Jordan Frightened Out Of Her Skin At Horrific Cult

Funny story written by Mark Mywords

Saturday, 12 September 2009


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"How About I Put A Little Prick Right Here, Miss Price?"

Glamour girl and Man Booker Prize contender Jordan (real name Katie 'Lowest Ever' Price) has today weighed into what is rapidly becoming the moral debate of our time.

In an outspoken statement, Jordan has finally decided to come out and denounce an activity which is threatening to become a craze on the outer fringes of acceptable society, namely being 'skinned'.

"I'm f**king sorry, but a line has to be drawn some f**king where, and the only acceptable place for it to be drawn is on your f**king body!" She said, bearing a tattoo of some description over every inch of her own disproportionate torso.

"I've heard about this f**king revolting habit of having 'a skin' and it f**king scares me. All I can say is that if it is not banned immediately, the whole f**king country is in danger of being turned into a moral f**king Utopia, and who the f**k wants THAT? Skin is f**king disgusting."

The practice of 'skinning', which involves an individual having an integumentary system over the entirety of his or her body made up of a number of mesodermal tissues, NONE of which bear any kind of shapes, letters, words, birds, knives, anchors, doves, or any other kind of pictorial representation whatsoever, is still something of a cult practice. But it is something that Jordan wants to see ended immediately, or sooner if at all possible. It is believed that, even within living memory, some people went through the whole of their lives with an undecorated epidermis.

"I am going to write a f**king letter to that t**t Gordon Brown, who I know has a f**king big 'tat' of Lady GaGa on his arse. AND that posh bloke, Cameron, who has promised to show me his back when he gets into Number 10, which he says has a multi-coloured montage of stuff depicting Gordon Brown with axes and other sharp implements through various parts of his body. If a 'tat' is good enough for those t**ts, it's good enough for anyone!"

"Tell you f**king what," said an increasingly irate Jordan, "I am going to f**king press for Foetal Tattooing on the NHS as soon as f**king poss. I believe our f**king kids should be allowed to look how the f**king tattoo artist intended. Bare f**king skin is nothing short of an attack upon our immorality, and people in the country need to wake the f**k up, before it's too late."

Never one to miss an opportunity, 'The Sun' is to start a campaign immediately to ensure every woman has her breasts covered with tattoos. They propose to call it the 'Tats For Tits' Fund.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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