The Beginner's Guide Special Edition: Ten Things To Know About Christmas

Funny story: The Beginner's Guide Special Edition: Ten Things To Know About Christmas

Hello, and welcome to this special edition feature of our popular series The Beginner's Guide. Here we will attempt to uncover some of the myths and mysteries surrounding that most popular of holidays, Christmas. Where did it originate, what's it all about and why is it so damned expensive? These questions and a few more will probably be answered, or at the very least alluded to, in our 1...

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Education Establishment Resigns En Masse

Speaking to a large audience of colleagues, press, and spectators at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, Professor D. Tweedle gave a long, rambling speech often interrupted by cheers and applause. Here are the highlights: I've been asked by my colleagues to make an important announcement on behalf of the Education Establishment. Today, officially at this moment, we are resigning. All the...

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'Christmas with the Candidates' to Replace the Trump Debate

Funny story: 'Christmas with the Candidates' to Replace the Trump Debate

New York - Real estate developer Donald Trump has announced that his planned presidential debate has been canceled due to lack of interest and replaced by a holiday special. The program is scheduled to feature all of the remaining Republican candidat...

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The Attorney For The Department Store 'Black Friday Pepper Sprayer' States That Her Can of Pepper Spray Just Went Off Accidentally

Funny story: The Attorney For The Department Store 'Black Friday Pepper Sprayer' States That Her Can of Pepper Spray Just Went Off Accidentally

PORTER RANCH, California - Mikey Champ is the attorney representing the infamous Black Friday Pepper Sprayer who has now been identified by the entire U.S. news media as Elizabeth "Lizzy" Macias, 32. Macias, who describes herself as a devoted shop...

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The Beginner's Guide Part 6: Ten Things To Know About Drinking

Funny story: The Beginner's Guide Part 6: Ten Things To Know About Drinking

Welcome one and welcome all, to the Beginner's Guide Part 6, everything you need to know about drinking. Close the saloon doors behind you, pull up a bar stool and tip the barman a few coins, and we'll share a wee dram of your favourite poison whilst discussing the intricacies of the nations favourite pastime. From the very dawn of time, man has sought to forget the foibles of the day, to er...

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Dorking Man Found Guilty of Humbuggery

Funny story: Dorking Man Found Guilty of Humbuggery

Gerald Bladder, 57, of Dorking, was today found guilty of seventy-three counts of humbuggery, and two counts of poppycock in a public place. Judge Judith of Dorking Crown Court sentenced Bladder to three million years in prison, to be served simultan...

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Danny Alexander to Change Middle Name by Deed Poll

Funny story: Danny Alexander to Change Middle Name by Deed Poll

Chief Secretary of the Treasury, Danny Alexander, has today confirmed that he has been asked to officially change his middle name from "Grain" to the more commonly used "Fucking". "It's true," said Alexander himself, whilst straightening George Os...

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Another Celebrity Dies - Is There No End To This Injustice?

Funny story: Another Celebrity Dies - Is There No End To This Injustice?

News backing up from the celebrity waterwheel, today reports that yet another celebrity has popped his clogs, upon receiving the awful news that his wife - who was filming a Hollywood epic on location - had lost fifteen pounds in weight, put on a bik...

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John Boehner, Mitch McConnell Should Be Replaced, Says Homeless, Unemployed Democrats

Funny story: John Boehner, Mitch McConnell Should Be Replaced, Says Homeless, Unemployed Democrats

NEW YORK, NY - Three weeks before Christmas, a new CNN/MSNBC/CBS/ABC/NYT/WaPo poll indicates that unemployed Democrats think that employed Republicans should be replaced with unemployed Democrats. The poll was completed at the recent "Occupy Wall...

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Flashman's European Adventures

"Tally-ho!" yelled Flashman as he wrestled the evil Bosch Merkel. Her muscular arms attempted to hold him in a headlock but his chin was able to wriggle free. "Take that!" he squeaked, punching her in the stomach and ducking out through the side-door, treaty in hand. He faced his nemesis, the midget Sarkozy. "Oh god, not you!" he said snottily. Sarkozy took off his metal-brimmed hat and tri...

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Greenhouse gases behind Tooting Common lemur find

Funny story: Greenhouse gases behind Tooting Common lemur find

London - "It was so weak it failed the standard Kyoto Protocol breath test for primates," animal shelter vet Stan Gibbons told reporters today. "Probably got a lethal lung-full from the nearby A214," SW16 park wardens commented as local eco-nutz b...

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Cats Inherit the Earth

Funny story: Cats Inherit the Earth

In a dramatic last minute initiative to save the Climate Change Talks from disaster in South Africa China has proposed a solution that is gaining huge support in Durban. They propose that when the Catastrophe envisaged by rising waters and unbearable...

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Shock Defeat in Europe

Funny story: Shock Defeat in Europe

After a valiant effort England Goalkeeper, David Cameron had to admit defeat in Europe. There was dispute as to whether the score was 23-1 or 26-1 because several offside 'goals' have yet to be assessed but it was a pretty clear defeat. Not to be...

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Eurozone to adopt Higgs Boson as new currency

Funny story: Eurozone to adopt Higgs Boson as new currency

In an attempt to solve the debt crisis in the Eurozone, the Higgs Boson is to be adopted as the new currency. Difficulty in producing the particle, and the fact that it may not even exist are sure to increase its value, which should boost the Eurozon...

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Heroes of Britain: Their Finest Hour

Funny story: Heroes of Britain: Their Finest Hour

In 1987, the global economy lay in ruins. Britain was under attack from all sides, evil foes attempted to buy out our companies and money was in short supply. It was a perilous age. Thankfully, Thatcher's heroes were ready. These few brave men stood in the way of total economic collapse, and saved Britain from certain bankruptcy and German ownership. These unsaluted heroes are the investment ba...

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Historical Walks of Ye Olde Nottingham - To the Trent

Funny story: Historical Walks of Ye Olde Nottingham - To the Trent

A short walk from the Meadows police Station, to the picturesque river Trent Embankment for a picnic. 1959: You stroll passed the Constables pushbike resting outside of the station, and meander up the tree lines Queens Drive towards the river, with your pork pie, bottle of Dandylion & Burdoch, and if your lucky, an apple or banana. 2010: Your gingerly walk passed the fire-bombed police...

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Danbury Swamp Chapter 4

Funny story: Danbury Swamp Chapter 4

The little girl's words left the toad quite speechless. He really had no answer for her reasoning, because the toad knew, that she was really quite correct in what she said. As he sat and thought about her words the toad began to become angry inside. The anger began to grow and grow inside the toad until he could no longer hold it in. He finally blurted out in an angry voice: "Those dirty,...

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California Man Goes Crazy after 2 Hours of Previews before the Start of the Muppet Movie

Funny story: California Man Goes Crazy after 2 Hours of Previews before the Start of the Muppet Movie

A Los Angeles, California man who had not been to a movie theater for 25 years completely lost it this afternoon after the first two hours of previews that were shown before the feature presentation. Jerry Berserker just simply flipped out when...

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Britain Moves To Distance Itself From Europe

Funny story: Britain Moves To Distance Itself From Europe

As the Eurozone crisis deepens and the French and Germans seek draconian new powers to bring about a single European economy and extensive cultural unification, Britain has, finally, looked to protect its own interests. After British Prime Ministe...

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Grandma Gets Arrested, Tased, Killed, and Brought Back to Life Because She Fed a Goose

Funny story: Grandma Gets Arrested, Tased, Killed, and Brought Back to Life Because She Fed a Goose

An 85-year-old grandmother was arrested last night in Baton Rouge, Louisiana for feeding wild geese. Mrs. Sadie DuBois was placed under arrest when she was witnessed feeding dried corn to the local geese inhabiting Stonewall Jackson Park. Accor...

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The List of Ten Christmas Movies You May Want To Skip

Funny story: The List of Ten Christmas Movies You May Want To Skip

The Christmas gift company Christmas Bells & Whistles has just mailed out its yearly catalog which contains over 16,000 Christmas gifts, including 97, which are brand new for the 2011 holiday season. The catalog contains over 700 pages and lists everything from armadillo shaped Christmas cookie cutters to green and red stripped zebra pajamas. One of last years biggest sellers was the Ho...

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Horrific CCTV Footage Shows Badly Wounded Combatants In Desperate Struggle For Dropped Gun

Funny story: Horrific CCTV Footage Shows Badly Wounded Combatants In Desperate Struggle For Dropped Gun

Queensland, Australia - Detectives from Worra-Palarver township in northern Queensland were today racking their brains as they desperately attempted to unravel the sequence of events which resulted in the horrible deaths of seventeen people - fifteen...

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Regarding Donald Trump's Debate, Perry, Romney, Bachmann, Paul, and Huntsman All Tell Him "No Way - Hair Spray!"

Funny story: Regarding Donald Trump's Debate, Perry, Romney, Bachmann, Paul, and Huntsman All Tell Him "No Way - Hair Spray!"

NEW YORK CITY - Donald "The Hair Spray" Trump is just not accustomed to hearing the the little two-letter word "No." But the billionaire with the "Hairdo From Hell" has just heard it and heard it five (5) times from five of the GOP presidential ca...

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The Los Angeles Lakers Are Considering Trading NBA Players Union President Derek Fisher To Slovenia

Funny story: The Los Angeles Lakers Are Considering Trading NBA Players Union President Derek Fisher To Slovenia

LOS ANGELES - Saying that it is simply just a business matter and nothing more, Los Angeles Lakers owner Jerry Buss [Pronounced: BUS] today issued a statement that he is seriously considering trading Derek Fisher to Slovenia. Buss stated that cont...

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Cameron Threatens To Nut Sarkozy Over EU Snub - 'Bah Humbug! Bring It On!' Says Diminutive Frenchman

Funny story: Cameron Threatens To Nut Sarkozy Over EU Snub - 'Bah Humbug! Bring It On!' Says Diminutive Frenchman

A furious David Cameron, allegedly this evening threatened to head-butt French President Sarkozy, following the much reported incident where Sarkozy snubbed the PM as he vetoed an EU motion, and basically told Germany and France that if they wanted t...

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Miley Cyrus Donates $1 Million To The Tijuana, Mexico Police Department To Help In Their Fight To Keep Counterfeit Piñatas and Counterfeit Maracas Out Of The USA

Funny story: Miley Cyrus Donates $1 Million To The Tijuana, Mexico Police Department To Help In Their Fight To Keep Counterfeit Piñatas and Counterfeit Maracas Out Of The USA

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Miley Cyrus is still upset at the fact that on her 19th birthday she was presented with a birthday cake of noted reggae singer Bob Marley which many people including the supermarket tabloid Just Saying said suggested she was a pothea...

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Danbury Swamp Chapter 3

Funny story: Danbury Swamp Chapter 3

There came a high pitched sound that made me stop in my tracks and drop that big rock right back into the ground. It was funny because when I dropped that rock it made nary a sound. This sound was something new. This sound was something different. This sound, I've never heard here before, in the swamp called Danbury. "That's so sad", said the high pitched voice. The toad was quite star...

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Holy guacamole! Spoof writer's face materialises on kebab wrapper at midnight on 54th birthday

Funny story: Holy guacamole! Spoof writer's face materialises on kebab wrapper at midnight on 54th birthday

Dorking Magma - A writer from the Spoof website was in shock tonight as a strange oily apparition began, er, manifesting all over his £4.95p doner kebab wrapper.... just as he turned 54 years of age! At first glance the trompe l'oeil looked a dead...

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