Flu Pandemic: The Facts - A Must Read For All

Written by Bluebella

Monday, 27 April 2009

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A weary panda taking a rest in the jungle after contracting Pandemic

New York, The World - What are the facts of a flu pandemic? That is the question so many of our viewers write in and ask us, every time a new one hits the shelves.

What exactly is a flu pandemic?

A flu pandemic is a panda bear with a nasty cold or a bout of influenza. It is so called "Pandemic" because it is widespread like an epidemic and it only hits Pandas.

Who can get this Pandemic flu?

I had a lot of difficulty answering this question, as I was flabbergasted by the stupidity of some of our dedicated viewers. Only Pandas can get the Pandemic hence why it is called a Pandemic!

How is it spread?

It's spread by spreadable butter eg Kerrygold Spreading Butter; I can't believe It's Not Butter and Waitrose Spreadable Butter for Teens.In some cases margarine is used.

What is the incubation period?

Pandas have the same incubation period as grizzly bears. It is 7 months from conception to birth. Twins may take longer.

What is flu?

Flu is short for Fluent Airborne Virus - it is a virus that is fluent in several languages and is airborne. Its symptoms include sneezing, headaches, coughing up blood, tourettes syndrome and possible demon possession.

Is it fatal?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

What can I do to keep myself safe from a flu pandemic?

Are you a fucking Panda?
Then why are you worried??

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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