Chelsea Clinton Already Pregnant By Levi Johnston
Hold onto your hats! Why Levi Johnston was invited to Chelsea Clinton's wedding has now been announced by a Canadian tabloid, "Mounting News". Apparently Levi Johnston has stated that he may have gotten Chelcea 'in the family way', as Archie Bunk...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson, Tom Sturridge Finally Come To Blows, Loose Tooth
Apparently those once old friends have had it up to here with each other and friends had to separate them Wednesday night as a black eye on one and a badly cut lip and loose tooth on the other was all the damage that resulted. "It looked a lot wor...
Read full storyCardinal's Book claims God has no dick!
COVENANT OF THE QUEER, WV (ABSNN) - Controversy is swelling within a tiny West Virginia hamlet named, oddly enough, Hamlet, over a new best selling, non-fiction book by the ever controversial author, Francois Cardinal Dubois, S.J. entitled "God has n...
Read full storyDubai Millenium curse strikes Harbinger of Doom
Newmarket - (Glue Factory News): Ten years to the day since the infamous Limekilns ley lines snaffled Godolphin wonderwhorse Dubai Millenium and the Newmarket gallops track has once again claimed another victim - this time it's Harbinger. The rec...
Read full storyBad Poetry: Is it All That Bad?! Does it Deserve a Corner?
Bad Poetry Corner Twas 2090 and on Mark's deaf bed Not a brain cell was stirring His Blackberry was dead; All the stock in the Spoof was at a $.99 Per share, with no Bad Poetry Corner The readers didn't care When up on the roof there arose such a Clatter Mark sprung from his bed of nails to see what was the matter THen what to his dottering eyes should appear but Fergus McCarth...
Read full storyThe Real Reason Entertainment Tonight Fired Mary Hart
HOLLYWOOD - A executive working on Entertainment Tonight explained the real reason that host Mary Hart was fired. There has been widespread speculation that the 55-year-old Hart had gotten into an argument with one of the shows producers who wante...
Read full storyThe Alaskan Wilderness Adventures of Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin
WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska and Kate Gosselin, the former wife of Korean 'playboy wannabee' Jon "The 3-Inch" Gosselin are both thrilled to be able to spend sometime together, but not in a gay or lesbian way of course.
Read full storyNew reality show this Fall - "Hollywood celebrities sexiest nannies"
It is said that "Behind every successful man stands a very smart woman." A similar adage would read: "Behind every slimmed down narcissistic just-had-a-baby-and-abdominal-fat removed Hollywood celebrity mom stands a hard-working, underpaid, unappre...
Read full storyMedical marvel - breakthrough surgery. Former Canadian PM gets full brain transplant
OTTAWA, CANADA: In what is being hailed as a medical marvel a famous former Canadian prime minister is recovering from successful full-brain transplant surgery. This is the first time in the world that such surgery has not only been attempted but...
Read full storySarah Palin and Kathy Griffin Duke it Out in Wasilla Wal-Mart Parking Lot
Wasilly, AK - The fur was flying Saturday as Kathy Griffin confronted Sarah Palin as she was leaving the local Wal-Mart with the week's groceries for the family. Eye witnesses claim that Kathy was clearly the aggressor initially, but that Palin s...
Read full storyHull City 2 Welsh Bastards 0
Hull City, the team so unceremoniously dumped back into the Championship in May after two years in the top flight, got their new campaign off to a flying start with an extremely comfortable 2-0 win over Welsh Bastards at the KC stadium earlier today.
Read full storyQuantum Leap Corporation To Begin Offering Services
The Quantum Leap Corporation has announced that they will begin offering their services to the general public. For a modest fee of $10,000, people will be able to travel backwards in time within their own lifetimes and bodies. Problems encountere...
Read full storyEminem video "Love The Way You Lie." Makes Megan Fox Look GREAT!
Producers for Eminem and Rihanna's new music video for "Love the Way You Lie", which premiered online Thursday, found the secret for making superidiot Megan Fox as dramatically impactful as she is visually stunning. Keep her f--king mouth shut.
Read full storyPakistan President nominates son's sperm as "next but one" leader of the country
Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari risked further criticism from opposition politicians in his own country when he nominated his son Bilawal's sperm as the "next but one" leader of the country. The as yet unfertilized sperm, referred to as Spermiwa...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja's Emporium (Scientology) #2
FADE IN: EXT. NIGHT. View of Grandpa Ganja's Emporium. It's nearly dark and tokers lounge about in front of the club just before closing. INT. CLUB. Usual scene. CHESS PLAYERS in place, EARL and BETH sit at the table with coffee, GG sells pot to client. Several others have coffee, smoke, etc. GUTARIST plays softly. GG (holds baggie open for client wh...
Read full storyGive Me Your Tired, Your Poor in Spirit, Your White Anglos Yearning
The Republican caucus in Congress dramatically upped the ante today in their proposed change to the 14th Amendment to the Constitution. Attached to the proposal is a directive to change the inscription on the Statue of Liberty! The inscription t...
Read full storyThe big kick off
It was strange how Penny was looking forward to the new Football season when months before she had been sick to death of the World Cup. Dad had put an embargo on the World Cup: 'Don't mention the World Cup', so it was easy to forget all about it anyway. Terry was keen on West Ham but they are not one of the best teams. He goes to see them and has asked me to go with him. I'm really excited a...
Read full storyDiana Memorial Fountain 'funded by bloody diamonds $$$s'
Netherlands - (Haemorrhage News): The bloody diamonds war crimes trial in The Hague has now heard it all. Nelson Mandela's secret, illigitimate daughter told the judge yesterday that Princess Di's tiara was behind the outrage. The Spencer Diad...
Read full storyLockerbie bomber joins Libya's Olympic squad for 2012 (but he still has only a few months to live)
Abdelbaset al-Megrahi, the only person convicted of the Lockerbie bombing, has joined the Libyan Olympic squad for 2012, a government spokesman in Libya announced. Megrahi, who was released from a Scottish prison on compassionate grounds a year a...
Read full storyGreenland Splits In Two
Greenland, the funny country where nothing is green, has split in two, it has been claimed. A giant sheet of ice, measuring 260 sq km (100 sq miles), has broken off the Petermann Glacier on the north-west coast of Greenland, and has formed a compl...
Read full storyRobbie Williams Running Late For Wedding
Unconfirmed reports filtering through to Skoob Entertainment News suggest that Robbie Williams was, according to up to the minute reports, running late for his wedding to Ayda Field on some dumb island off the coast of California. Santa Catalina o...
Read full storyUsain Bolt Beaten By Gay
US sprinter Tyson Gay handed the World and Olympic champion Usain Bolt only his second professional 100m defeat as the American stormed to victory at the Diamond League meeting in Stockholm last night, but the victory was somewhat soured after it bec...
Read full storyEdinburgh Festival Fringe Psychic Booed - He Didn't See That Coming
Scouse psychic Joe Power - The Man Who Sees Dead People - was barracked and jeered throughout his five minute spot at The Assembly at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. And, surprisingly - he didn't see it coming. It possibly didn't help when he as...
Read full storyElvis, a Troublemaker and a Cowboy All Running for Office in Arkansas
Little Rock, AR - Stop me if you've heard this one - Elvis, a Troublemaker and a Cowboy all walk into Charlie Daniel's office to register as political candidates for the upcoming elections. Arkansas seems to be the hot spot for bizarre political c...
Read full storyJust Will I Am
Will and The Set - his gang - Douglas, Ginger, and Eric, were enjoying the school hols. Taking advantage of an unusually rain free summer, they were sitting in the Den, in the Bluebell Woods, reading a bunch of magazines which they'd shoplifted from the newsagent's earlier that morning as they tried to work out what to do next. "Any ideas, me fine mateys?" Will ventured, glancing briefly up fro...
Read full storySpontaneous Pot Combustion in Church Rectory Causes High Mass
Police and fire crews were called to Our Lady of Perpetual Forgiveness in Worcester, Massachusetts last Saturday evening when a church secretary called to report a strange smell emanating throughout the chapel where mass was being held. At first, eve...
Read full storyThe Path of Life - in single rhyming words
Formulated by Inchcock Chambers, our intrepid decrepit unpaid reporter, who presents for your delectation, his explanation in single rhyming words, of life's path. From Conception to Ascension - with all the annoying aspects and problems in between getting a mention. His flair for the creative thinking process has been recorded in the 'Most Annoying Thicko's Register'. Conception - Creati...
Read full storyNude Kelly Brook Billboards Set To Cause Traffic Chaos
Motoring organisations were up in arms today as a series of 40 foot billboards, featuring busty model Kelly Brook, naked save for a pair of trainers, sprang up around the country. The billboards, depicting a naked Kelly Brook, recumbent, and smili...
Read full storyDavid Sedaris Releases New Book, 'Boxing for Pain'
David Sedaris, famous Santa's Elf, has written another life experience book that takes him in a surprising new and unexpected direction. As with his other books there are stand-alone chapters with hilarious stories; hunting and cooking truffles, arg...
Read full storyBristol Palin Calls It Quits After Levi Johnston Flirted With Chelsea Clinton
In the continuing saga of 'The Palins', on again, off again, on again and now off again, Bristol Palin has called off wedding plans with Levi Johnston. Apparently Levi was one of those 'secret' people that were invited to the Chelsea Clinton marri...
Read full storySir Paul McCartney Asks "Who Or What Is Lady Gaga?
Sir Paul McCartney, on his first appearance since the one at the White House with the Obamas where he sung the song "Michelle" to the First Lady, was asked if he thought Lady Gaga was the most important singer today. "What's a Lady Gaga?" "One...
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