Hollywood studios reject 'Pirates of Somalia' movie proposal, allege filmmakers

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Tuesday, 25 November 2008


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The makers the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' movie series have alleged that Hollywood studios have rejected their proposal to make a new movie based on recent piracy incidents off the Somalian coast to be titled "Pirates of Somalia"

According to director Gore Vebrinski, Disney studio bosses were not too enthused by the prospect of making a movie based on real life Black, Afrikaner pirates fearing that they would be accused of glorifying and sympathizing 'bad pirates'

"I was asked point-blank by one of the studio bosses 'How would Johnny Depp fit in a movie about black, villainous pirates?' I was told that they might consider accepting my proposal if I changed the script and introduced 'good heroic pirates' led by Jack Sparrow to battle and defeat the bad Somali pirates" alleged the shocked director of the pirate series.

An enraged Jerry Bruckheimer who is the producer of the trilogy asked, "How does one classify pirates as good or bad? If 'good pirates' implies pirates who stick only to looting the ships or demanding ransom in exchanges for hostages and desist from barbaric torture, rape or butchering of hostages, then the Somali pirates more than classify as good pirates compared to some of the debauched pirates of medieval Europe who have been romanticized by English novelists"

Gore Vebrinski who along with screen-writers Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio researched extensively the lives of Somali pirates for nearly two months told members of American press that after hearing the pirates side, he has come to the conclusion that they were only minor players compared to the real pirates of Somalia - Western nations and their corporations who have oil interests in Somalia and have used its coast for dumping their toxic nuclear waste and illegal fishing.

"Fishing fleets are pirates too!" asserted Vebrinski, "Vessels from France, Spain, Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Egypt, Kenya, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Sri Lanka, Yemen, Belize and Honduras exploit Somalia's fish stocks with virtual impunity. It is shocking that many countries that are sending warships to fight Somali pirates are themselves directly linked to the foreign fishing vessels that are busily plundering Somalia's offshore resources"

Ted Elliot reminded members of press about the recent history of Somalia which has contributed to organised crime on its 3300 kilometer coast. "Somalia was invaded by mercenaries by Ethiopia, trained, financed, armed and directed by US military advisers. United States has plans for nearly two-thirds of Somalia's oil fields to be allocated to the US oil companies Conoco, Amoco, Chevron and Phillips. The 'hijacking' of Somalia by US & Ethiopia has resulted in more than a million internal refugees with 3.5 million, almost half of Somali population facing famine and starvation"

Jerry Bruckheimer apologised for contributing to romanticizing of piracy through creation of heroic, fictional characters like Jack Sparrow.

"By making 'Pirates of Somalia' we want to correct our past mistake of glamorising pirates and show to the world the real truth about piracy. In reality, there are no heroic and villianous pirates, only big pirates and small pirates. The big pirates rule the high seas, operate under legal protection, plunder hundreds of billions of dollars from honest, hardworking tax-payers and smoothly sail away with their loot, while the small pirates are those whose ships get sunk.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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