Written by Steddyeddy

Friday, 26 September 2008

image for Ruth Kelly to be knighted in New Year Honours
Sir Ruth is floored by the announcement of her knighthood

In recognition of her fabulous work serving the Labour Government, Gordon Brown has announced that Ruth Kelly will receive a knighthood, the first on his 2008 "Gordylist" for a New Year's Honour.

Sir Ruth gains this second knighthood (to sit alongside her existing one from her religious organisation, Open Days), for both her sterling work and her Euro work, as Secretary of State for Education and then laterly as Secretary of State for Transport.

Charting her successful career, the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, was almost in tears, as he stood next to his wife who was chopping an onion for that night's chili con carne.

He said:

"Ruth Kelly has been a champion. A bright spark, plugged into all aspects of running the country.

"As Secretary of State for Education, she, er, and when the Teachers were out on strike for higher pay she immediately responded by, er, um, and when that scandal hit the Department she er, oh, and of course that great er, um, you know, with the Universities. Lovely. Smashing. Don't listen to Tony.

"And we mustn't forget her excellent work as the 'driving' force behind the major decisions made at the Department for Transport to help improve travel, which is one of the things I asked the Department for Transport to do, i.e. look at Transport issues. Which they did. A lot.

"On the subject of road congestion, she was, er,um, er and on rail fares and rail transport she, er, er, and with air transport and the opening of Terminal 5 at Heathrow, we mustn't forget how she er, um, er. Fabulous.

"So all in all, this record of achievement has been so successful as to be second only to the great work the Fat Controller did for Thomas the Tank Engine.

"I can but wish Sir Ruth a happy retirement from the Government. We, and especially the journalists in Private Eye, will sorely miss her and the great work she has done."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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