Michael Jackson is Barrack Obama
Shock news was released today that Barrack Obama and Michael Jackson are one and the same person. Jackson had believed to be in hiding recently when in fact he had been under the knife in a Swiss private hospital receiving the latest in a long line o...
Read full storyBNP List Contains Names Of Several Portuguese Police Officers, Cristiano Ronaldo And Jose Mourinho, Amongst Others
A list containing the names and addresses of millions of BNP members has been posted on the internet causing embarrassment and concern for, amongst others, officers of the Portuguese police that handled the Madeleine McCann case, and some top sportin...
Read full storySomali Pirates hijack Int'l Space Station; holding astronauts and cosmonauts aboard hostage; NASA calls on Obama for advice
Huston, Texas - Fresh from their defeat at the animatronic hands of the "Prorates of the Caribbean", after escaping Disneyland security and smuggling themselves onboard the last shuttle flight that docked with the Int'l Space Station (ISS) last week,...
Read full storyBear Advice For Camping
For those of you planning to go camping in the near future, here are some tips on what to do should a bear approach you and your family at your campsite: Prepare ahead of time. Take a neighbor's kid-they always want to go- and put some bacon grease on his pants cuffs and let him sleep closest to the tent flap. If you wake up and it's YOU a bear is sniffing, immediately shat your pants. Altho...
Read full storyPro-Lifers Storm LA Sperm Bank chanting "Demon Seed"
As part of a new strategy to link the evils of abortion and masturbation, a group of approximately 30 pro-life protestors were arrested for trespassing and vandalism to the Catholic-run "Our Lady of Comfort" Sperm Bank in downtown LA (*). LA Pol...
Read full storyGordon Brown Issues Stern Warning To Overzealous Banks
The Prime Minister got really angry today with bankers who refused to lend customers money despite massive government bailouts. Singled out for a particularly vitriolic attack was Stan The Bastard's Bank, Building Society, and Pizzeria, of Hartlep...
Read full storyZac Efron Tires of Smacking Vanessa Hudgens' Ass - Decides to Finger her Pussy instead
High School Musical heartthrob Zac Efron has abandoned his desire to smack co-star Vanessa Hudgens' bottom in favor of directing his attention towards her pet cat instead. The exuberant - some say, gay - actor had previously been publicly vili...
Read full storySecretary Paulson Announces Resignation
At 11:00ET today, Secretary Paulson announced his intention to resign his cabinet position effective immediately. Speaking to a small group of Treasury Department insiders, Paulson commented that his dynamic strategy of "throwing shit against the wa...
Read full storyLost Five Commandments Unearthed In Lancashire Field
Ramsbottom, Lancashire - Local farmer Cosmo Clitterthwaite today claimed to have unearthed another five commandments, in addition to the ten already given to Moses on tablets of stone, during routine digging in a field. Our reporting team was unan...
Read full storyHefner's New Girlfriends Not Allowed to Date
Signing papers that prohibit conversation or contact with any other male younger than 70, Hugh Hefner's new girlfriends have vowed to be monogamous with the octogenarian for the remainder of his natural days, or until he becomes sick of them. Foll...
Read full storyBritney Spears' "Circus", Not Just a Lifestyle
Basing many of her new songs on the lifestyle that has become part of the franchise that is Britney Spears, her soon to be released "Circus" CD will feature many of the trials and tribulations that come standard with the day to day life of this pop s...
Read full storyNASA's Mars Observer finds fabled Martian 'Valley of the Kings' erection
Cydonia - (Jean-François Champollion Mess): NASA's Mars Observer has sent back stunning pictures of the red planet's very own Vallley of the Kings erection in an area close to the pentagrammic D&M Pyramid in Cydonia. The famous Egyptian necrop...
Read full story'Disturbed' Goldfish Removed From Family Home By Social Services
Pandemonium broke out this afternoon on a council estate in Oxford when Social Services removed a 'disturbed and abused' pet goldfish from its family home, in a bowl, on the sideboard, and took it into protective custody. 'This is outrageous,' sai...
Read full storyAwesome Thanksgiving Day astrology!
Roosevelt Island, New York - (Cosmic Mess): The most awesome astrological event of the 21st century is set to take place on Thanksgiving Day this week according to skywatchers bivouacked at a top secret UN hideaway on the north-western tip of Rooseve...
Read full storyRosemary Shrager's TV cookery show students are being 'eaten' claim!
Hefty Cook Rosemary Shrager, has been accused, by the histrionic, of eating the student's she evicts from her TV programme. The husband of one of the contestant's said "last time I saw my wife, roly-poly Rosemary was telling her to take off her ap...
Read full storyCritics pan teen's online suicide
Long Neck, NY--For a 19-year-old community college student in Long Neck, PerfomanceArtSpace.web was a place to express himself, push the boundaries of art and imagination, and receive (mostly) encouraging feedback. The renovated warehouse, refitted w...
Read full storyJupiter To Become Another Sun By 2012
Houston TX-- NASA astronomers confirmed today the planet Jupiter is about to become a second sun by 2012. The new sun will change life on earth forever and will have unexpected consequences, according to NASA scientists. The solar-system's larges...
Read full storyBush lets Obama and his Cabinet conduct meetings in a Tree House on the White House lawn
Washington, D.C. - Giving in to the demands of an uneasy nation and to restore confidence in the turbulent financial markets, President Bush has agreed to let President-Elect Barack Obama and his Cabinet inch ever closer to the seat of the presidency...
Read full storyCelebrity TV? Keep it real, says Carling
Former England rugby captain Will Carling has today blasted the comings and goings on the current crop of game shows. "The judging and comments by the so-called experts show they are out of touch with reality. I bet they wear blazers and live in Twic...
Read full storyTony Blair buggered former US security agent claims
Washington AC/DC - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): A former US Navy communications expert, David Murfee Faulk, has told American television news that a 2006 National Security Agency file entry on Tony Blair's private life says he 'is buggered'. The da...
Read full storyYoungest ever Rally Champion
Dwayne Piper has become the world's youngest rally champion aged just thirteen. The youngster from Salford, near Manchester came first in the Welsh leg of the RAC Rally, a full ten seconds ahead of his nearest rival. "It was immense," said Pipe...
Read full storyObama says Kwanzaa in "Multicolor House'
Washington D.C Kwanzaa will be celebrated in the new 'multi-colored' house next year. In keeping with his theme throughout his campaign, that 'change is coming', President -elect Barack Obama announced change yesterday. Kwanzaa will be celebrated in...
Read full storyMet Top Cop Withdraws Racism Claims £££
Police Asst. Commissionaire Tupac Guffur has today sold his principles for a large amount of cash. 'Now that I've received a huge pay-off from the Met, I no longer think they are a bit racialist' he said. In what was being lauded as one of the gre...
Read full storyWal-Mart to ask for Bailout
Representatives of Wal-Mart testified before Congress yesterday requesting $10 billion in bailout money. "Critics say that our business is striving, and that is true. I do not come here asking to bail out a company that is about to fail. "We a...
Read full storyDubai 'Sex On Beach' Couple To Be Made To Service Eager Locals
The two Britons found guilty of having sex on a Dubai beach, are to be made to 'service' enthusiastic local residents in a way they could not possibly have imagined when they let their lust get the better of them back in July. The duo from Bromle...
Read full storyBig Three Propose New Plan
The Big Three automakers, General Motors, Ford and Chrysler, disclosed their new plan for using federal dollars to save the US auto industry. Sensitive to public perception after the incident where they flew in separate private jets, the three CEOs w...
Read full storyGuilderland, NY Voted "Un-Funniest" City in America
Home to ultra conservative overweight men and house fraus alike, Guilderland, NY was recently voted by TheSpoof Magazine as the "Un-Funniest City in America". After a nationwide search which included Peoria Illinois, Des Moines Iowa, and Fargo North...
Read full storyBureaucrat Dies
Snively Wusbag passed away Monday. Wusbag, a career bureaucrat, died in his New York City home at the age of 73. He was remembered for his long career obstructing regular people from getting things done. Born during the Great Depression to a famil...
Read full storyStealth Taxes?...You Wish!
That's the message from Trainee Chancellor Alistair Darling today after he announced the revitalisation of 19th Century style Press Gangs to roam around the UK raising funds for the Government coffers. 'The plan is to position teams near cashpoint...
Read full storyDalai Lama Linked to Guns N' Roses Chinese Democracy Album
Rosebud, South Dakota - After 14 years in the making and $13 million in production costs, Guns N' Roses has finally released its Chinese Democracy album. Chinese Democracy has received tepid reviews in the West and outright banning in China. Now it...
Read full storyMeek will not now inherit earth: Pope
The Vatican has just announced today that the Pope will announce next Sunday that believers commonly regarded as "meek" will not now inherit the earth. Contrary to the immortal words spoken by Christ at the Sermon on the Mount 2000 years ago, Pop...
Read full storyDude, Where's My Bush Gone!
Super-heavyweight President bullier Michael Moore has spoken out about his disappointment over Barack Obama and his successful presidential campaign. "I know its good for the country, promises great change for the future, has been long overdue and al...
Read full storyBarack Steps Down
"Its the only way I can descend stairs!" declared the president in waiting (in bullet-proofed waiting, actually). His wife Michelle, said angrily "I cant believe you would resort to publishing hurtful stories about my family and their moving from...
Read full storyBaghdad Market Day 'unspectacluar'
News reports are trickling out of Iraq that its Thursday Flea Market & Hippie Stall Day passed by unnerving quietly. For the first time in 3 years, it appears that no suicide bombers were available to successfully activate a bomb in the name of m...
Read full storyPorn Star In Bizarre 'Backfire' Accident
Legendary porno stud Larry 'The Portion' Buttwad was rushed to Los Angeles Memorial Hospital this afternoon following a bizarre backfire incident. Co-star Vanilla Van Slut takes up the story: 'We were shooting a scene from our latest movie, Deb...
Read full storyMet Office Issues Severe Weather Warning
The Met Office this morning issued a severe weather warning across the UK. Veteran weather man Michael Fish warned that if the government and people of the UK don't haul themselves up by their bootstraps and haul ourselves out of recession then the...
Read full storyGovernment Loses Disk Containing Names Of UK Viagra Users
Yet another shambolic development within the British government emerged this morning, as the Ministry of Hard-ons admitted losing a disk containing the names, addresses, telephone numbers and bank details of every single one of the UK's 2.3million V...
Read full storyHollywood studios reject 'Pirates of Somalia' movie proposal, allege filmmakers
The makers the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' movie series have alleged that Hollywood studios have rejected their proposal to make a new movie based on recent piracy incidents off the Somalian coast to be titled "Pirates of Somalia" According to dire...
Read full storyHandicapped Palin Infant is Actually a Life-like Robotic Doll
Wasilla, Alaska- Today a shocking revelation was made public about former Republican VP canidate, Sarah Palin.It turns out that the the 5th child of Palin brood is an incredibly life-like robotic doll constructed from space age polomers. The deve...
Read full story"Ramrod" Ramsey's Rollicking Relationship
An obviously emotional Gordon Ramsey spoke candidly to press today about his alleged affair with ex-jeffrey crim-archer's mistress Sarah Symonds. "It's not what you think, Sarah, my wife Tana, and I have a close relationship, we thought it best th...
Read full storyMuhammed Security-Pact, The Quasi American Iraqi Joe!
The US elections has spawned creatures like beer guzzling Joe six pack and Republicant Joe the plumber skyrocketing the common named man into the stratosphere of populist politics. Iraq the new wannabee America has proven to be no different as it...
Read full storyUtodd the New Utah Brought to you By Gay Billions!
Utah, former home of anti Gay bigotry, polygamy and beautiful boy singers, has been acquired in a hostile, cat fight takeover by big gay bucks. Mormons re-pioneered their asses onto diesel fueled covered wagons and fled to H8 states like Arizona and...
Read full storyAll Blacks To Field Womens Team Against England
New Zealand Assistant Coach Wayne Smith has admitted that they will be fielding the popular 'Black Ferns', the female version of the All Blacks team at Twickenham on Saturday. "The English team is said to be playing like girls at the moment so it'...
Read full storyWater Found on Mars
Scientists at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory confirmed today that water has been found on Mars. Using highly sophisticated telescopes and other instruments in earth orbit, they determined that the Martian surface contains at least three molecules o...
Read full storyObama Proposes Bigger Bailout
President-elect Barack Obama and his team of economic advisers put forward a new proposal to bail out the ailing US economy. Since the original $700 billion bailout is not getting the job done, Obama proposes to up the bailout to "a Gajillion dollars...
Read full storyBeef scam exposed
Inspectors have raided 22 butchers shops across the city after an investigative report in The Pig Truth revealed how some are using red paint to give frozen beef a fresh look. Punk clothed officers from the Paint and Environmental Department colle...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Adopt Michael Jackson
HOLLYWOOD (FMLiveWire) - Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have expanded their family by adopting Michael Jackson. Jackson thus becomes the Hollywood couple's seventh child. Recent tabloid articles report that the radical Jackson adoption has saved...
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