American man wins a 410 million to one bet

Funny story written by matwil

Saturday, 24 January 2009

image for American man wins a 410 million to one bet
Alfred Hitchcock

Today betting company Mafiola paid out the sum of $410 million to an American gambler, who had bet one dollar on an almost impossibly unlikely accumulator bet.

At Christmas he had bet that in one week in January the following would all happen - Osama Bin Laden would release a threatening video, calling for world-wide jihad, President George W Bush would say farewell to the White House, a United Nations building would be destroyed by Israel, and, of course, that an American airliner would crash in New York City without any casualties. Not surprisingly he was given such generous odds, but Mafiola must now regret taking the bet.

Managing director Don Calzone said: 'There had to be a hell of a lot of unbelievable coincidences to happen, but of course they did happen! Bin Laden makes a video, then a plane crashes in New York - wow! Lucky it was birds that downed the jet, otherwise people would think it was another 9/11. Or that it was a farewell message to Bush from Bin Laden, and that the Israelis deliberately attacked the UN in reply, as they hate and ignore the UN as much as America does.'

But the gambler himself said: 'Heck, I just thought 'what would fanatics do to show that Bush, in his last week as President, totally failed in his so-called 'war on terror', so I picked a New York plane crash and Osama making a video. And I reckoned that Israel, who have attacked schools and hospitals even when they've been told where they are, would really go for the big one soon, and show the world that they will kill anyone in the world that opposes what they're doing in the Gaza, by shelling the UN building there. So my bet wasn't just luck! But of course it was really geese after all, not sabotage, which is handy for Bush and the USA.'

But one goose honked: 'OK, it can happen to jets - but just as the video comes out, and Bush is leaving? And in New York City? Without a single casualty? 410 million against that all being true should maybe be 820 million to one! It wasn't us!'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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