In a shocking admission former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, often referred to as 'Yoda', has admitted that he has been the victim of repeated alien abductions since he was a seven year old. He claims he has suffered no ill effects and has been able to lead a perfectly normal life.
Friends and family, however, are finding the admission clears up a lot of questions they have had for years about Greenspan. For example, his wife, Andrea Mitchell, says, "Now I understand why Alan can't speak English, they probably taught him that strange 'Yoda-speak' in order to communicate with him."
Neighbors are just glad to have an explanation for the strange noises and lights seen late at night emanating from the Greenspan compound in a tony Virginia suburb. "We didn't like to think Alan and Andrea were, you know, uh, sexual swingers or anything like that," said one neighbor who declined to be identified.
Associates at the Federal Reserve were relieved when they heard the news. "Oh my God," said one, "we've all seen Alan levitate and turn green just before he faced the cameras to detail his latest monetary policy. We all thought he was just pissed off!"
Sources at the White House, speaking off the record, say this goes a long way toward explaining the Greenspan policies that seem to rely on nothing at all to create swelling economies. One said, "It's almost as if he believed in magic. Now we know he may have been working in a different time continuum the whole time."
President Bush said that with this new knowledge he would expect the Federal Reserve to review Ben Bernanke's qualifications to act as chairman, since his policies are exact replicas of Greenspan's. He pounded on his desk and shouted, "We will have no more of these economic hot air balloons on my watch!"
