Theatre impresario, multi-trillionaire and the world's leading impersonator of decomposing cauliflowers, Andrew Lloyd-Webber, has today cracked open another huge magnum of bubbly to celebrate the launch of his new talent show to find a mutt to play 'Toto' in his new production of 'The Wizard Of Oz'. Auditions for the show, 'Ding, Dong, The Bitch Is Dead Lucky' are due to start in the Autumn.
Lloyd-Webbedfeet, who accepted that he has made his bank manager and local branch of Thresher's incredibly happy with his unerring ability to endlessly run 'talent' shows to find out-of-tune wannabe's for dull theatre productions, vehemently denied that the latest venture was nothing more than outrageously milking the concept.
"People said that about 'How Do You Solve A Problem Like Finding A Competitively Priced Costume Shop To Provide A Nun's Outfit For Maria?'" said a barely sober Lloyd-Wellie. " I don't doubt that they will also say it when I launch my next but one show to find an appropriate rotator blade for a ventilation system, called 'The Fan-turn of the Opera'." And it is hard to flaw his logic. There does seem to be no visible end to the mind-numbing gullibility of the British public to lap up these programmes like Toto going hammer and tongues at a bowl of Pedigree Chum.
Whichever lucky dog eventually ends up winning the contest, it is as yet unclear as to who will play the lead. Maybe Lloyd-Wonderweb will find the answer when he runs a 26 week contest to find the most suitable length of leather strap for the job!
