's daughter in car as he left trail of damage
Nottingham Evening Post
A driver left a trail of damage as he drove dangerously through the streets of Nottingham, with his daughter in the passenger seat, a court heard.

He was driving a Nissan Serena when he hit a lamppost, bollards, railings and a bus on April 29 - the day of the Royal Wedding.

For no apparent reason, he crashed into a lamppost in Woodborough Road, Mapperley, before hitting a bollard at the junction with Mapperley Rise.

The Nissan hit a second bollard, then headed down Mapperley Rise, and had to make three attempts to turn into Porchester Road, finishing off by hitting a bus at a bus stop at 20 to 25mph.

He has twice been banned from driving before.

When police arrived, he was unsteady on his feet and his pupils were dilated, though he did not smell of alcohol.

Recorder Maureen Baker QC gave him 6 months in prison, of which he will serve half, and disqualified him from driving for three years.

He must take an extended driving test if he wants to get behind the wheel again.

Nottingham Crown Court heard his driving might have been linked to his use of cocaine.

'Dangerous driving? Child Abuse? Taking Cocaine? - in Nottingham? Never!'

7 Dec 2011: Axe-wielding robber
Jasinder Grewal raped teenager twice

An axe-wielding robber twice raped a teenager after bursting into a flat in The Meadows and tying up her boyfriend, a court heard.
This is Nottingham
The case continues this week.
9 Dec 0211: Rape axeman Jasinder Grewal gets 17 years
This is Nottingham
Judge Tony Mitchell told Grewal he would serve eight-and-a-half years of the 17-year sentence in custody.

He is now on the sex offenders' register and banned from working with children indefinitely.

"Why sentence him to 17 years, then tell him he will serve 8½ years? Good news all the same!"

10 Dec 2011:Muggings and street robberies are on the increase in Nottingham, according to new figures
This is Nottingham
In the last financial year there were 1,469 robberies recorded in the city, while this year there have already been 1,993.

"There is little protection, and no deterrent, that's why!" And more Police Cuts to come... thank you Mr Cameron!

10 Dec 2011:Nottingham's street furniture theft increasing
This is Nottingham
Metal theft in Nottingham is costing the city council almost £1,700 a week and has nearly doubled in the past year, officials have said.

Since January almost 240 gully/drain covers and 32 metal bins have been stolen - costing about £55,000 to replace.

Nottingham Crime and Drugs Partnership is now to mark street furniture with Smartwater to deter thieves.

In addition, scrap dealers in the city are being given UV lights to check any incoming metal to ensure it is not stolen.

"Life is wonderful in Nottingahm, so joyous and friendly!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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