Tiger Woods - The New Secretary of Sports
GULFPORT, Mississippi - President Obama visiting an old high school friend who now lives in Gulfport today announced that he has named Eldrick Tont Woods, better known as Tiger Woods, to be his new Secretary of Sports. The Department of Sports is...
Read full storyGuantanamo Base bought by world's largest media and entertainment corporation
A spokesman for the world's largest media and entertainment corporation has confirmed that the company has purchased the Naval Base in Guantanamo Bay from the US Government for an undisclosed fee. The news comes shortly after recently inaugurated...
Read full storyHow to Handle a Difficult Customer
Dedicated to all those who have suffered in customer services: A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his bald head and his wooden leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchi...
Read full storyObama - "DNA Links To Jesus, Mohammed And Bin Laden"!
Sensational news coming out of the White House claims that recent DNA tests on the Turin Shroud, and tiny bone fragments taken from the tomb of the prophet Mohammed have a 99.8% match. The ground breaking news concludes that Jesus Christ and Moham...
Read full storyNY NARCS Discover New Crack Brand: it's OBAMA!
NY/NY/ Rolling Stone Medicinal News - Hardened NY City drug cops announced today the latest in name branding to cash in on the nation's latest President: Bags of Crack with a red 'OBAMA' label that has taken street corners by storm. Undercover NAR...
Read full storyWhen Harry dumped Chelsy
London - ('Paki' Sluts Mess): "No hard feelings? You bet! Harry hasn't managed a hard-on since that Nazi uniform caper back in 2007," a teary-faced Chelsy Davy sobbed today. The 23 year old peroxide bombshell was later seen leaving Clarence House...
Read full storyGAO Announces Severe Discrepancies in O'Bama White House Redo Budget!
Washington/DC/ Faux Decorator News - Embarrassed by Fashion Editors around the world who castigated the First Couple's fashion (non) sense at the inaugural, a furious Michelle O'bama demanded and received from TARP Czar Barney Frank, an unlimited bud...
Read full storySuper Bowl Halftime To Feature The First Family
TAMPA, Florida - President Barack Obama is not only showing the entire world that he can definitely handle the job of president, but come Feb. 1, 2009, he will show the world that he is an accomplished guitar player as well. NBC has just announced...
Read full storyInterview with Boris Johnson, Mayor of London on how it feels to run London
Q.So Boris, how is it running London? A. Well R.L, running London is like watching Greyhounds races. Boring Boring Boring. It's only fun if Ken Livingstone comes aswell, becuase then I can throw food at him, keeping my mind of the dogs. What I mean is that running London only gets fun when I am distracted by something which has nothing to do with London because then the boringness of running Lo...
Read full storySteve Guttenberg to direct himself in movie about himself
In a move already being touted as the final nail in the coffin of his career, Steve Guttenberg announced that he is to direct himself in a film, which he has written, about himself. Most dangerously, due to limited finance opportunities, Guttenb...
Read full storyHull City And Millwall Fans Renew Old Acquaintances
There was an air of camaraderie at the KC Stadium today, as supporters of Hull City and Millwall, so long apart due to the latter's lowly status, renewed their old acquaintances, like only old friends can. The two sets of 'football fans' have a lo...
Read full story2009 American Idol Contestants Compete To Be First To Have Nude Photos Posted
Who will be this years Antonella Barba? Will it be Miami's Conchita Maria Sosa? Will it be Boise's Alexis Jacobsen? How about Anne South of Kansas City? Will tradition be broken and the first be Detroit's Bart Travis? Who will be the first of th...
Read full storyNewest American Idol Season Already Has Controversy
Joanna Pacitti is already causing controversy on American Idol. The singer, who passed through to the Hollywood round from the Louisville auditions, already has had a recording contract, performed as Annie on Broadway, knows one of the judges, and w...
Read full storyObama Raids Talk Radio -- Limbaugh Still (At) Large
WASHINGTON D.C. Using a series of Executive orders, President Barack Obama has renamed the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) and fundamentally changed its mission. The new organization will be known as the Radio Enforcement Agency and will be headed by f...
Read full storyThai Fishermen Survive By Floating In Icebox
Two Myanmar (Burma) fishermen have survived for almost a month in shark-infested waters by floating in a large ice box after their boat sank, rescue officials said. The men, both aged in their 20s, were on a 12-meter Thai fishing boat with 18 othe...
Read full storyThief Changes Himself Into Goat
One of Nigeria's biggest daily newspapers reported that police implicated a goat in an attempted automobile theft. In a front-page article on Friday, the Vanguard newspaper said that two men tried to steal a Mazda car two days earlier in Kwara State,...
Read full storyFDA officials hiding under their desks
WASHINGTON DC - Dr. Strangedeath, FDA spokesman, was found hiding under his desk this morning, hiding from the new administration. When finally coaxed out to use the restroom, he answered a few of my questions. When asked why he was under his des...
Read full storyObama to run for 2012
Although Barack Obama may have barely started his Presidential duties, his spokesman has confirmed that the new US President will indeed be a candidate in the 2012 US Presidential Elections. Yesterday, Mr. Obama's spokesman had the following to sa...
Read full storyAll-New Horoscopes From Psycho Bob: New For January 25-31, 2009
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC) This week you'll be sorry for laughing at those people who tried to warn you not to go to work for that chemical company, no matter how well they paid. Oh you can still laugh, but it'll be out of the other side of your face. Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN) Even though the doctor's report on your feces specimen will turn your hair white, you can take comfort in the fa...
Read full storyBBC denies African appeal airspace
The BBC today refused to broadcast an appeal for people starving to death in Africa, saying 'it would not be impartial to show such a thing. The situation in Africa is a highly complex and political one, and we have a duty to our viewers to be as spi...
Read full storyMitchell A Match for Mad Mullahs
Walford hard-man Grunt Mitchell is leaving the East End to take on the Taliban, I can exclusively reveal. Grunt, who is bald, was reported to be leaving for Afghanistan's Helmand Province in order to give the insurgents in the area a proper kickin...
Read full storyCongressional Housekeeping Staff Has High Praise for Obama
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Upon meeting Congressional leaders to discuss an economic stimulus plan with them, US President Barack Obama addressed news on the country's economy. "I've asked Larry Summers... my top economic advisor, to give me daily briefings...
Read full storyOpen letter to the Editor
Sir, As a licence fee-payer I have to say that I am disgusted that Jonathan Ross is once more being allowed to spew his vile filth over the airwaves by the BBC. We were told that he was sorry and that he'd changed his ways. But can a leopard really change his spots? I think not. Thanks to my profession as a sound engineer I have access to state-of-the-art sound manipulation software, and...
Read full storyMisspelling Methanol Myths
LONDON, England - Defrocked Corporate Priest, Neurela U. Semen, clears up what's healthy and what's not. "There's so many confusing headlines out there whenever you search the news on aspartame; some say you should be avoiding or afraid of it; it really has mixed up people rather than helped them eat a healthy diet," she said. Myth: Good foods are healthier than bad foods. According to my br...
Read full storyPolitically Correct Insults
Ever want to call someone stupid, but want to do it in a way that is politically correct? Here are some great suggestions... * A few clowns short of a circus * A few fries short of a Happy Meal * An experiment in artificial stupidity * A few beers short of a six pack * Dumber than a box of hair * A few peas short of a casserole * Doesn't...
Read full storyAmerican man wins a 410 million to one bet
Today betting company Mafiola paid out the sum of $410 million to an American gambler, who had bet one dollar on an almost impossibly unlikely accumulator bet. At Christmas he had bet that in one week in January the following would all happen - Os...
Read full storyCoin Collector Controls AIG
In a move that has sent ripples throughout the financial community, insurance giant AIG has been purchased by a retired coin collector from Pittsburg. Using a large collection of mint condition Gold Rush era minted coins, Bob Durham bought a controll...
Read full storyGreenland Ice Packs Slide Off The Edge Of The World!
In recent years, the talk of the ice caps melting has been a source of great debate. Many have held that the Greenland ice sheets alone could raise sea level by more then three meters. Those fears were proven to be unfounded today, as the Greenland i...
Read full storyMichelle Obamas Clothes A National Concern
Despite worsening conditions in Israel, ongoing insurgency in Iraq, and a difficult war in Afghanistan, the American people are keeping their priorities in order. Not even the worst economic times in nearly 50 years seems to be more important than ho...
Read full storyObama to close Guantanamo; detainees to be transfered to "Sandals" vacation resort in the meanwhile
Cancun, Mexico - Given the overwhelming evidence that torture is an ineffective interrogation method (aside from being a War Crime), President Obama signed an executive order prohibiting the practice by U.S. intelligence officers. Instead, he has ord...
Read full storyFashion Police Crack Down on First Couple:"Abominable!"
NY/NY Women's Wear Daily - The verdict is in and it ain't good for the Presidential First Couple and their Inaugural Attire! Fashion commentator Gretchen Von Snootkinstein, the final word on international fashion, put a firm "thumbs down" in her...
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