Heroes of Britain: Their Finest Hour

Funny story written by MonkeyInTheBath

Saturday, 10 December 2011

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The Battle of Britain

In 1987, the global economy lay in ruins. Britain was under attack from all sides, evil foes attempted to buy out our companies and money was in short supply. It was a perilous age.

Thankfully, Thatcher's heroes were ready. These few brave men stood in the way of total economic collapse, and saved Britain from certain bankruptcy and German ownership. These unsaluted heroes are the investment bankers and hedge fund managers of London.

Often working out of a back office, with barely a chair to sit on, these men used their cunning, guile and pure uncorrupted greed to bring Britain's economy through a dark time. Many young men volunteered for a life in the City, but few had the balls and arrogance required for the job. It takes nerves of steel, and a lot of cockiness to fly a share deal through difficult clouds and sell at the right time. Done properly, a small dip in shares can be like a dam-burst and lead to a massive drop in share prices, which can be enough to drown a Ruhr-based company.

But it isn't all about sinking German competitors. A careful hedge fund manager has to constantly keep his eye on the radar to look out for incoming threats, which can come from anywhere. Sometimes a British company has to die in order to help the greater good - preserving economic freedom and profligacy for all.

These few, who have saved Britain many times, have received little reward for their troubles - apart from their enormous bonuses - so let us salute them now. Truly they are heroes of Britain.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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