The Vatican has just announced today that the Pope will announce next Sunday that believers commonly regarded as "meek" will not now inherit the earth.
Contrary to the immortal words spoken by Christ at the Sermon on the Mount 2000 years ago, Pope Benedict XVI has instructed all meek Christians to take a rain check and accept a smaller consolation prize such as a holiday in Acapulco.
The Pope believes that to deliver on such a promise in this day and age is not possible given the changed state of human civilisation since the time of Jesus.
A spokesman for the Society of Determined Meekness was annoyed at the suggestion that they would miss out and denies that the meek will "cop it on the chin". In a brief tirade he said "we're going to fight this sucker all the way to the pearly gates".
Gordon Brown was unavailable for comment.
