David Beckham Admits He's A Hermaphrodite

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 12 September 2009

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The signs were always there

There was a new twist in the World Athletics Hermaphrodite Scandal this afternoon, when former England football team captain, David Beckham, revealed that he, too, is a hermaphrodite.

Beckham, 34, claims that he is approximately 55% male and 40% female, with the other 5% as yet unknown. The former Manchester United and Real Madrid star says he has always been very much 'in touch with his feminine side', and has his wife's full support.

Over the years, Beckham has been sensationally photographed wearing clothes and accessories as female as a sari and a hairband, and has regularly been accused of being 'as bent as a nine-bob-note'. This new revelation, however, is sure to cause controversy in the football world, as only men are able to play in Italy's Serie A, where he has played for AC Milan, alhough many players in Italy could reasonably be called 'pansies'.

In the more free-thinking US, where Beckham plays for LA Galaxy, rules are far more fluid, and it's common to see teams made up of men, women, children and animals taking the field of play.

Beckham's wife, Victoria, is expected to make a statement about her own Hermaphroditic state next week.

She doesn't like being left out of anything.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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