Chris Farley Diet Couldn't Save "Saturday Night Lineup" Star
NEW YORK CITY, NY - Casey Wilson denied reports today that she was fired from the Saturday Night Lineup for not being fat enough. "I had an amazing time on the show," Wilson told interviewers as she polished off another cheesecake. "Those rumors...
Read full storyThe National Basketball Association Sues the Creator of National Breast Apprecation Day!
Chili Verde, New Mexico: The National Basketball Association (NBA) is filing a lawsuit against 'writer' Jalepenoman. Jalepenoman is the creator and marketing mastermind behind the new fictitious holiday, National Breast Appreciation Day. The acron...
Read full storyAshley dines with animal lovers
In an unexpected twist in the turmoil of running Newcastle United, owner Ashley appears to have ditched his fellow cockney chums in favour of befriending those more acquainted with the animal kingdom. Peter Reid, infamous in Tyneside not for his p...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Plastic Surgeon Gives 2-for1 Breast Implants in Honor of National Breast Apprecation Day!
Top Secret Mattel Headquarters: It was announced earlier today that Michael Jackson's former plastic surgeon will be running a 'Buy One, Get One Free' breast enhancement special in honor of the very first Natonal Breast Appreciation Day. Dr. Steve...
Read full storyFrench Pass Anti-Kiss Laws. Oooo-No-No!
The National Assembly of France has passed a series of laws meant to impede any preconception that France aids and abets paedophilia. In a tip of the Phrygian cap to Brazil, the legislators of the lower house of Parliament have passed one bill a...
Read full storyTheSpoof.com Writers Protest Lack of Breast Photos
Papau, New Guinea TheSpoof.com writers gathered today for a one-off protest against their company for its unwillingness to expand its photo collection of females sporting perky breasts. Said one anonymous writer, "There's really only one good perk...
Read full storyMan Loses Penis Over $50 Bill
Billy Ray Hampton, a Nashville, Tennessee man told Nashville police that he was knocked down by an irate customer Friday night, and while he was stunned, the fuming woman cut off his penis. At Vanderbilt Hospital where surgeons are trying to reat...
Read full storyJoe Wilson To Join Glenn Beck As His Co-Host
NEW YORK CITY - GOP political TV host Glenn Beck has just been told by The F Network (his boss) that starting next week his show will have a co-host. The man who will be sitting beside the Beckster is none other than Addison Graves Wilson, Sr., bette...
Read full storyBritney Spears Ran Off The Stage
With her Circus and Vampire Tour going great, no one in the crowd expected that the star of the show would be ran off the stage by a fire-breathing Japanese man in the audience, who would chase her off the stage, but with Britney it was probably a fa...
Read full storyEmmanuel Adebayor Admits He And Arsene Wenger "Are No Longer Friends"
Former Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor, who signed for Manchester City in the summer, said after yesterday's crunch encounter between the two clubs that his goal which finished the game off as a contest was the sweetest he had ever scored, and that...
Read full storyKathy Dumps Levi
HOLLYWOOD - The star of The Bravo Network's My Life on The D-List, Kathy Griffin has confirmed that she has in fact dumped her 19-year-old boyfriend Levi Johnston. The 48-year-old Griffin said that there were many reasons why she decided to end he...
Read full storyAndy Warhol Art Collection Dumped In Skip
Police in Los Angeles say they have filed a report that a multi-million dollar Andy Warhol art collection has been found dumped in a skip in the city. A old tramp who was sleeping in the skip received a rude awakening yesterday by someone dumping...
Read full storyTreasury numerologists' omerta at Gordon Brown lotto trick
London - (Smoke 'N' Mirrors): Treasury mug punters are seething in silence after illusionist Gorgon Brown claimed to have predicted the Lotto draw number results but failed to say how. "Tricks of the trade!" was all his spokesman offered. But...
Read full storyBin Laden Hiding In NYC All Along
Apparently Osama bin Laden has not been captured in either Iraq, Afghanistan or anywhere else in the Arab world because he was driving a cab here in the United States. "THAT was bin Laden", stated New York City cab boss for the ****** ***** Compa...
Read full storyObama to dress down for Gandhi dinner
US President Barack Obama has said given a chance he would like to have a meal with his "real hero" Mahatma Gandhi. My sources have revealed that Mahatma Gandhi has decided to grant his wish and invited Obama for dinner and it is scheduled for Oct...
Read full storyCongressman Joe Wilson selected Chairman of Poor White Trash Caucus
Following just days after receiving the Douche-Bagger of the month award Congressman Joe Wilson has been named the Chairman of the "Poor White Trash Caucus" in the US House of Representatives. Representative Wlison who achievead instant fame afte...
Read full storyLloyd-Webber Launches TV Bid To Find A Hot New Bitch
Theatre impresario, multi-trillionaire and the world's leading impersonator of decomposing cauliflowers, Andrew Lloyd-Webber, has today cracked open another huge magnum of bubbly to celebrate the launch of his new talent show to find a mutt to play '...
Read full storyCoffee Shop opens its first outlet on death row
Shares of Barsucks Corp. edged up by 1/16th of a cent today after the company announced that in a bid to find new niches, it was opening its first outlet on death row. The outlet, to be opened at a Harris County, Texas death row is the first amon...
Read full storyJordan Frightened Out Of Her Skin At Horrific Cult
Glamour girl and Man Booker Prize contender Jordan (real name Katie 'Lowest Ever' Price) has today weighed into what is rapidly becoming the moral debate of our time. In an outspoken statement, Jordan has finally decided to come out and denounce...
Read full story'Where Are They Now?' Part 3: The Milky Bar Kid
Today, in the third of our series 'Where Are They Now?' - in which we look at the lives of the once famous which, having circulated for a time in the bubbling, blue, heavily disinfected water of fame, then seemed to slip almost unnoticed down the toilet bowl of notoriety and into the bendy rusted pipework of obscurity- we ask, 'The Milky Bar Kid': what in the name of vomit-inducing white chocolate...
Read full story115-Year-Old Woman Dies Waiting for Health Care Reform
LOS ANGELES, CA - Gerta Blaine lost her battle against death today in Los Angeles, California, at the age of 115, according to the nursing home where she waited for health care reform until her very last breath. Blaine attributed her longevity to...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Denies Rob Pattinson Bonkathon Rumour
Twilight starlet Kristen Stewart today emerged from her trailer at MGM studios in Hollywood to deny rumours that she had taken part in a three day bonkathon with co-star Robert Pattinson. "It's just not true," a tearful Stewart told the assembled...
Read full storyWayne Rooney Denies Being An Ermaphrodite
Manchester United and England star Wayne Rooney has reacted angrily to suggestions he may have gender problems, and that his genetic make-up includes some female characteristics. He told BBC Radio 5 Live: "Erm ... No way, arm norra ermaphrodit...
Read full storySouth African Hermaphrodite Runner Caster Semenya To Step Up To Heavyweight Division
Caster Semenya, the South African world 800m athletics champion, who is at the centre of the Athletics Hermaphrodite scandal, has told her trainer that she is preparing to quit the sport and to get into the boxing ring - as a Heavyweight world title...
Read full storyDavid Beckham Admits He's A Hermaphrodite
There was a new twist in the World Athletics Hermaphrodite Scandal this afternoon, when former England football team captain, David Beckham, revealed that he, too, is a hermaphrodite. Beckham, 34, claims that he is approximately 55% male and 40% f...
Read full storySouth African Runner To Meet Susan Boyle
Caster Semenya, the South African she-man at the centre of the World Athletics Hermaphrodite Scandal, has announced that she/he is to meet with Scottish singing sensation Suan Boyle in Greece later this week to see if they have anything in common.
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