Astronomers Find Massive Black Holes In White House: Fear Them Coming To Hawaii Soon
WASHINGTON - Black holes: "They're the most destructive monsters in the universe. We already knew they can be powerfully massive. Now scientists say they have found the most massive ones yet; as reported in The Billingsgate Journal of Natural Sci...Read full story
Local Man Waiting Again
Local Man and One Time Busy Person, Seaton Carew, is once again waiting. Having spent the majority of the year carrying out very little waiting due to having stuff to do, the wannabe failed entrepreneur has suddenly found himself in the unenviable...Read full story
Olympic Committee Cancels Summer Games After Psychic Group Threatens to Post Results Online
London, England - The 2012 Summer Olympic Games, scheduled to take place in London from 27 July to 12 August 2012 were officially canceled today after the International Olympic Committee was unable to comes to terms with Bert Poppins, head of the Eng...Read full story
Rosie O'Donnell Round 3 - Ding Ding!
NEW YORK CITY - Famous celebrity, comedian talk show host Rosie O'Donnell should be even more famous for her persistency in her love life. Yes, it is true, after only two failed marriages, she declared her engagement to Michelle Rounds. In the ma...Read full story
Liverpool FC's Luis Suarez waves goodbye to his fans with his middle finger!
Liverpool's jubilant Luis Suarez left the pitch last night at Craven Cottage waving to his fans with his middle finger stuck in the air. The gesture was totally misunderstood by the FA, and now they are reviewing his very friendly gesture. Why? Luis is a terrific loser, once upon a time whilst playing for Ajax in Holland he gave an opponent a love bite on the neck because he was so overjoyed at...Read full story
Show brings chaos to the north
The Mike and Bernie Winters Show has re-appeared in the U.K. with devastating consequences. Severe warnings are in place for Scotland, Northern Ireland and much of the north of England, after nearly 48 hours of repeats were shown on TV screens. In...Read full story
Earth-like planet discovered; Greens angry
It's called Kepler 22-b, it has a temperature of 22 degrees C, and it's only 600 light years away. It is the most Earth-like planet yet discovered by NASA, who have found hundreds of planets outside our own Solar System in recent years. It is like...Read full story
Why the Turner Prize is so shit
It's that time of the year again, where Daily Mail journalists build up a froth of anger over the absurdities of the latest winners of the Turner Prize. "It's not art!" they scream red-faced, as they futilely attempt to define what art actually is. Regardless of whether you consider it art or not, one thing is beyond doubt. Every piece ever entered into that competition is utterly shit. But why...Read full story
Giant colony of sloths already inhabits Kepler-22b
Space - A colony of mutant species from the Bradypodidae genus of three-toed sloths is suspected of being indigenous to the newly discovered planet. Imagery from NASA's Kepler space telescope reveals the distinctive arboreal critters whose closest...Read full story
Dead Sea drought may reveal New Testament burial ground of Jesus, Mary and Joseph
Israel - Its concentrated anhydrous chlorides and asphalt discharges were the stuff of legend in ancient Egyptian pickling recipes to mummify the dead, as chronicled in the Dead Sea Scrolls. This week a survey of the world's deepest hypersaline la...Read full story
UK Rating Fear
The Government is stealing itself for more bad news on the economic front. David Cameron is being rated by the firm Hogwash and Trip and rumours coming out of Downing Street are that they give the thumbs down to the British economy. Shock waves rolle...Read full story
Engineering Grad Invents Vanishing Machine to Escape Loan Repayment.
In an economy with no jobs, it is becoming increasingly difficult for recent college grads to begin repayment of student loans. With interest accruing and no money being generated, some recent grads have become very creative in ways of escaping loan...Read full story
Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Aniston, Pamela Anderson, and Gwyneth Paltrow To Star In "Oops - The Herman Cain Story"
HOLLYWOOD - TouchRock Films in association with Tri-Moon pictures has announced that production will begin in late December on Staccato Monteverdi's motion picture Oops - The Herman Cain Story. According to Silver Screen Showcase Magazine the movi...Read full story
Rosie O'Donnell Says She's Getting The Best Christmas Gift Ever - A Brand New Wife
NEW YORK CITY - Talk show host Rosie O'Donnell says that she has not been as happy as she is right now since the night back in March when she ate two Pizza Gal Pepperoni Pizzas all by herself. O'Donnell, 49, said that she has asked her new girlfri...Read full story
Donald Trump Says Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman Are Jokes - Ron Paul Replies That "Hairdo Boy" Can Kiss His Hilarious A*s!
NEW YORK CITY - If there is one thing that Donald Trump is not it's shy. The multi-billionaire with the "Hair From Hell" has been noted for making some rather way out in leftfield remarks. Several years ago "The Donald" remarked that he would pay...Read full story
A True Diary of Woe - Part Thirty-Two
A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 60 - Marsden's Store Assistant I was working for Marsden's Grocery Stores, and was sent to the Bulwell market branch. All nice smells, nice people, and counter service in those days. Although only a young lad, my forte was 'provisions', and I was adept in the boning,...Read full story
"Live" Nativity Scene Turns Violent
Chula Vista, Ca. It seemed like such a good idea at the time, but in hindsight maybe not so much. For two years in a row the Chula Vista public market has put on a "live" nativity scene the week before Christmas. The Delgado family, well known in th...Read full story
Extra Drumstick from Three-Legged Chickens raises Unforseen Problem
Gobblers' Knob, Indiana, USA: In what must be exciting news for chicken drumstick lovers everywhere and for a world where diminishing food resources are of grave concern, Indiana farmer Thornton P. Quigley has produced and raised a flock of fully d...Read full story
Quantum Mechanic Researchers Discover Time Runs Backward!
Dateline Bern, Switzerland, day after tomorrow: Quantum researchers exploring the bizarre world of "string theory", "quantum entanglements", "replicating clothes hangers" , "single socks" and other unexplained phenomenon which A.Einstein will one day...Read full story
From Pound to Parka or Rin Tin Tobogan?
Fayetteville, NC -The flailing economy has set its sights on its latest victim, innocent puppies. This week a backwater county surrounding Fayetteville, North Carolina announced its newest plan to capitalize on its greatest assets, negligent owners o...Read full story
Barnsley 22-b: Earth-like planet confirmed
Astronomers have confirmed the existence of an Earth-like planet in the "habitable zone" around a star not unlike our own. Professor Mike Alidascope told us, "This is the planetary equivalent of Barnsley. In fact, we think it might be Barnsley. We...Read full story