Plot Revealed of The Lost Symbol, Sequel to The Da Vinci Code
Dan Brown's newest novel, The Lost Symbol, will not be released to the public until September. It is expected to have "Harry Potter like numbers" for the initial release and publishers have ordered more than ten million copies to be printed for this...
Read full storyBank of America CEO out on his ass
Charlotte, North Carolina - (Merrill Lynch Mob Mess): Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis faces the boot on Wednesday as disgusted shareholders congregate to pay him back for the disastrous Merrill Lynch firesale which resulted in their shares plunging fro...
Read full storyRadical new oinkment therapy : pigs might fly says UK Chief Medical Officer
London - (Crackling Ass Mess): The UK Surgeon General remains in cynical mood tonight despite reports that The Body Chop's patented Hogwash! skin lotion made from genetically modified pork ejaculate will ward off 99% of swine fever symptoms. Sir L...
Read full storyGlad Facebook Reconnected us, Stranger
Wow, Marty…it is Marty, right? I see you have added me as a friend on Facebook. I guess this site really does reunite people! Even distant, barely-casual acquaintances who couldn't pick each other out of a line-up if their life depended on it… I was just wondering, out of curiosity, could you refresh my memory and tell me exactly where we met or how we know each other? Were you in Mrs. Charlto...
Read full storyIf I Wasn't so Turned Off by the Thought of Kissing you We Would Totally be Compatible
I have to say, it's not very often that I meet someone I click with so well. You and I have so much in common, that were it not for the fact I am repulsed by the thought of kissing you, we would make a great couple. Don't get me wrong, I am sure many women would consider you to be a real catch. The fact you have all your hair and aren't horribly disfigured or anything is a real selling point fo...
Read full storyLet's Take This Relationship to the Next Level
Jan, these past few months have been incredible. You are an amazing woman, and I feel like the luckiest man in the world to have someone like you in my life. I know that in the beginning I said we should move slowly, but I am ready to throw all caution to the wind and take the next logical step... I want to Skype with you. It's a big commitment, after all we only started private messaging a f...
Read full storyWhy is it so hard to find a good-looking virgin these days?
I like to think I'm a pretty easy-going guy. I know that I'm not perfect, and I don't expect any future girlfriend of mine to be, either. As long as she is super attractive and still a virgin, nothing else really matters. I don't understand why it's been so hard to find a chick like that. I mean, it's not like I am saying she needs to have an IQ of 150, or know the stats of every player on the...
Read full storySwine flu is God's curse on the infidel Ahmadinejad tells UN
UN HQ, New Pork - (Sick-As-A-Pig Ass Mess): President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has told the UN Security Council that Iranians are immune from swine flu which is the Almighty's punishment on apostate infidels "like certain lying bastards in Tel Aviv". B...
Read full storyJohn Terry abused by fans
Chelsea and England captain John Terry yesterday relived the moment that he was abused by a West Ham fan during a weekend match. "I was about to take a throw-in when, out the corner of my eye, I saw a kid put his thumbs in his ears and waggle his...
Read full storyPrince William despondent over rapidly balding pate - Royals suggest hair transplant
BUCKINGHAM PALACE, LONDON: The man who will be King is upset with his thinning hair. Wills is said to have told close friends that he is shocked and utterly despondent at the rapidity of his hair loss. The heir to the throne is also not amused tha...
Read full storyWhy Swine Flu Hit America, Mexico First?
The Swine Flu epidemic has reached Mexico and the United States. This new mutated strand of influenza starts as a normal flu, then turns fat people the rest of the way into pigs, after eating like pigs for a generation. Experts say it is not by a...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie and Madonna Fighting Over Adopting Hollie Steel
PARIS - The Paris Souffle-Sun is reporting what could turn out to be the biggest adoption fight in the history of adoptions. World famous actress Angelina Jolie and world famous singer Madonna have both expressed a desire to add Hollie Steel, the...
Read full storyJ-Lo, Bea Arthur Fued Ends As Arthur Drops Dead
According to an Indian newspaper, two of Hollywood's most well known faces, Jennifer Lopez and Beatrice Arthur have come to loggerheads over their upcoming films, both focusing on single women wanting to be mothers. However, over the recent weeken...
Read full storySchwinn Flu Outbreak In US!
President Barack Obama tinkled his bell and blew his horn Monday, stating that the threat of spreading Schwinn Flu infections was a concern but "not a cause for alarm," while customs agents began checking people coming into the United States by land...
Read full storyMiss Piggy Dies of Swine Flu
Miss Piggy, actress and star of television, stage, and screen, has become the first celebrity victim of the Swine Flu Epidemic. The 39 year old actress passed away at Hollywood Hills Hospital surrounded by family, friends, and a representative from...
Read full storyChelsea Call In The Receivers Sensation!
London, West - In an astonishing turn of events here this afternoon, Chelsea Football Club have called in the receivers in a move which will reach far beyond the worlds of sport and football. City analysts report that losses sustained by owner Rom...
Read full storySusan Boyle Going Blond?
Maybe it's true that blonds may have more fun - but apparently, brunettes and redheads know how to pull a joke or two on the media, as well. Susan Boyle caused quite a stir over the weekend, when the Scottish beauty was photographed in London with...
Read full storyWine Flu Hits Italy
ROME - Italian authorities have just reported a national outbreak of Wine Flu. They say that it is the first such outbreak since the dreaded Perry Como Wine Flu Epidemic of 1989. Noted Italian Wine Flu Expert Giardino Tortellini stated that the ea...
Read full storyThe Taliban offering Susan Boyle as payment
France - Susan Boyle, escaped mental hospital lunatic recently joined the Taliban and is now being offered as payment to their fighters. In Afghanistan she went through hymen repair surgery to make her more acceptable during payment. Hymen repair...
Read full story'Do Nothing' Dave Has ZERO Strategy Shocker
Westminster - Senior Conservatives are more than a tad concerned regarding the recent performances of party leader 'Do Nothing' David Cameron. Criticism has been levelled at Cameron following his seeming inability to make his mind up about anything.
Read full storyGeeky 'Apprentice' Star 'A Swinger And Proud Of It!
A geeky star of hit TV show 'Trainee Apprentice', today announced that she was a swinger, and that she was constantly on the look out for couples prepared to join in perverted swinging sessions with her and her partner. "It all started in the red...
Read full storyNew Hassle Free, Worry Free Book, Music, and Video Club Announced
Are you frustrated with bookclubs that send you their featured selection of the month, even though you already sent back the little card? Are you upset that you received a new CD on the Greatest Hits of Mating Sounds of the Humpbacked Whale the day after the you actually ordered a John Denver album? Are you sick and tired of video clubs that require you to notify them by certified, registered ma...
Read full storyRed Sox sweep Yankees
Thespoof.com: Jacoby Ellsbury the running bandit stole home and the Boston Red Sox ran off with a three-game sweep of the New York Yankees. Boston's speedster surprised left-hander Andy Pettitte with his dash in a three-run fifth inning that gave...
Read full story2009 - Zombies Rising...And Rising....
They stink, they're rotting away, they look disgusting, they drool viscose black gunk and nobody in their right mind would ever want to sleep with one. They just aren't sexy. And yet... Zombies have become the darlings of the literary, film, and p...
Read full storyReclusive Pirate, Captain Morse, Spotted Skulking Around
The New World, brunchtime. - Reclusive American pirate, and erstwhile Captain of HMS Buggerall, Morse has been spotted by SI6 (Spoof Intelligence 6) agents skulking around the fringes of satirical website theSpoof.com. Since the rip roaring succes...
Read full story'A' Lister's Brother Killed In Suspicious Circumstances
The brother of an 'A' List celebrity, who we cannot name for legal reasons, was killed last night in east London in what police describe as 'suspicious circumstances'. The man, aged 58 emerged from a pub on Whitechapel Road and appeared to stumble...
Read full storyAurora Borealis To Be Switched Off At Night
Doris Johnson, Mayor of Olde London Towne, today announced the latest measure in a raft of measures designed to combat the energy crisis and slow down global warming. "We'll turn off the Aurora Borealis at night for a bully off," she told a packed...
Read full storyHollie Steel Admits Julie Andrews Is Her Biological Grandmother
LONDON - It seems as though "Britains Got Talent" keeps putting out amazing performers like Victoria's Secret puts out bras. The latest BGT find is little 10-year-old Hollie Steel, who hails from Accrington, Lancashire in England. Hollie who on...
Read full storyWater found to cause Alzheimers Disease
The WHO (not to be mixed up with that 70s band) have announced, that after an extensive 10 year study surveying 1,000 people worldwide (0.00000006 of the total population of earth), H20 has a direct link to Alzheimer Disease. "Out of the 1,000 peo...
Read full storyLondon's Wealthiest Going Underground
Planning restrictions and protection orders in some of London's most exclusive neighbourhoods have meant that building expansion is quite often out of the question. So developers have hit on a new solution - develop below ground. And the rich are...
Read full storyBob The Builder Jumps On Pirate Bandwagon
It all started off on TheSpoof.com, a a UK based satirical website. A diverse group of contributors banded together to produce the now legendary 'Below Decks' Pirate story collaboration. Before long, everybody who was anybody in the glam world of...
Read full storyFabled New York DA slams Astor heir, lawyer, shrink, pool man etc
New York - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Legendary New York District Attorney Bob Morgenthau was in feisty mood this morning outlining details of charges facing New York socialite and philanthropissed (sic) Brooke Astor's son and his various accomplic...
Read full storyFlu Pandemic: The Facts - A Must Read For All
New York, The World - What are the facts of a flu pandemic? That is the question so many of our viewers write in and ask us, every time a new one hits the shelves. What exactly is a flu pandemic? A flu pandemic is a panda bear with a nasty cold or a bout of influenza. It is so called "Pandemic" because it is widespread like an epidemic and it only hits Pandas. Who can get this Pandemic...
Read full storyCameron: "monkeys are lazy and stupid"
David Cameron today launched an extraordinary broadside against primates. Speaking at the Harlow Young Conservatives Group Annual Conference he deviated from his script to answer a question from Quentin Thornberry, aged 15. Master Thornberry said...
Read full storyUSA: We will put a man on the moon before the end of the decade
Houston, Texas - NASA has announced it will put a man on the moon by the end of this decade. The rocket ship, aptly named A Pillow 13, will be launched on July 14 2009 and will attempt to arrive on 20 July 2009, the forty year anniversary of the '...
Read full storySusan Boyle The Source Of Swine Flu, Possibly
Health officials worldwide who are currently investigating a series of outbreaks of the potentially-fatal Swine Flu virus, say they have reason to believe there may be some tenuous connection with Britain's Got Talent singing sensation, Susan Boyle.
Read full storyHugh Hefner Just Wants a Nap
Belair, CA-- Hugh Hefner, the founder of Playboy magazine and the Playboy lifestyle says he's "exausted," and that he "needs to take a nap." Hefner, who is 84 years young, is a pop culture icon, a dirty old man and a hero to men and boys of all ag...
Read full storyBush Autobiography Rejected By Publisher
The finished draft of former Presidents Bush's autobiography was rejected by the publishing house that offered him several million dollars for it. The manuscript was sent back to him for reworking. A spokesman from the publisher commented: "The...
Read full storyZionist Fruit Infiltrates Tehran
Chinese Zionist Fruit subversion assaults Tehran citizens undermining homophobic Iranian family values. Citizens all over Tehran were made temporarily gay after eating Jaffa Sweetie's labelled as product of Israel. A local fruit gobbler noticed...
Read full storyMiley: Nick Jones & I Are Just Friends
Yes, Miley Cyrus has been seen hanging out lately with her ex-boyfriend, Nick Jonas - but that doesn't mean they are dating again. "It makes me so sad to think that people out there aren't friends with THEIR ex-boyfriends, because let me tell u it...
Read full storyPresident Obama Goes "Willy Wonka"
In an effort to spur consumer spending, President Obama has decided to use a gimmick he learned from his favorite childhood movie, "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." His idea is to put five "golden dollars" into circulation, each having a p...
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