Hefner's New Girlfriends Not Allowed to Date

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

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The New Bunnies Have Moved In

Signing papers that prohibit conversation or contact with any other male younger than 70, Hugh Hefner's new girlfriends have vowed to be monogamous with the octogenarian for the remainder of his natural days, or until he becomes sick of them.

Following the loss of two of his live-in girlfriends to much younger men, Hefner vowed to restrict outside social activities and at-home mansion parties in order to limit the exposure his new girlfriends would have to other successful suitors. Two of his favorite girls, Kendra and Holly, sampled the younger waters and found love outside the Playboy walls. Kendra is soon to wed NFL pro Hank Baskett, while Holly has been locked to the arm of illusionist, Chris Angel.

Doorman at the Playboy Mansion, Rod Stiffington, tells reporters that he was "pretty close to all the girls. They confided in me regularly." When asked about the specifics that might have led to the break up, Stiffington commented, "Let's just say that it was the Grey pubes that really turned them off."

New rules prevent Hefner's current girlfriend trio from leaving the premises unless accompanied by Hefner himself, and for those limited parties scheduled at the mansion, no football players or magicians allowed.

While reporters interviewed Stiffington, a delivery was received from the drug store containing a refill of Hefner's Viagra prescription, and an ample supply of dark brown hair dye. Stiffington commented, "That might not be enough dye. It isn't just the pubes that are Grey, it's the nose hair, pit hair, ear hair. The man is covered with white follicles. We're going to have to put in a bulk order."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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