Chaz Bono, Matthew McConaughey Jailed After Fiery Night at Beach

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Saturday, 20 June 2009

image for Chaz Bono, Matthew McConaughey Jailed After Fiery Night at Beach
"And so boobies made of sand melt into the sea, eventually" - The "Jimmy" Experience

LOS ANGELES, CA - Bromantically linked Chaz Bono and his chronically naked bosom buddy Matthew McConaughey were jailed last night after Brentwood police were summoned to the beach to investigate a call concerning "flame throwers and bongo drums."

Officers say they were surprised to find Matthew McConaughey and his "newest" guy pal Chaz Bono "buck-assed naked" in the sand.

"McConaughey had a lighter in one hand, and a can of Don't Axe body spray in the other," said Officer Richard Cranium.

Waving his hand in front of his nose, he added, "We ascertained that the suspect has not read the message they sent with their product, because he's apparently still not using it, and he's apparently not sharing it with someone he knows, either."

Officers say they also smelled alcohol immediately upon approaching the two, who were laughing and "giggling like a couple of little girls, obviously liquored up," surrounded by empty cans of Don't Axe body spray, expended alcoholic beverage containers, bongo drums, clothing, and the remains of several marijuana cigarettes.

The two were jailed and charged with Public Indecency, Disturbing the Peace, and violation of fire ordinances. This is McConaughey's second time to be arrested for similar offenses, but Bono's first. At least as a boy.

"The Public Indecency charge was an easy call," said another officer who assisted with the arrest. "First off, I'm just plain sick of seeing McConaughey's stupid chest anyway, but Ol' Chaz was never exactly easy on the eyes to begin with, if you catch my drift.

"And speaking of catching a drift," he added with a grimace, "believe me when I tell you, if I could have ticketed 'em for perpetrating that pungent body aroma too, I would have."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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