Joke Shop Tactics "Worse than first thought"
The world of professional sport was rocked to its very core by the revelation that players and athletes were using "joke shop" style tactics to gain an unfair advantage over their competitors. Dougie Doo, proprietor of Scarborough's Joke Emporium...
Read full storyScottish Medical Association calls for alcohol advertising to be increased
The SMA today called for an increase in advertising for alcohol in Scotland. Its chief executive Sir Robert C Nesbitt said: 'The techniques being deployed by the drinks' industry to advertise their products are increasingly glamorous and sophistic...
Read full storyDerren Brown Pulls Off Greatest Illusion To Date
Derren Brown tonight, on British television, performed the most sensational illusion of his illustrious career, perhaps more astounding even than correctly predicting last Wednesday's six winning lottery balls, when he seemed to have made the very es...
Read full storySusan Boyle aka SuBo CD a fake
SuBo - the YouTube sensation from Britain's Got Talent - recorded her first CD but it's a fake. 'That's not her singing on that CD' - screamed one American fan. 'She sings a million times better than that.' SuBo became an internet sensation when...
Read full storyUK wants Hadise!
Last year's Turkish representative, Belgian born Hadise, has been asked to represent the UK for the Eurovision Song Contest in 2010. Hadise came 4th with her song Düm Tek Tek at the Eurovision Song Contest 2009. Hadise's vocal talent was first not...
Read full storySouth Carolina Secedes From the Union, Again!
In yet another dramatic turn of events the Republican politicians serving in Congress, including Joe Wilson and those in the Senate, along with Mark Sanford, the governor have, harkened to the days leading up to the American Civil War, drawn up paper...
Read full storyFormer Pakistani dictator 'living above kebab shop in Paddington'
London - (Rotters): How the mighty are fallen. Only a year ago he was top dog in Pakistan. Living the life of riley in the Islamabad presidential palace. Hotline to President Bush and Vladimir Pootin. Madoff $$$s paycheck every month. And no...
Read full storyTwilight Books Pulled From Primary Schools
Primary school students have been banned from reading the teen cult classic Twilight books because they are too considered too racy. Librarians have stripped the books from shelves in some junior schools because they believe the content is too se...
Read full storyBarbara Padilla and Susan Boyle To Record "Voices Across The Water"
NEW YORK CITY - The singing sensation from Scotland, Susan Boyle, and the singing sensation from Mexico, Barbara Padilla will soon be going into the recording studio and recording a song written by Sir Paul McCartney titled "Voices Across The Water."...
Read full storyGadaffi promises "Losers" Scotland and Murray to blow their opposition "Out of the Sky"
Colonel Gaddafi has vowed to "Losers" Scotland that they will qualify for the World Cup in 2010 and that Andy Murray will blow Federer and Nadal away in 2010, and if not, he certainly will. Out of gratitude for releasing the Lockerbie "Mass Murder...
Read full storyWhere Are They Now? Part 2: Benny From 'Crossroads'
In the second of our series 'Where Are They Now?', we turn to a figure who in actual fact was a much-loved national treasure over many years, but who in recent times has amazingly failed to register even as a pothole on the 'Sat Nav' of the nation's collective psyche. After much research, and the calling in of numerous sexual favours, I eventually managed to discover the fate of the one and, thank...
Read full storyNew Evidence: Jesus Crucified for Skipping Out on Last Supper
Jerusalem - New historical evidence throws a bombshell into the official reason for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. According to Professor Brighton Moorehead of Oxford University ancient records recently discovered in an old stone shoebox in the bas...
Read full storyLady GaGa drops everything in Paris for a bit of Moulin Rouge, I CAN CAN, ooohh!
Shocking the Parisien Paparazzi takes a lot but even they were reeling as Lady GaGa appeared wearing only a pair of hot black panties revealing her hot pink carpet and very "hot lips." She announced to the world that she was on her way to the Moul...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Joins Khan Jee In Designer Footwear That Could Capture The Whole Toe-Sucker Market!
Lindsay Lohan's high-fashion shopping habits are well documented by anyone who has followed her say, over the last 24-hours, and now she's putting all that to work: Khan Jee has hired her as her artistic adviser. The Khan Jee fashion house of off...
Read full storyJoe Wilson To Become Spokesperson For Tourette Syndrome
(Washington, D.C.) South Carolina Republican Joe Wilson, who shouted "You lie" during President Obama's speech on healthcare to Congress, dropped another bomb shell today, adding to his initial statement that the remark was not premeditated. He has T...
Read full storyLaredo Drug-Sniffing Dog Becomes Addicted
LAREDO, Texas - United States Custom's Department Director Adobe "Chipper" Chipotle has informed Washington D.C. that one of his top drug-sniffing dogs Spot has sadly become addicted to drugs. Spot, who is six years old has been a U.S. Custom's (C...
Read full storySouth African Hermaphrodite Runner Pregnant With Hermaphrodite
Doctors at the centre of the South African Hermaphrodite case have revealed another twist in the already-boring tale of Caster Semenya, the 800m runner who is 'a bit of both' - she's up the duff! Semenya, 18, is expecting a child after penetrating...
Read full story'Where Are They Now?' Part 1 Florence From 'The Magic Roundabout
Today, in the first part of a new series called "Where Are They Now?", a hideous and offensive intrusion into the lives of those who confidently believed they had forever disappeared from the public radar, I caught up with and interviewed one time child prodigy and oversized glove model, Florence from the much-loved children's television programme 'The Magic Roundabout'. Florence, now 61, liv...
Read full storyFirst Total Ass Surgery Approved For Rosie O'Donnell
In the first of it's kind, Rosie O'Donnell will receive a total ass replacement surgery early next year at an unknown Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. Although it was a close call between O'Donnell and Bernie Madoff, Madoff's health was taken into consi...
Read full storyU.S Coast Guard On Potomac Fires On Magazine Swimsuit Issue Photo Shoot
Washington, D.C. - A U.S. Coast Guard naval vessel patrolling the Potomac River has fired on a vessel full of voluptuous blonde ladies taking part in a photo shoot for the swimwear edition of a top men's magazine, while President Obama was heading ac...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Found ALIVE!
There were scenes of jubilation, combopulation and paedoration outside the Neverland ranch this afternoon, after it was announced that, despite the fact that a grand funeral was held to bury him last week, the King of Pop, Michael Jackosn, was today...
Read full storyBreasts Trump Other Body Parts at Spoof
In a startling revelation, online satirical rag "The Spoof" today announced that articles that mention "breasts, "boobs," "mammos," "hooters, "melons," "tatas," "fun bags," "gazongas," "bazongas," "congas," "jugs," "hefties," "nose cones," "pontoons,...
Read full storySouth African Runner Hermaphrodite Is A Bit More Man Than Woman
Caster Semenya, the South African 800m she-man at the centre of the 'is she/isn't he' Hermaphrodite scandal, has been checked-out again by doctors, who now say that the runner is a little bit more man than woman. Semenya, who became the world cham...
Read full storyHacker Infects School Video Systems with Socialism Virus
A hacker apparently infiltrated hundreds of school video systems across the United States Tuesday and introduced the virulent socialism virus into them. Monitors from the Fox Fruitcake Company, who discovered the hacking and disclosed it to the publi...
Read full storyGrandma Lee and Barbara Padilla in Huge Catfight!
LOS ANGELES, CA, SEPTEMBER 11, 2009 …… Grandma Lee's remarks to Barbara Padilla backstage at the America's Got Talent Semi-Finals clearly hit a nerve for the always composed lyric soprano, widely considered the contest frontrunner. "Grandma Lee w...
Read full storyBeckham Stakes Claim For World Cup Berth
Obsessive/Compulsive disorder sufferer David Beckham has said in the strongest possible terms that he wants to be a part of England's World Cup plans - the 2050 World Cup, in fact, and beyond! "I just love playing for England," said 'Goldendrawls'...
Read full storyDeath Cat Visited Ted Kennedy Just Before Death
The noted cat, Calvin Oscar, who has been seen going into the rooms of over 50 dying patients at a nursing home in Providence, Rhode Island two years ago, before he was adopted and taken home by a worker there, apparently appeared in the room of Mass...
Read full storyGuy Fawkes to sue 911 'Truthers'
The ghost of Guy Fawkes did ascent from the depths of hell today to take Alex Jones and other 911 'thruthers' to court for their version of his Remember, remember the 5th November rhyme and using it in their 911 truth protests. The ghostly image...
Read full storyNorth-West Constabulary To Consider Renting Out Police Cell
In what is becoming a situation of increasing concern for a constabulary in the north-west, consideration is now being given to renting out a police cell at one police station, according to Chief Constable Luciano Paparrazo. "It is a sad fact, but...
Read full storyNevada Anthropologist and son fall out over Breast Appreciation Day
LAS VEGAS, NV (ABSNN)-- In a follow up to Thursday's story by Skoob1999, Daffit O. Poor, the son of Nobello Prize Winning Cultural Anthropologist Dr. Diane J. Poor, has been removed from the family home after what Las Vegas police termed a "domestic...
Read full storyTeachers Reveal Naughtiest Names
Teachers in the UK believe that children with certain names are likelier to cause more trouble than others, according to a poll released today. The 'Teachers Pest' list has been compiled after representatives from parenting club mumswet.com had ha...
Read full storyBryan Robson Sparks Panic In Bangkok
Police with riot shields fought to keep back demonstrators outside the Thai FA in Bangkok this afternoon, after it was announced that the former West Bromwich Albion, Middlesbrough, Bradford City and Sheffield United failure, Bryan Robson was on a sh...
Read full storySouth African Runner Crowned Hermaphrodite 800m World Champion
South Africa's 800m world champion Caster Semenya has undergone gender tests that have concluded the 18-year-old is a Hermaphrodite, and has all the best qualities of both sexes, it has been revealed. The tests were undertaken just hours before s...
Read full storyFabio Capello Replaces Gonad Brown as New Labour Leader
Never one to miss the opportunity to turn something into a political football, Business Secretary and practising gastropod mollusc Lord Mandelson has today announced that Gordon Brown is to be AXED as leader of the Labour Party, and replaced by 'Il D...
Read full storyUK PM Gordon Brown Addresses Asylum Issue
UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown has today pledged to deal with the issue of asylum, something which has been concerning increasing numbers of voters for a considerable period of time. In order to deal with the concerns, Gordon Brown has today arriv...
Read full storyFabio Capello To Swap Places With Susan Boyle Because He Looks A Bit Like Her
There was controversy at Soho Square this afternoon when it was announced that England football team manager, Fabio Capello, was to make an extraordinary job swap with Scottish singing sensation, Susan Boyle, because he looks a bit like her. The s...
Read full storyFashion House Releases Clothing Line for Disabled Individuals
Minnesota, MN - In response to a $100,000k+ fine imposed on the chain for discriminating against a differently-abled individual at their Mall of America branch, a US fashion chain has dedicated an entire line of clothing for those suffering with disa...
Read full storyGoogle to Celebrate Boob Day with New Logo
Mountain View, CA - The internet search behemoth Google, well-known for altering their logo to commemorate such events as Thomas Edison's birthday and the 20th anniversary of Zero Wing, has secretly commissioned graphic designers to alter their logo...
Read full storyGlenn Beck quits Fox News, goes on tour with Wanda Sykes
Washington DC - Former conservative commentator Glenn Beck has given up his prime time spot on Fox News, and announced plans to join Wanda Sykes, the openly gay African-American comedian, on her upcoming Funny Ass Liberal Lesbo tour. Appearing on...
Read full storyJoe Wilson Exposed as Pathological Liar
Washington, DC - Investigators led by Rahm Emanuel, White House chief of staff, have uncovered evidence of a lifetime of pathological lying by Republican Representative Joe Wilson of South Carolina. Mr. Wilson made headlines for his outburst during t...
Read full storySeptember 11 declared National Asapartame Experimentation Day
Washington DC - President Obomba has declared September 11 to be National Aspartame Experimentation Day. In his prepared remarks, released to the press, he stated: "People, we need to balance the budget and cut the population of idiots way down i...
Read full storyObama Heckler To Be Executed
In what many analysts are describing as a landmark decision in his career as President of the United States, Barrack Obama ordered the execution of Senator Joe Wilson, formerly of South Carolina. This decree comes only 18 hours after the disgraced Se...
Read full storyVegan Group Buys Madoff's Penthouse Apartment
New York NY: Bernard Madoff's luxury penthouse apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan has been sold for $10 million to an anonymous Vegan Group. The group plans to convert the 4,000 square ft. duplex Condo located in a 12 story building (w...
Read full storyThe tall dwarf of Oleander - a fable
Somewhere far off in the land of In-Between, there existed a mystical kingdom. It's lands stretched from the waters of Taramac to the shores of Coriander. This kingdom, The Kingdom of Oleander was known far and wide as the land of liberty, and was celebrated for the renowned cheerfulness and generosity of its citizens. This mystical kingdom was indeed, a very special place, it was, in fact, a n...
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