Metallica To Play Gig In Queen's Bedroom
Metallica, the US heavy metal band, are to play a one-off concert at Buckingham Palace this Saturday the 27th of September, says a Press release on the group's website. The Los Angeles-based outfit have organised the gig to commemorate the 22nd an...
Read full storyAmericans working for the peso
In the wake of the economic meltdown Americans are flocking in droves to Mexico. Mexican drug cartels, farmers, and unions are fed up with Americans taking jobs such as drug trafficking, grape picking, and dishwashing. Mr. Harley B. Davidson s...
Read full storyGhost Fails To Haunt Primark
A sad ectoplasmic Victorian serving maid today started haunting a large shopping centre in the Midlands after failing to get any reaction in Primark. The large, busy and very impersonal store was built on the grounds of an ancient Indian burial s...
Read full storyGlobal Credit Crunch originated in Carlisle Chippie!
Following lengthy investigations, the cause of the Worldwide Credit Crunch has been traced to a chip shop in Carlisle. Its been discovered that the shop's owner, Mongoe Gongoe, has been selling his chips for only 3p per bag with free ketchup! M...
Read full storyMile High Club stowaways found in Fusionman Yves Rossy's Jet Wing
English Channel - (Mile High Club Mess): A pair of copulating stowaways were found hidden in Fusionman Yves Rossy's Jet Wing today moments after he flew over the English Channel powered by a home made rocket-driven appendage strapped to his back.
Read full storyCash Cow WaMu runs out of MOOLAH!
Seattle, Washington - Fearing that Washington Mutual corporate executives wishing to avoid an FBI investigation by escaping their mortal coils, Seattle police had to surround the Space Needle in Seattle, Washington with nets as precautionary measure...
Read full storyMcCratney Stalker Hopping Mad
During the recent Paul McCratney concert in the battle zone of Israel a disturbed Beatles fan cut off one of her legs in an attempt to appeal to her hero during the Frog Chorus. Amongst dancing from the 50,000 crowd, Michelle MyBell was forced to pog...
Read full storyAfter hitting on Sarah Palin Pakistan's Zardari now makes India's Prime Minister blush!
After sucking up to Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin and threatening to hug her, Pakistan's President Asif Ali Zardari has now put the moves on India's PM, Dr. Manmohan Singh. As an embarrassed Dr. Singh tried to pull away from a d...
Read full storyRadical cleric's son is fire-eating, fart-lighting exotic pole dancer
London - (Cheeky Ass Mess): Radical fundamentalist cleric nutter Omar Bakri Mohammed's son has been exposed as a stripper-cum-exotic pole dancer according to an editorial in this week's LA FagHagSlagMag London issue. Nineteen year-old Bakri Omar...
Read full storyJoe 'Sick Note' Kinnear Is New Newcastle United Manager
After the disappointment of the non-appointment of Terry Venables yesterday, all speculation ended today when Newcastle United unveiled their new manager to the long-suffering Magpies' fans - Joe 'Sick Note' Kinnear. Within minutes, St James' Park...
Read full storyBA new "Jet Man" single passenger X-treme frugal economy class flight now fully operational
Paris, France - Looking to save on the rising cost of energy, BA just successfully tested their new "Jet Man" single passenger extremely frugal economy class flight today. Pushed out of an airplane mid-flight over the English Channel at an altitu...
Read full storyVirgin Mary Appears In Washington, Craps On White House Lawn!
Washington DC - The Blessed Virgin Mary appeared suddenly today at high noon outside the White House. The Queen of Heaven appeared as a descending golden ball of light, surrounded by white doves and singing angels. Crowds of people gathered around!...
Read full storyRising Food Prices To Make Obesity Fashionable
There is always a silver lining to every cloud. The dark gathering clouds of spiraling food prices and runaway inflation too have a silver lining for all the millions who are suffering from obesity. If experts are to be believed, inflation in the pri...
Read full storySmall Investors should remain calm and not panic, brokers advise
Mumbai - Broker Ashwini Gujral advised small investors to keep their calm, even as Sensex plunged by another 400 points today. "Small investors need not panic every time there is a sharp fall in the markets. Leave the panic to professionals like u...
Read full storyBush & Putin Wed!
George Bush today risked the wrath of Christian America today when Vladimir Putin and himself finally tied the knot in a lavish ceremony in the Alamo today. Putin, who previously claimed he had always had a passion for bush, was forced to clarify...
Read full storySenator Barney Frank Crushed by God's Foot
Witnessed by numerous congressional leaders and Capitol Hill sightseers alike, Senator Barney Frank was crushed between the toes of a 20 meter long, 6 meter wide, naked foot. Descending from the clouds above the steps of the Senate, the foot rep...
Read full storyBush declares 'War on Capitalism'
US President George Bush, mastermind of the world-wide war on terror, in his last few months in office, has opened a new front in his relentless drive against enemies of mankind. Last night, in a prime-time televised speech seeking public support for...
Read full storyAnal Identification? The End Justifies the Means.
Doctor Bradley Annis, chief researcher at MIT's Department of Analendolgy, stated today, that a working prototype of a new positive identification device is in operation. The device, the Annisometure, named after it's primary inventor, Doctor Anni...
Read full story66/1 horse named after the Pope to win Ascot's QEII Stakes
Ascot, Berks - (Thoroughbred Mess): A 66/1 chance five year old bay colt by Spectrum (IRA) out of the French (night) mare Dibenoise (by Kendor) who is named after Pope Joe Ratzinger is a betting odds steamer for Saturday's $400,000 Group One Queen El...
Read full storyStudent Arrested For Indecent Exposure After Starting Riot With Racist Joke
Rochelle, GA - This last Wednesday, a student at a local interracial high school decided to tell a joke, not just any joke, this joke's punchline was literary a punch towards the African American community. "I never meant to cause such a problem,...
Read full storyGeorge W Bush & Paris Hilton porno collages 'pop-up' opens in former Manhattan pussy-parlor
The Bowery, Manhattan - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): A former cattery-cum-pet grooming store is hosting the Manhattan exhibition debut of UK artist Jonathan Yeo's George W Bush and Paris Hilton collages made entirely from porno magazine cuttings. Th...
Read full storyChinese Launch Bird's Nest Stadium into Space
China stunned the world once again today by launching its Beijing Olympic Bird's Nest stadium into space. The Chinese Space Agency had billed their latest mission as a space walk for the three Chinese taikonauts onboard their Shenzhou-7 space craft.
Read full storyWomen Oil Football Water
Our forefathers created a simple game, with very few laws, but at least one of them had the good sense to include Law 11 - Offside. For over 100 years Men could pretend to understand this law with impunity. No Woman would ever dare to contradict our version of events, no matter how ludicrous the explanation, or how many condiments we employed, they accepted what we said as gospel. But in...
Read full storyDidn't See That Coming
Something very strange happened in Stamford Bridge home dressing room 10 years ago. Richard Keys : "Where do you see yourselves in 10 years time?". Ken Bates : "I'll have sold up by then to a Russian, who will invest a £1 Billion in the Team and we will be one of the bestin the world, but I'll be with Leeds in Division 3" RK : "Okay, if you're not going to take this interview seriously".
Read full storyRuth Kelly to be knighted in New Year Honours
In recognition of her fabulous work serving the Labour Government, Gordon Brown has announced that Ruth Kelly will receive a knighthood, the first on his 2008 "Gordylist" for a New Year's Honour. Sir Ruth gains this second knighthood (to sit along...
Read full storyPedestrian nearly killed during high speed drive by Police
A pedestrian was nearly hit on a crossing by a Police car as officers drove at high speed. Mrs Winnie Wonte was slowly crossing the road just before 2030 BST on Thursday night. Detectives said no-one was injured as the Police car came hurtling rou...
Read full storyRussia and Canada Form Alliance to Swallow Alaska Just to Shut Palin Up!
Sarah Palin VPILF of the Republicunt Party has ignited an international incident with her foolish remarks in one of her rare but ungemlike interviews. Palin told Katie Couric that when Putin rears his head, he will come into American airspace in...
Read full storyRacist Chants Mar Euro Football and US Presidential Campaign!
In an odd and troubling convergence between the worlds of Professional American politics and Euro Football, Racist chants from low life bystanders have brought disgrace on both matches. In the game between England and Croatia in Zagreb, neo-naz...
Read full storyBush Denies All Personal Responsibility at UN
After almost eight years of unremitting disaster, unrepentant GW Bush told the assembled representatives of the world's nations that he had no regrets. Bush explained to UN representatives that Russia caused the hurricanes after which his admin...
Read full storyToontown Spliced Apart by Palin Controversy!
Usually contentious by day and tranquil by night, the hometown of cartoon characters has been thrown into 24-7 turmoil by the appointment of Sarah Palin to the Republican Veep. One camp led by Boris and Natasha Nogoodenoff have become fanatica...
Read full storySarah Palin's Playboy Offer
HOLLYWOOD, California - Hugh Hefner has stated that if John McCain is not elected president that he would like for Sarah Palin to appear in Playboy Magazine. Hef said that Palin would make a great centerfold and that the edition would literally f...
Read full storyMcCain Wants to Replace Debates with : Drill, Baby, Drill the VP Contest!
As the Republicant delegates defied all ecological wisdom and feverishly chanted "Drill, Baby Drill" like psychopaths out of There Will Be Blood, John McCain got an idea. Knowing that the senile inarticulate ass would be badly whupped by the erud...
Read full storyChinese astronauts get sick on tainted Orange Tang
Kennedy Space Center, Florida - A complimentary case of Tang, the preferred drink of astronauts during America's golden space age in the 1960s and 1970s, was sent to the Chinese astronauts by NASA as a congratulatory gesture for their successful laun...
Read full storyPresident Bush To Bail Out Lawyers
President George W. Bush has jumped on a new bandwagon. With the Wall Street bailout a hot topic in Washington, President Bush announced today a further bailout, for struggling lawyers. Speaking at Tuffy's Pub in Alexandria, President Bush explain...
Read full story"Wall Street Investment Banker Doll" cancelled; replaced with "Che Guevara Socialist Guerilla Marketing Action Figure"
New York, New York - Stocks rose moderately before falling farther on the news that a toy-manufacturing company is following in the footsteps of billionaire Warren Buffett in restoring faith in turbulent financial markets. Only not by investing a com...
Read full storyObama Requests Congress to Approve Cabinet Prior to Election!
Chicago/ Somewhere in a Back Room - Saying he wanted to get a head start on his administration, Presidential Candidate Barack Obama demanded that the Democratic Congress approve his Cabinet Appointments before the January Coronation. "Let's just s...
Read full storySecret Mission to Iran Revealed
Tel Aviv, Israel: Several B1 Lancer bombers, each with a Saudi Arabian flag painted on its vertical stabilizer and Arabic writing on the nose have landed here. The aircraft and flight crews were initially detained, as technically Saudi Arabia is stil...
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