During the recent Paul McCratney concert in the battle zone of Israel a disturbed Beatles fan cut off one of her legs in an attempt to appeal to her hero during the Frog Chorus. Amongst dancing from the 50,000 crowd, Michelle MyBell was forced to pogo until passing out through blood loss.
'My body means nothing to me', she later told reporters,'I could quite easily be in a bomb blast tomorrow and lose a limb, so I just made things happen faster for Paul. I hope he likes this gesture and I can replace his mutant ex-wife Heather Miller.'
As she was taken away by a medical team she stumped up - 'I also like horses and can do nude shots if he wants me to. I want to follow him all round the world although this is more difficult now. I'd love a 'A Ticket to Ride' but I won't be driving his car.'
On hearing the news, McCratney said 'The tour is a long and winding road across the universe. I hope Michelle gets help or something.'
He then began eating a cardboard McCratney burger in honour of dead vegetarian Lydia, his first wife, stating in a very loud voice that 'meat is murder.'
Other Beatles declined to comment from their graves. There are rumours, however, that Dingo Starr is still alive but just isn't very popular. He is still believed to be listening to "Dingo forever! Pete never!" from old live concert recordings in a cave somewhere. This relates back to the argument over who was the better drummer in the band.
Was Pete best?
Meanwhile McCratney was critisied after the concert for including Pipes of Peace in his setlist.
'Is he taking the piss?' said a Palestinian suicide bomber before exploding in the toilets. The McCratney burgers were later declared unsuitable for human consumption.
