Stars Twitter Twigs, Berries and Boobies at Post-Oscar Orgies
Not even the paparazzi have been able to get into the post Oscar orgies that have set the dirt minds of America's star struck a twitter. Wouldn't you know that the very Twitter and the astral actors have brought the pornographic parties to you? A...
Read full storyNanci Pelosi Claims Marks of Stigmata After Visit with Pope!
San Francisco, CA/ Vatican City /Breaking News - House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, fresh from a visit with the Pope in Rome during an 8 day taxpayer funded junket, remains in seclusion in her SF mansion, suffering, she said, from several ethereal stigmata.
Read full storySenator Bunning Suffering from "Bad Mouth"
Senator Jim Bunning had a mean fastball as an All Star Major League pitcher but last week he showed a mean streak. Archconservative Bunning thought it was a good idea to announce in a speech that Supreme Court liberal Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has...
Read full story"Scumdog Millionaire" Rep. Charles Rangle Retains House Seat Despite More Financial Disclosures!
NY,NY , Taxpayers Hot Line - Representative Charles Wrangle's (sic) 30 year run in the House of Representatives continues to play well at the Box Office, as once again his peers voted to keep him in his position of House Ways and Means Chairman desp...
Read full storySpray-on Tan Now Available For Pets
(Beigetown, Texas) Planning to take little Rover to Florida, but worried that the UV might damage her coat? Fret not, because the good folks from Mist-ova ™ Tan have just come up with a solution. Within the next few months the company will be s...
Read full storyThe KKK To Sue The NBA
TUSCALOOSA, Alabama - The Grand Imperial Order of The Knights of The Off-White Bougainvillea (aka The KKK) have hired the famed Mississippi delta law firm of Trumble, Smokefield, Doe, Nitmaker, and Groutwater to sue the National Basketball Associatio...
Read full storyGranny Spammer Arrested in Florida
(Orange County, Florida) Orlando police reported that they have arrested Mrs Bertha Fielding under the US Anti-Spam law in the early hours of the morning. Mrs Fielding's computer was confiscated along with her collection of gnomes. According to polic...
Read full storySupermarket's 'Basics' Products To Cost Nothing
A leading supermarket has announced a clever new weapon in the ongoing pricing war with other rivals. By increasing the cost of their top-of-the-range 'Pay The Difference' branded goods, they are going to cut the price of their low-end 'Basics' prod...
Read full storyCentrefold model gets radical surgery to keep job
Following recent financial losses, a men's magazine is introducing a new slimmer version of their publication, which goes on sale from next month. It means that fewer models will be needed, and there is stiff competition for the available places. A...
Read full storySuccess in Women's Bobsleigh could be down to recent snow in Britain
Nicola Minichiello and Gillian Cooke are celebrating becoming the first British women to win gold at the Bobsleigh World Championships. The British pair beat America's Shauna Rohbock and Elana Meyers by 0.38 seconds after the four runs at Lake Pl...
Read full storyPrime Minister announces National holiday for 'Be Kind To A Banker Day'
Next week the Government is to announce a new National Holiday in Britain called 'BE KIND TO A BANKER DAY'. The aim of the holiday is to dispel the animosity between the the public and the financial sector. When asked about this radical proposal...
Read full storyHitler: "Don't Bomb Blackpool!"
It has finally been revealed that Hitler really was completely bonkers. Secret papers have uncovered that the nutty Nazi wanted to bomb all of Britain except Blackpool. He regarded the resort as the perfect place to establish the new Reich, and also...
Read full storyCowell: "I want to be Frozen"
Music mogul and all round pain in the bum Simon Cowell caused a stampede today when he announced that he wished to be frozen and brought back to life at a later date. Many members of the public lay siege to the television studios where the X(treme...
Read full storyClint Eastwood To Star In The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, And The Slow
SAN FRANCISCO - Actor, producer, director, and Hollywood icon, Clint Eastwood will begin filming his next movie, a western in mid March. The film, a sequel to his 1966 hit is entitled, The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, And The Slow. Eastwood who is...
Read full storyDonny Osmond Denies He's The Octuplet's Daddy
SALT LAKE CITY - Donny Osmond has told CNN's Anderson Cooper that he has no idea where in the world the rumor came from but he emphatically denies that he is the father of "OctuMom's" eight babies. Osmond, singer, musician, ex-teen idol told Coope...
Read full storySC Golf Resorts OK Barter System to Combat Stricken Economy, Encourage Tourists!
Myrtle Beach, SC/ Golfing News - The Myrtle Beach, SC area, long a mecca to golfers with over 130 courses available to play ,have turned to a unique idea to combat a 20% drop off in revenue due to a horrible economy. A spokesman for the industry...
Read full storyWar rebranded: Fantastic!
Right wing American lobbyists today began a massive PR drive to re-brand war as good. Citing the ongoing conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq as examples the Right Wing nut jobs point out that war, far from being good for absolutely nothing, is actua...
Read full storySlumdog Sideshow: Rohan Antao, Freida Pinto's Ex, Blames Bollywood For Break-up
Rohan Antao, former fiance of Slumdog star, Freida Pinto, blames the movies success and Pinto's costar Dev Patel for breaking them up. A report in News Of The World, Antao is quoted as saying , "The film bosses at Bollywood didn't want her to be e...
Read full storyAcne cream blamed for removal of G-Spot
Acne-ridden teenager Felicia Rudename has said she will be taking Searakill, the famed skin problem company to court over a claim that she lost her G-Spot following an intensive course of anti-acne treatment. She first used the product after one o...
Read full storyOrlando Bloom Weevil Shock
Unless you have experienced it yourself, the shock of finding your seed infested with weevils is unimaginable. So just think what it must be like to find that as a result of weevil infestation you are going to have to cancel one of the south-east's...
Read full storyTatiana Del Toro to open for David Archuleta on tour
Hollywood, Calif. - Reports are leaking out that American Idol contestant Tatiana Del Toro will be the opening for Idol second place runner up David Archuleta for his upcoming tour. Tatiana has been one of the most talked about contestants this year...
Read full storyWii: The next generation
Many people have been asking what Nintendo can do to improve on the Wii console that has taken the world by storm. Since the Wii's release in 2007, more than five hundred million consoles have been sold, making it more popular than cabbage. The Wi...
Read full storyTuneless Welshman taught to sing
After appearing on Britain's Got Talent, Griff Davies of Bangor was revealed as being the only Welshman who cannot sing. He was immediately offered singing lessons on the NHS. "It was a tragedy," said Rob Brydon, who was judging the Welsh heats of...
Read full storyJacqui Smith to star in Slumdog Millionaire 2
Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has accepted a leading role in Danny Boyle's planned sequel to Oscar winning Indian movie Slumdog Millionaire. The film will follow a politician's meteoric rise to wealth through claiming housing expenses she isn't entitle...
Read full storyA-Rod Caught Signing Autographs with a Hypodermic Needle
NY Yankee scumdawg billionaire was attemptng to resurrect his squeaky clean image by appearing at a Boyz N Girlie Club in the hood with fellow fallen all American boy star Chris Brown. Things went south bronx fast as A-Roid reached into his pocket...
Read full storyLeBron James Traded To The Los Angeles Lakers
CLEVELAND - NBA superstar LeBron James has been traded by the Cleveland Cavaliers to the Los Angeles Lakers. In a surprise move that left the NBA world stunned beyond belief King James will be going west to join the Los Angeles Lakers who currentl...
Read full storyBankrupt Film Industry Asks Slumdawg Millionaire for a Bailout
This year's Oscar's may have been Hollywood's last hurrah as the film industry grinds to a painful halt in the Bush depression. Since no one has hated Hollywood more than then conservative Republicans who pulled Bush's strings, many believe that the...
Read full storyHerald-Sun Newspaper's Shocking Admission: Journalist Andrew Bolt buys 1 million hits a month!
Melbourne (AAP) A major Australian newspapers published a shocking disclosure about one of its most popular journalists, Andrew Bolt. It appears that he buys over "one million hits a month". The substance used was not revealed. 'Andrew Bolt' is...
Read full storyTed Kennedy's Tumor May Receive the Nobel Prize
Since coming down with a fatal brain tumor, Ted Kennedy's growth has received more prizes than can be found in the Kracker Jax factory. Harvard gave it a yard, Yale a lock and key and The Kennedy center offered to name itself after it. Kennedy showed...
Read full storyIsle of Wight Beauty Contest Winner Named
Newchurch - Local beauties paraded this week in the annual Garlic Festival beauty pageant. The pageant has been a source of controversy at it is now being held only every other year causing some to complain that it should not be advertised as an...
Read full storyGeek Squad Nerd Crashes World Economy
Financial experts across the globe were shocked today when it was discovered that the world financial system was crashed by a Ex-Geek Squad nerd. Norbert Nobals confessed to hacking into the US Stock Exchange. He reportedly made it appear that the...
Read full storyDrug-Sniffing Dog Hits Jackpot First Time Out!
The U.S. Customs and Border Protection agency in San Diego says a "rookie" drug-sniffing patrol dog on its first night on duty Tuesday helped its handler find a nearly 500-pound load of marijuana, estimated at almost $400,000 street value. The age...
Read full storyStudy Linking Fast Food Restaurants to Strokes, Questioned
Nueces County, Texas: An NIH funded study conducted by the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor correlated the number of stroke victims with their proximity to fast food restaurants. A spokeswoman for the National Restaurant Association said "this...
Read full storyThe Killer Smile
Western State Mental Hospital in Kentucky and Bellevue Hospital in New York City agree, the human smile, a facial expression traditionally used to convey joy, pleasure, or amusement in the past, is now mainly used to suppress rage, according to a ten...
Read full storyObama Sends Blago on World Junket to Market US Treasuries: 23% Return Guaranteed!
Washington,DC/ Investors Business Daily - President Barry Obama, fresh from pledging the nation's financial future in the $3 trillion dollar trashing of America, has now pledged to balance the nation's budget WITHIN the next 4 years! Taking a pag...
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