One MP's Blacked-Out Expenses Claim Form

Funny story written by matwil

Saturday, 20 June 2009

image for One MP's Blacked-Out Expenses Claim Form
Let's play Blankety Blank

Form ICU2 Page 200 of 307

Details of second home: a typical second home we all have

Address of second home: [blank] Castle, Shropshire

Regular Travel Patterns: [blank] Carlo to [blank]; Las [blank] to Reno; the [blank] Islands to Montego [blank]

Names of Anyone Delivering Goods To Home: [blank] and Mason's; Har[blank]'s; lots of servants.

Legitime Expenses for Constituency Work: maintenance work on castle's [blank], planting and upkeep of a forest of [blank] trees, research trips to the Costa del [blank], the French [blank]iera, and to Hong [blank]. 8-course dinners at the [blank] Hotel every week, for self and 23 aides, followed by 3 hours' research into the effects of sparkling wine on the stomach at the [blank] Bar and Grill in [blank] Street.

Employment Expenses: private secretary Miss [blank] [blank], private cleaner Miss [blank] [blank], private bedmaker Miss [blank] [blank], private wife Mrs [blank] [blank], private children [blank], [blank] and [blank], private dog [blank], private yacht cleaner Miss [blank] [blank], private chauffeur Mr [blank], private caviar and toast maker [blank] [blank], and private organiser of Parliamentary expense, Misses [blank] [blank] and [blank][blank]-[blank].

Other Expenses, Because, Well, You Can: endless hand made clothes and shoes, endless foreign holidays, endless foreign fact-finding trips with a secretary or two, endless travelling, eating, buying and consuming, all at taxpayers' expense, and endless paying journalists to quote self saying 'I broke no rules when I was caught', when caught.

Sign Here: Do Not Use the Name Blears or Adams; Do Not Pass Go; Do Not Collect 200; Do Go Direct To Spend More Time With Your Family.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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