Buoyed by their decision to re-name the stodgy English pudding known for centuries as 'Spotted D**k' (the name is too offensive to be published in this, or indeed any other, publication), Flintshire County Council has today announced a battery of further protective moral measures to ensure that their staff are not offended, outraged or morally compromised by filth, smut, or indeed any other form of debauchery.
Head of the Welsh local authority's newly formed 'Moral Planning Department', Mary Goode-Evans, has indicated that God-fearing Council Tax payers money is now to be diverted immediately from the waste collection budget. This will henceforth be used in the formation and running of a body called 'The Inquisition', whose sacred duty it will be to scour the local authority's departments seeking any evidence (the very least will apparently suffice) of moral degradation and filth.
"Having started in the staff canteen," said a holy adamant Mrs Goode-Evans, "we propose to review the morality of the menu without further ado. That disgusting, lewd and damned to hell and beyond dish, 'Coq au Vin', will be from this moment on renamed 'Thingy in Sacramental Red Wine Sauce'. All reference to 'puff pastry' by employees is from this moment forward punishable with summary dismissal, flagellation and forty-seven 'Hail Mary's' - that's me, by the way, not the Blessed Virgin. Anything in that particular form of pastry will be renamed, and the rider 'not homosexual' added."
The moral crackdown (although, apparently, all reference to 'crack' will be banned, on the basis that it might refer to either drugs or the bottoms of homosexuals) will extend throughout the offices. "Those contraptions that you speak into [d*ctaphones] will be renamed 'Richardtaphones'" assured Mrs Goode-Evans. It is understood that pitchforks and torches will be made available to all council workers on demand, once an order, signed in triplicate, has been placed with "Welsh Witchfynders PLC".
The leader of the Flintshire County Council, mayor Thomas Rhys Torquemada, was apparently engaged in an 'auto da fe', involving several blasphemers and a large burning wheel, and was therefore unavailable for comment.
