Teenage Mutant Hoody Zombie Teen Stalk 'N' Slash Massacre- Part Friday The 13th. Be very afraid.
Johnny Boy is dead. He has been decapitated for no apparent reason. By some mysterious hand. His head lies some three feet away from his body. His blood seeps into the floorboards. "We have a problem here people," Abel Zorro Rodriguez says through gritted teeth. "It looks like Johnny Boy has bit the bullet. In short, he's a bit dead." "And we have serious continuity problems here...
Read full story'Maddie was never even in Portugal' book burned
Rothley, Leicestershire - (Red Herring Press): A disgraced Portuguese former cop will see the entire 25,000 copy print run of his memoir burned to cinders after a court ruled it was inflammatory rubbish. Goncalo Amaral's book claimed 'the McCanns...
Read full storyThe Nation's Biggest Breast Outlet To Expand
DALLAS - One of the country's leading ladies lingerie franchises has just announced a major expansion. Appling Willacoochie, the CEO of the Dallas-based Rackalicious Firm, a subsidiary of the Tata's Group which owns 3,600 Tits 'R' Us nationwide ha...
Read full storyS&M blowhard Duvall denies he is London Assemblyman Len's brother
California - (Ass Mess): Disgraced kinky sex boaster and ex-California State Assembly member Mike Duvall has vigorously denied being the cosmic twin brother of Len Duvall, former Metropolitan Police Authority chairman and member of the London Assembl...
Read full storyTaylor Swift To Star In "The Lovely Lilting Life of Britney Spears"
HOLLYWOOD - Nineteen year old Taylor Swift has been signed to portray Britney Spears in the new movie from Touchstone Pictures entitled, The Lovely Lilting Life of Britney Spears. Young Swift is thrilled at the prospect of portraying the legendary...
Read full storyLarry King Shits In His Hospital Bed
Saying that he guesses he's OK or will be soon, CNN's Larry King told reporters from his hospital bed that the last thing he expected during the interview with Amy Winehouse last night over some of her wildest adventures that she could remember, was...
Read full storyNevada Cultural Anthropologist Slams Breast Appreciation Day As Cultural Terrorism
Esteemed Nevada Cultural Anthropologist, Diane J Poor has branded leading Spoofologists as 'Cultural Terrorists' over their overwhelming support for Breast Appreciation Day. "It's demeaning to women," Poor told us. "Why the fascination with breast...
Read full storyShamed Spoof Writer remains in hiding
After being told that her latest expose of the Lady GaGa "Is She or Isn't He?" scandal was "Too Defamatory" Estonian Muck Raker, manager of the National Estonian Fudge-Hut and Grandmother of 27 Vaginia-Eston- Flapski aka Ulver remains in hiding shame...
Read full storyEngland Lose To Germany Again
It is with great regret that we have to report that the England ladies football team today succumbed to defeat at the hands of the Germans, in Helsinki, Finland by a 6-2 margin. In the final of the European Ladies Football championship. The Eng...
Read full storyCongressman Joe Wilson receives Douche-Bagger award
In the first monthly award of the new organization, The Douche-Baggers have given the award to Congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina. Moving quickly to establish the group after the combination of the T-Baggers & The Birthers, the new gro...
Read full storyJizz Bomber Arrested
Potential jizz bomber Fred 'the Ted' Holden was arrested this morning on Cambridge Heath Road in London, by Bethnal Green tube station. Holden was suspected of undermining National Breast Appreciation Day by planting jizz bombs wherever bare breas...
Read full storyMichelle Obama in Global Bid To Help Health Care Initiative
In an e-mail which was leaked this morning from the White House, details are now emerging about how Barack Obama plans to finance his health care initiative, a corner-stone of his policy platform during the early stages of his presidency, although to...
Read full storyIs Michael Jackson's Son, "Blanket", Real Father An American Indian?
In a quest to find the natural father of "Blanket", one of Michael three kids, the family has ran across a Native American by the name of Windy Three Sheets. Windy, according to our source, once saved Michael Jackson and an older child's life, if...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Won't Really Be Coming Back To Life In Vienna
Breaking news, which broke yesterday, but we made a bit of a mess of it, so we're back to make amends and present this item in a professional manner. Jermaine Jackson, who isn't German, but hails from Gary, Indiana, announced yesterday that he wil...
Read full storyFlintshire County Council To Rename Sponge Pudding
Buoyed by their decision to re-name the stodgy English pudding known for centuries as 'Spotted D**k' (the name is too offensive to be published in this, or indeed any other, publication), Flintshire County Council has today announced a battery of fur...
Read full storyNational Breast Appreciation Day Under Fire From National Basketball Association
Organisers of the very first event in the US to celebrate the familiar form and much-loved pastime of women's breasts, have attracted criticism from top brass at the National Basketball Association for using the same acronym as the jumping sporting s...
Read full storyGay Old Time on American Idol
It's official - all four judges on Fox's "American Idol" now are gay and have no discernible musical talent. In a stunning turn, AI has named famed lesbian talk show host Ellen DeGeneres as the replacement for outgoing judge Paula "La Lush" Abdul...
Read full storyBeckham Cock Up Leaves Him Out Of The World Cup
England have booked themselves a place in the World Cup finals in South Africa next summer, but it looks like one star will be left behind. David Beckham has shot himself in his Adidas Predators for the last time in his international career. The...
Read full storyA Grim Fairy Tale: Our Very Own President Pinnochio Caught Lying!
City of Catchfools/ A Never Ending Tale - In a night of enlightenment for the US electorate, the US President was exposed in front of the nation as a complex web of lies finally ensnared the little wooden puppet from Chicago, who wanted to become a...
Read full storyKatie Couric, Diane Sawyer Feud Red Hot!
The evening news will be worth watching once again, just in case you've turned off the Obama propanda machines during the last year. Why? Because Diane Sawyer is replacing Charles Gibson as anchor there at the first of the year and she and Katie C...
Read full storyPoland To Destroy All Of Its Piggy Banks
VOX POPULI by Lexington Fabriano Vox Populi is a column of collected factual facts and figurative figures from America and other countries throughout the world that appear in the monthly trivia publication Wild Oatmeal. 1. Poland in an effort to stop the spread of swine flu has ordered that all piggy banks be destroyed. 2. In 2012, the state of Oregon will legally change its name to Or...
Read full storyPresident Obama To Address School Janitors Next
OTTUMWA, Iowa - President Barack Obama was in Ottumwa, Iowa to meet with the Popcorn Growers Coalition regarding the popcorn shortage. Lonnie Farlander, founder and president of the PGC, expressed his concern to the president that if something is...
Read full storyCIA Discover New Al Qaeda Plot
The CIA have today confirmed that it has uncovered a new Al Qaeda plot in North London. Operatives swooped in a raid just after dawn. One man was found at the location, holding something believed to be weighing several pounds, and saying he was g...
Read full storyBrown Freshman Week kinky initiation ritual for Emma Watson and Scout LaRue Willis!
Providence, Rhode Island - (Poison Ivy League Mess): 'A lot like the Skull And Bones but without the osteoporosis'. That's how acolytes describe the ceremonial that awaits Scarlet Letter actress Scout LaRue Willis and Harry Potter star Emma Watson...
Read full storyTV Report: Pro Football Season Opens Tonight
Detroit MI: Hello sports fans this is Kevin of KCAR TV, broadcasting from the media booth at Ford Field. Tonight the 2009 American Football season kicks off with the Detroit Kibitzers Vs the St Louis Nudniks. As many local lions may remember from the 2008 season, the home team didn't win a single game! To liven things up a bit I have asked the lovely Britney to join me and describe some of the...
Read full story"No Drama Obama" Blows Top in House Chamber
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama totally lost it in the House of Representatives today after members of both parties made disingenuous remarks. Republican House member Joe Wilson had shouted "You lie!" during the President's health care speech t...
Read full storyJordan - Peed Off At Breast Appreciation Day - Gives It The Finger
Uber breasted glamour model and renowned gobshite, Jordan, who is really heartbroken over her failed marriage to Aussie wailer, Peter Andre, to the extent that she's been photographed topless, with a cage fighter... Well, anyway, she has given the...
Read full storyIt's Official - Ellen DeGeneres Is The New American Idol Judge
HOLLYWOOD - Paula who? The producers of the number one show on American television have just signed day time talk show host Ellen DeGeneres to take Paula "I Want $20 Mil" Abdul's place. American Idol Producer Simon Shindlebocker, 53, said that the...
Read full storyPresident Obama Speech Heckler Pepper Sprayed
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In what political pundits are calling a first ever for the U.S. Senate, a senator had to be pepper sprayed because of his out-of-line actions. President Obama was talking about how he wanted to dispel the rumor that he was getti...
Read full storyOhio State Preempts Outcome, Forfeits to Southern California
Columbus, Ohio - Confused fans watched in disbelief as Ohio State head coach Jim Tressel surrendered to Southern California head coach Pete Carroll in Ohio Stadium well in advance of the two teams scheduled match-up on Saturday. "I just figured I...
Read full storyDavid Hassahoof quits AGT
David Hassahoof - a long time judge on America Gits Talent - is quitting the talent television show. Fans are threatening to boycott AGT if Simon Codwelt - who runs the reality show - won't settle the dispute between the Hoof and Pierce Urmumagan.
Read full storyCockshutt Woodcocks to Audition Cockettes
COCKSHUTT, NEW ZEALAND, UK Hoping to capitalize on favorable publicity generated by the entire team's appearance at the recent National Penis Day celebration, "Big" Dick Johnson, team captain of the popular Cockshutt Woodcocks Football Club, detaile...
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