New Evidence: Jesus Crucified for Skipping Out on Last Supper

Funny story written by Asheville Jack

Friday, 11 September 2009

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Jerusalem - New historical evidence throws a bombshell into the official reason for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. According to Professor Brighton Moorehead of Oxford University ancient records recently discovered in an old stone shoebox in the basement of the Antiquities Department reveal a new and entirely unusual reason for the demise of Jesus.

Said Prof Moorehead, "It appears the actual reason Jesus was brought before the Jewish elders and then Pontius Pilate was that Jesus and his disciples skipped out on the bill for Last Supper. A dilapidated but legible receipt from a certain Damascus Road Restaurant and Lounge in Jerusalem contends that the Galilee Crew, as they were known then, left without paying. The receipt in today's money would be the equivalent of $289.16."

It appears from these official records that when offered an opportunity to pay the bill and avoid punishment, none of the Galilee Crew could produce any money.

The records also shows that Jesus said he didn't believe in material things anyways, including money. However Jesus did offer to turn a barrel of water into wine in lieu of cash.

The records also say that this offer was turned down by the angry owner of the restaurant. It appears that while the owner was out back in the kitchen retrieving more bread as requested, the Galilee Crew left out the front door.

The angry owner had to chase them down and was in no mood to compromise.

"This sheds new light on a very interesting period in history. It now appears that skipping out of a restaurant bill was a common occurrence at that time," said Prof Moorehead, "and that the penalty for doing so was quite severe."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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