Fans March For Hillsborough Enquiry

Funny story written by matwil

Saturday, 20 June 2009

image for Fans March For Hillsborough Enquiry
'It's all mummy's fault!'

Five families who lost their relatives in the Hillsborough disaster marched into Downing Street with thousands of their supporters, to demand further investigation into the events of April 1989.

But as they had spent the march drinking endless cans of super lager and high strength cider, when the first marchers arrived and stopped at Number Ten the marchers behind them kept on arriving, and trying to get near the Prime Minister's residence.

Meanwhile the Metropolitan Police present had the same attitude as all police forces across England have towards people from Liverpool, in that they dislike them intensely, and felt that they had better things to do than care what they get up to, so they simply ignored the increasing crush that was beginning at the front of the march, and went away to solve some crimes, ignoring the shouting that was now coming from some of the crowd.

At one of Number Ten's windows, Prime Minister Gordon Brown looked on impassively, then muttered to Alastair Darling: 'When the Ibrox disaster and Bradford one happened they were plain and simple cases of faults with the stadiums. This lot are going to create their own disaster, acting like drunken idiots.'

'Everyone knows thousands of drunken Liverpool fans pushed their way into Hillsborough without paying, everyone knows they were and still are every English city's totally unwanted visitors, and everyone knows those morons caused Hillsborough by pushing and pushing to overcrowd a part of a perfectly safe stadium they'd jumped the turnstiles to get into.'

'Scouse gits, coming here to complain about the Government!' And he opened the window and leant out, shouting 'Same old Scousers, always whinging! Same old Scousers, always whinging! Now piss off back to your Liverpool slums, and find some dead rats to eat!', before slamming the window shut again.

Next week a march of Germans will be held in London, to demand a Government investigation into the Second World War disaster, followed by another march, demanding that people who are to blame for disasters should go around whinging about them and trying to blame somebody else for them, like children.

The 'If Teach Had Looked After Us Properly We Wouldn't Have Broken Those Windows, Means We're Not To Blame For Smashing Them' campaign will start in Liverpool in a few days' time, just as soon as the marchers in London are released on bail, after being charged with being drunk and disorderly.

Latest score coming in: Metropolitan Police 96 Liverpool 0.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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