LIVER-POOL, LIVER-POOL, LIVER-POOL!
Liverpool - home city of The Beatles, home of Liverpool and Everton Football Clubs, became the first major city in the UK to state that it was 100% unconvinced by Conservative leader David Cameron's rousing yet lacking in anything substantial speech,...
Read full storyBrooke Astor's Son Anthony Found Guilty of Looting Dying Mother's Estate
Anthony Marshall, 85 year old son of the late heiress and philanthropist Brooke Astor, has been found guilty of looting the estate of his mother for over $200 million dollars. Marshall was convicted by a New York jury on 14 counts of grand larceny a...
Read full storyElderly man sells life insurance to bank...receives loaded thirty-eight by UPS
A Louisberg resident sold his life insurance policy to the Rob-u-quick Bank last month after seeing the ads on TV targeted to seniors. Mr. T. J. Mc Corkle of Louisburg, NC and his wife of forty-seven years were having a hard time living on their smal...
Read full storyAnother lost Gospel found
In an incredible coincidence after the lost Gospel of St. Michael was found earlier this week, another one, the Gospel of St. Obama, was discovered in the ruins of the Lebanese town of Yanqi Kanonfodda. Here it is: 'Joseph was a carpenter, and verily took Mary of Kennerty as his wife, though Mary was of child. And Mary had a son, and that son was called Baraq Hussein Obama. And Obama was a wise...
Read full storyDavid Cameron - Great Speech - No Substance, No Policy
Conservative Party Leader David Cameron today wowed delegates with his footnote speech at the Conservative Party Conference in Manchester. Cameron appeared to wow delegates with a promise to punish the workshy, and those who abuse the welfare syst...
Read full storyJustice Sonia Sotomayor to Pitch for Yankees in World Series
The newest Supreme Court Justice is, for sure, a team player. Literally. During breaks in court sessions, she's warming up for her latest gig, pitching for the New York Yankees in the World Series. Yankees manager Joe Girardi was not eager t...
Read full storyDonny Osmond and Bruno Tonioli Agreed To Star In New Sitcom - The Fruits of Napa Valley
LOS ANGELES - Dancing With The Stars Judge Bruno Tonioli aka the "Italian Non-Stallion" and DWTS contestant Donny Osmond aka the "Stormin' Mormon" have agreed to appear in a TV sit-com on the new G-Network. A spokesperson for the brand new networ...
Read full storyShopping for a New Suit
I think that I pissed off some people yesterday. Of course, for folks who come into contact with me, this is not something rare or new. I need a new suit. I got too fat to wear my older ones (and they were old and dying anyway) and was down to just two tweed sportcoats. Since winter is approaching, I wanted at least one new suit now for church, weddings, funerals, and just looking studely in...
Read full storyE-Mail Staff To Strike In Sympathy With Royal Mail
A spokesman for the International Union of Email Directors has announced that his members will be coming out in support of Royal Mail union members should it become necessary. Royal Mail has indicated that it it is prepared to take action followin...
Read full storyUS Citizen Applies To UK For Political Asylum
British immigration officials were reportedly 'utterly baffled' by a US citizen's application for political asylum earlier today. The applicant, reported to be a Mr Paul Potts, originally of Nowhere, Nebraska has told British officials that, havin...
Read full storyLiam To Give His Side Of Oasis Break-Up (But Not Yet And Certainly Not To Us)
Skoob news has learned that Liam Gallagher has decided to reveal his side of the story of events, when the band split on August 28th in Paris, as they were due to start a gig. But he says he won't divulge this information just yet, and that he cer...
Read full storySpoof writers throw rotten apples and scream FIX, FIX, at Herta Mueller, nobel prize winner 2009 for literature!
Spoof writers have invaded the streets of Oslo after it was announced that a Rumanien born Kraut (what?!!) called Herta Mueller scooped the Nobel prize for literature 2009. Led by the ultimate "Hooligan Nutters" Jaggedone and Sir Skoobspeare, clos...
Read full storyParliament to be moved to Eton
The latest Conservative plans for cut backs on government expenses have received mixed reactions. George Osborne today told the full meeting hall in Manchester about his scheme to rule from Eton, so that Westminster can be done up and rented out to J...
Read full storySilvio Berlusconi can now face trial as long as he has bribed the judge!
Silvio Berlusconi alias Mussolini, can now be put on trial for corruption, scandals, sex scandals, jumping into bed with the Mafia, jumping into bed with under aged Lolitas, in fact any of the abuses of his position! Only one problem exists, most...
Read full storyESPN Announces New Soccer Line Up with Erin Andrews and UK Nut Bag "Skoob1999"
NY,NY/ Entertainment and Sporting News - Over 35 avid US Soccer fans celebrated at the expatriate Oasis Bar and Grill on East 23rd Street today with the stunning announcement that 'real soccer' announcers would be appearing on the sports channel's la...
Read full storyBristol Palin's Ex-Boyfriend Plans to Expose Himself
Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin reacted with shock and disbelief as her daughter Bristol's 19-year-old ex-boyfriend and father of her grandchild Levi Johnson announced to the world that he was going to pose nude for Playgirl Magazine. "I hope h...
Read full storyN.O.W. supports women's prisons
The leader of the National Organization for Women Terry O'Neill said in a press interview that her organization supports the incarceration of women in prisons because women that commit crimes are a danger to free women in society. When asked abou...
Read full storyFunny Funkers Hall of Fame announces Class of 2009 nominees
PISSEDIN SPRINGS, FL (ABSNN) -- This sleepy southern town of 210 souls announced the Friday opening of of The Funny Funkers Hall of Fame located in nearby Sanford, Florida. "A bunch of us old folks were sitting around in the TV room of The Home la...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Confesses To Kristen
Apparently Robert Pattinson had something in his past that he really didn't want Kristen Stewart to know but she knew instinctively that there has always been something that he has been holding back. So, this past weekend he told her, and it didn...
Read full storyHigh School Haiku Winners Announced
Sponsored by Japanese toy and video gaming giant, Banshee Nippon, winners in the U.S. 2009 high school Haiku competition were announced last Thursday amid national controversy. Scheduled in conjunction with a series of summit meetings held by the U...
Read full storyAlthough 99% Of Men Say It's "NO!", "Whatever" Polled To Be Most Annoying Word For 2009
According to a new study "Whatever" is the most annoying word but for the 6,000th year in a row, men say that it is "No!" If you're in the US or planning to go there, whatever you do don't use the word "Whatever" stated the article! For some...
Read full storyNASA LCROSS Moon Crash: Check your Lunar Land Lease
All over the globe, people are searching out their lunar land ownership certificates to see if Friday's bombing by NASA has targeted their property. If it turns out that someone owns the area concerned, based on the Outer Space Treaty of 1967 they m...
Read full storyPolinski: The Little Bounder Claimed To Be 12!
In Zurich, Switzerland yesterday, Director Roman Polinski defended his 1977 rape of a 13-year-old model by expressing his belief that she claimed she was only 12 at the time. "She seemed much too young for a 13-year-old, but then they are smarter...
Read full storyRio cops some heat
Copenhagen, Thursday. There has been mixed reaction to Rio de Janeiro being awarded the 2016 Olympic Games. Many Olympic Games observers believe that the Brazilian city deserved the award and that it had the best bid. However, like most things, t...
Read full storyConfusion over new assisted suicide legislation
New government guidelines concerning 'assisted suicide' have been the cause of some confusion among the happy. However, those who require no help at all will be comforted to learn that it is still regarded as acceptable to take a handful of tranqu...
Read full storyWelsh Assembly Aid For Steel Plants
Steelmaker Ruckus is getting into financial trouble experiencing falling orders amid the effects of the recession and with the possibility of job cuts the Welsh Assembly has decided to make a move which could safeguard some steelworkers' jobs. The...
Read full storyBerlusconi to become monk
Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi is to become a monk. A spokesperson said that he would be entering a monastery before the coming weekend. The monastery is on the Isola Piccolo Deserta, a barren isle of 109 inhabitants off the coast of...
Read full storyNew Meaning for Porkulus: Man Gets $9M Award for Medically Induced 2 Day Erection!
Atlanta, Ga/ Erectile Dysfunction Update - A smiling Georgia man, identified only as Dick from Valdasta, walked out of Civil Court this morning $9.25m richer after being awarded that sum for having to deal with a two (2) day erection after self medic...
Read full storyTheSpoof Comes In Second Again In Nobel Prize For Literature
Herta Mueller, a member of Romania's ethnic German minority who was persecuted for her critical depictions of life behind the Iron Curtain for many years, has won the 2009 Nobel Prize in literature Thursday in an award seen as recognition of the 20th...
Read full storyShades of Jade Goody in Strictly Cum Dancing 'paki' jibe
London - (Last Tango in Paris): A Jade Goody/Shilpa Shetty-style slur by Strictly Cum Dancing wannabe champ Anton du Beke has been brushed aside by ageing geriatric TV show host Bruce Foreskin. "Like, get over it!" Brucie told reporters today afte...
Read full storyFrench farce as Polanski bum rap minister recalls trawling paedo fleshpots
Paris - (Sacre Bleu!): The French culture minister who branded Roman Polanski's arrest a bum rap is in hiding at a government colonic irrigation whitewash facility. A TV debate about Frederic Mitterrand's pervy memoir of sex with young boys in Thi...
Read full storyGorilla poses as prostitute: ACORN tells it to pose as illegal alien instead
ALAMEEDA, AK (ABSNN) -- A Crocashit News Network reporter, dressed in gorilla costume, entered the Alameeda, Arkansas chapter of ACORN Wednesday evening, posing as a teenaged prostitute, and asked ACORN employees how to acquire federal housing fundin...
Read full storyEU to follow up on its anti-trust legislation.
Following the EU's recent successful extortion of large sums from Microsoft, for unfairly including its free Internet Explorer browser with its brand-leading OS, "Windows", a committee has been formed to find other complicated words to describe and i...
Read full storyThe Gospel of St. Michael discovered
The missing Gospel of St. Michael has been discovered in a cave in southern Syria, and here it is: 'And in the land of Judah a baby was born, and he was named Michael, meaning squeaker, and three scribes from the Far East of Londonium arrived, bearing gifts. And Michael's mother was Mary, and she was much pleased with her son, for he looked much like she did. And soon Michael and his family...
Read full storyKirstie Alley Hits 409 Pounds - Says She Is Completely Giving Up All Food
MALIBU BEACH, California - Actress Kirstie Alley who is best noted for her role of the cigarette-addicted manager of the bar in the TV sit-com Cheers has just hit the big 409. Alley who has been battling weight loss for the past several years say...
Read full storySeal Tells His Wife Heidi Klum To Take His Last Name or He'll Divorce Her
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Model, actress, and Project Runway host Heidi Klum has stated that she has petitioned to have her last name changed. The German born beauty will be dropping her last name Klum and replacing it with her husband Seal's last name Sa...
Read full storyPresident Obama Meets With Spin Doctors
Washington DC: President Obama met with 150 medical doctors, from 50 states, to garner their support for his health care reform initiative. Subsequently at the White House, Democratic Party spin doctors met with the president, Press Secretary Gibbs a...
Read full storyTwelve Top Signs Your New Friend May Be A Somali Pirate
12. There's a lot or Rrrrrrr's in his speech: "What say we go to Arrrrrrrby's tonight?" 11. Orders pizza and runs to pay for it from "me bounty". 10. Just before you jump from the high dive, you thought you felt the end of a cutlass upon your back. 9. "Let's take arrrr food out of the kitchen and eat on the poopdeck." 8. Even the slightest breeze seems to shiver his timbers. 7. T...
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