Herman Cain's Alleged Mistress: "The Next Moment She Be Jumpin My Bones"

Funny story: Herman Cain's Alleged Mistress: "The Next Moment She Be Jumpin My Bones"

ZOO CENTRAL - Bobo is no ordinary chimp. True, like most young chimps, he loved swinging from vines and smacking his lips while hanging out in the jungles of Africa during his formative years. He might have been a little smarter than most simians.

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Want to live forever? There's an app for that

Funny story: Want to live forever? There's an app for that

The must have applelet that humanity has been waiting for has finally hit the iStore: iMortal. The iMortal app will let the owner live forever. "Astounding," said App World! editor, Mac Buck. "Amazing. Astonishing. Words cannot begin to express...

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Department Store Santa was Pepper Sprayed by Vindictive Kid

Funny story: Department Store Santa was Pepper Sprayed by Vindictive Kid

A Pasadena, California Stacy's department store Santa was pepper sprayed this afternoon by a kid bent on revenge for not getting what he asked for, for last year's Christmas. The kid, eight year old local bully Bugger Maloney, wanted to see Santa in...

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'Third Secret of Fatima' says next Pope will be an alien

Funny story: 'Third Secret of Fatima' says next Pope will be an alien

Rome - It's part of moves to atone for the Extraterrestrial Schizm that's rocked the Church since the year dot: God's covenant with non-Earthlings embraces the appointment on an ET pontiff to suck seed (sick) Papa Ratzi - as decreed by the Virgin...

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Kinks frontman Ray Davies livid at 'daft' Pinochet slur

Funny story: Kinks frontman Ray Davies livid at 'daft' Pinochet slur

London - "WTF?" was the famous singer-songwriter's response to stories linking him and disgraced P2 Lodge hitman General Augusto Pinochet. UK broadsheet stories have claimed the Chilean Supreme Court is considering extraditing Davies 'because he w...

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Noddy and Big Ears accused of racist behaviour in London Underground!

Funny story: Noddy and Big Ears accused of racist behaviour in London Underground!

Once upon a time, Noddy and Big Ears decided to leave their red open-top car at the Harrods parking area opting to hop on the London Underground to travel into town, a fatal mistake. Accompanying Noddy & Big Ears was their mate, Gollywog, a life long friend. Nowadays it's not allowed to call someone a Gollywog, but Noddy and Big Ears didn't care because that's his name. The three of them...

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Tabloid journalists left depressed by Gary Speed suicide

Funny story: Tabloid journalists left depressed by Gary Speed suicide

Tabloid journalists have been advised to seek help if they become depressed and experience feelings of worthlessness in the wake of the Gary Speed tragedy. Scores of hardened hacks are reported to have succumbed to stress and resorted to heavy dr...

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Scott Walker afraid of people openly carry firearms

Madison, Wisconsin--Scott Walker thinks it is afraid of people that openly carry their firearms. He held a press conference to announce that he fears crazy gun owners. "I want to be safe, and think it is dangerous to around people that need to tak...

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Barstucks charged customers for coffee smell of their coffee

Seattle, Washington--Barstucks has been charging customers a small fee for the coffee smell of their coffee. "At Barstucks we do the best to create the best customer experience and that means charging more for the coffee smell. It is the best sme...

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X-Factor Is Becoming More About The Judges Than The Performers As Simon Cowell Takes On The Other Three Judges

Funny story: X-Factor Is Becoming More About The Judges Than The Performers As Simon Cowell Takes On The Other Three Judges

HOLLYWOOD - Florida's Melanie Amaro sang "The Earth Song" and she received a tumultuous standing ovation as the last seven contestants on X-Factor performed the songs of Michael Jackson. Rappers Chris Rene and Astro, alias "Little Kanye" added the...

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Libyan School of Economics nominated Blair for Nobel gong

Funny story: Libyan School of Economics nominated Blair for Nobel gong

London - Saif Al Gaddafi's alma mater is in the spotlight once again amid reports it backed Tony Blair for the prestigious annual Nobel Piss Prize. Libyan School of Economics sources said today the ex-Prime Monster was being honored in recognition...

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Help Richard Dawkins this Christmas and scoop 50K!

Funny story: Help Richard Dawkins this Christmas and scoop 50K!

At this festive time of year, it is customary to help those less fortunate than yourself. This year, the plight of atheists and evolutionists is at its most dire for years. Since the fable of evolution was swallowed up by the terminally gullible and stupid, the puzzle of the materialistic explanation for the origins of life has been one of the thousands of unanswered and ignored questions about...

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Diplomatic service CEO slams royals' London 2012 gravy train bung

Funny story: Diplomatic service CEO slams royals' London 2012 gravy train bung

London - The head of the UK Diplomatic Corpse has denounced Wills, Kaye and Harry for gorging their snouts in the Olympics gravy train trough. Sir Archibald Hoggsworth-Attashay said today the newly appointed London 2012 ambassadors 'were only in i...

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Dubrovnik - A Maritime Jewel

Funny story: Dubrovnik - A Maritime Jewel

As winter is now clearly upon us, we asked Peregrine Trip to put a sunny smile back on our faces with some memories of his travels this summer past. His wanderings this year took him to, among others, Dubrovnik - the Pearl of the Adriatic… Hot. The Dalmatian coast is experiencing a heat wave when we arrive at Dubrovnik airport. I am reminded of my first arrival in the Mediterranean region...

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Elland Road to name suite after Gary Speed

Funny story: Elland Road to name suite after Gary Speed

It was announced today by Master Bates, Chairman of Leeds United, that Elland Road will be naming an East Stand suite in the memory of footballer Gary Speed. Although a very difficult word for the average professional footballer to overcome - ques...

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Google Street Map to cover North Pole

Funny story: Google Street Map to cover North Pole

Kids across the Western World can now log onto to Google and see Father Christmas's house at the North Pole, with Google Street View finally reaching the most northerly point on the planet. "We're quite excited," said head of Google Mapping, Douga...

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X-Factor Christmas number one under threat from Go Compare Man

Funny story: X-Factor Christmas number one under threat from Go Compare Man

The Go Compare Man, the irritating overweight mustachioed opera singer, is set to release a Christmas song next week, called Go Compare Christmas Songs, to challenge the traditional X-Factor number one. "There's a movement each year to stop X-Fact...

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Your Daily Flexicon: Thursday Dec 1

Please join me each day as I reveal the words and phrases guaranteed to keep you single for a whole year. Sourced directly from the world's finest internet dating profiles, Your Daily Flexicon is the essential guide for the online dater, or indeed anyone who has a thing for typos, malapropisms and plane baad speling. This might get your attention: "I'm a beautiful bursty brunette." If yo...

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Brandi Glanville Hires a Louisiana Voodoo Woman To Put A Hex On Ex-Husband Eddie Cibrian's Marriage To LeAnn Rimes

Funny story: Brandi Glanville Hires a Louisiana Voodoo Woman To Put A Hex On Ex-Husband Eddie Cibrian's Marriage To LeAnn Rimes

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Brandi Glanville is the perfect example of the old Chinese saying 'that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.' The 39-year-old attractive ex-wife of Eddie "Alley Cat" Cibrian, 38, is still devastated at the fact that country si...

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You'd better watch out - Santa's packing heat!

Funny story: You'd better watch out - Santa's packing heat!

The War on Christmas took a bizarre new twist when Santa Claus turned up heavily armed at a gun club in Scottsdale, Arizona, on Monday. "I'm sick of being the nice guy, the soft touch," Santa declared. From now on, if you're naughty, forget coal -...

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Congressman Ron Paul Talks About Tasering and Pepper Spraying

Funny story: Congressman Ron Paul Talks About Tasering and Pepper Spraying

EAST LOS ANGELES - Congressman Ron Paul of Texas, who is 76-years-old, was speaking to a crowd of well-wishers in East Los Angeles when he was asked if he would ever consider making a citizens arrest. Paul thought for a moment. He grinned and the...

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Michele Bachmann Explains Why She Is Against Gays and Lesbians Getting Married

Funny story: Michele Bachmann Explains Why She Is Against Gays and Lesbians Getting Married

DES MOINES, Iowa - Michele Bachmann's Hair Spray Across America Bus Tour stopped in Des Moines, Iowa, the town known for being the birthplace of Nacho Velcro the inventor of the zipper. The congresswoman from Minnesota's 6th district was asked by...

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Jon Huntsman Reveals What He Will Do With The Poor People of Utah

Funny story: Jon Huntsman Reveals What He Will Do With The Poor People of Utah

SALT LAKE CITY - Jon Huntsman, the ex-governor of the state of Utah, was speaking before a gathering of elementary school teachers in Salt Lake City, when he was asked what he would do to eliminate poverty in his home state. Huntsman, who is runn...

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Hospital Horror Show

A debilitating strike swept the public sector yesterday causing mild annoyance and under the breath insults. The hospitals, the schools and some other self important institutions would descend into anarchy and fall to ruin. Without staff to man the gun emplacements at Hull Royal Infirmary it was feared roving gangs of feral looters would raid the pharmacy. Back and to the Left news interviewed...

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