How To Ride Paris Hilton's "Coattails"
According to Paris Hilton's family, that's what Doug ReinHardt was doing before the couple recently broke up and with that family, they are not shy in saying so. "I think Paris needs to be with someone who is a bit more mature, older and has their...
Read full storyCraigslist and Legal Prostitution
New York authorities released seven people accused of running a prostitution ring on the Web site Craigslist, the state's attorney general announced. Attorney General Andrew Cuomo's office said the group ran a 24-hour prostitution ring called Roo...
Read full storyRussell Brand To Tour With Susan Boyle and Shaheen Jafargholi
LONDON - Simon Cowell's 19th Hole Productions has just signed Russell Brand, Susan Boyle, and little 12-year-old Shaheen Jafargholi to go on a 61-city concert tour of the United Kingdom. Cowell said that he first approached Brand at a London boxin...
Read full storyNorth Korea And The Lynne Intelligence Test
The United Nations is arguing the Lynne studies, done in 1977, which claims Asians have an I.Q. of 105 after North Korea's disastrous nuclear blunder. North Korean scientist have discovered that constant nuclear testing in North Korea has contamin...
Read full storyNayan - Sampu affair shocks film industry
Olunews and other top news organization have recently reported that actress Nayan secretly got married to Sampath. When OluNews asked the actress for comment she denied the reports that she got married to Sampu. When asked about her relationship with...
Read full storyAdvisory from the US Center for Responsible Appellation Policy
It has come to the attention of the US Center for Responsible Appellation Policy (US CRAP) that the global porcine slander has become intolerable and reflects personal prejudice, not fact. Accordingly, new recommendations are being promulgated to mor...
Read full storyMore Princess Eugenie bollox as junior 'royal' heads toTanzania to groom unsuspecting teenagers
Fuckingham Palace - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): "Eugenie is going to be helping young African gels who are a bit behind with their sex slavery aspirations," Sarah, Duchess of Pork told reporters today. "It's so frightfully important that young usel...
Read full storyDeadly Swine Flu Coming This Fall Says WHO, Now On Highest Alert!
People seem to be sitting around with their finger up their ass and watching everything from talent contests on TV to the next movie date when they need to inform themselves about the Swine Flu, according to the World Health Organization. With the...
Read full storyGreat Grandson of Illegitimate Child Born In Grandma's Boarding House Wins Grandma's Marathon
Duluth, Mn - The great grandson of an illegitimate child born in Grandma's boarding house, the precurser to Grandma's Restaurant, has won the Grandma's Marathon in Duluth, Minnesota. The marathon got its name from its first sponsor, Grandma's Restaur...
Read full storyPrinces William and Harry to get BBC3 Sketch Show
Princes William and Harry have been offered their own comedy sketch show on BBC3. BBC bosses were said to be keen to sign up the popular double act after their hilarious back and forth banter in a recent TV interview. Prince William said that whi...
Read full story'Plane Lands Safely in LA', in latest American news drama
An airliner today landed safely without incident in Los Angeles airport, in the USA, and within minutes television news teams descended on the area to interview any eye witnesses. 'It woz, lik, awzum', said one anonymous Californian, 'wun meeneet...
Read full storyAir France - $24,000 Comp. - In Depth Analysis - How Did They Arrive At That Figure?
Paris, France - Air France will offers victims of Air France 447 each $24,000 US. In analyzing how the corporation came to that figure, a company communications representative gave the following breakdown. "When executives went about calculating t...
Read full storyChris Brown's Says Rihanna Has Bad Vibes, Dating Tina Turner
Chris Brown, the 19-year-old R&B Punch & Judy singer who could be on his way to a jail sentence over supposedly beating up singer RiHanna, has told several reporters in the press that he is now dating Tina Turner. "Nothing wrong with that"...
Read full storyFans March For Hillsborough Enquiry
Five families who lost their relatives in the Hillsborough disaster marched into Downing Street with thousands of their supporters, to demand further investigation into the events of April 1989. But as they had spent the march drinking endless can...
Read full storyPolice Stop One-Penis Show!
Just when the residents of the Roland Apartment Complex in Flener City were getting ready for one of their citizen's, we'll call him Harold "Harry" Joe Buck because that's who the police say he is, one-penis production of Shakespeare's "AS YOU LIKE I...
Read full storyObama Swats Fly, Bug-Related Superheroes And Villains Up In Arms
As the fall-out continues to spread across the world due to President Barack Obama swatting a fly with ninja-like reflexes, killing the insect instantly, a portion of the population is up in arms (all 6 or 8 of them) about one of its kin-folk. "Th...
Read full storyJonas Brothers Pose As Street People
Joe came up with the idea but all three Jonas brothers donned old clothes and went to an unnamed city and posed as street people to see how they were treated. "We're thinking about doing a serious movie, including some different music we've practi...
Read full storyOne MP's Blacked-Out Expenses Claim Form
Form ICU2 Page 200 of 307 Details of second home: a typical second home we all have Address of second home: [blank] Castle, Shropshire Regular Travel Patterns: [blank] Carlo to [blank]; Las [blank] to Reno; the [blank] Islands to Montego [blank] Names of Anyone Delivering Goods To Home: [blank] and Mason's; Har[blank]'s; lots of servants. Legitime Expenses for Constituency Work: mai...
Read full storyChaz Bono, Matthew McConaughey Jailed After Fiery Night at Beach
LOS ANGELES, CA - Bromantically linked Chaz Bono and his chronically naked bosom buddy Matthew McConaughey were jailed last night after Brentwood police were summoned to the beach to investigate a call concerning "flame throwers and bongo drums."...
Read full storySchwarzenegger's Urgent Message on Social Network Site Takes Two Hours to Decipher
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Twit, or tweet? When the cockpit of California Governor Schwarzenegger's plane filled with smoke, members of popular Internest social network YouChirp say they couldn't tell if his urgent warble at the site was some sort of pract...
Read full storyMike Hammer Gets Hammered In The Bronx
Fictional detective Mike Hammer, a creation of the late and widely respected author Mickey Spillane, last night went to Charlie's Bar on Arthur Avenue in the Bronx and got absolutely hammered. Arthur Avenue is not a particularly good place to go a...
Read full storyAdam Lambert To Move In With Kate of "Jon and Kate Plus 8"
HOLLYWOOD - Adam Lambert's manager Miffy Tillamuck has issued a media release acknowledging the fact that Jon and Kate Gosselin of the reality show Jon and Kate Plus Eight are getting a divorce. Ms. Tillamuck has stated that due to the fact that...
Read full story