Dalai Lama Linked to Guns N' Roses Chinese Democracy Album

Funny story written by David David

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

image for Dalai Lama Linked to Guns N' Roses Chinese Democracy Album
Buddhist monks queue up to audition for Guns N' Lotus new album project

Rosebud, South Dakota - After 14 years in the making and $13 million in production costs, Guns N' Roses has finally released its Chinese Democracy album. Chinese Democracy has received tepid reviews in the West and outright banning in China. Now it has emerged that the most expensive album ever made has been secretly funded by the Dalai Lama and the Free Tibet movement.

GNR band leader, Axl Grease Rose has denied the charges that the Dalai Lama is behind his latest album. "Yeah, we had massive problems with this project from the start, with our manager, musicians, label, money, dealer, just everything went wrong."

"So when His Holiness the Dalai Lama sent a representative in 1995 to offer spiritual guidance that was the first ray of sunshine," explained Rose, fingering his mala beads.

Rose further explained that when several GNR band members quit, monks also volunteered to sit in on the studio recording sessions. "I think the chorus chants and bells and cymbals work well with electronics, don't you?" asked Rose, relighting a yak butter lamp.

"Things were looking up, then in 2000 I suffered complete writer's block," said Rose. "I tried and tried to complete the title track, Chinese Revolution, and got nowhere. It was His Holiness who suggested I give up drugs and change the lyrics to Chinese Democracy. Then it just flowed like a Himalayan stream."

In addition to the spiritual and musical support offered by the Dalai Lama to Guns N' Roses, unidentified sources now claim that the $13 million production cost of the Chinese Democracy project was secretly funded by the exiled Tibetan leader as well.

Dalai Lama spokesperson, Ly Ing, has denied the charge. According to Ly Ing, the Dalai Lama has always supported the 'Middle Path' approach, and would never underhandedly manipulate the West into challenging or provoking the Chinese government or people through popular culture.

"We never gave $13 million to Axl Rose to produce Chinese Democracy. That $13 million was strictly donated to promote spiritual development and pay off old drug debts," explained a smiling Ly Ing.

Axl Rose, who has recently changed his name to Axl Lotus, seems eager to put the controversy over his Chinese Democracy album behind him.

"Like a prayer wheel, life must move on when touched by a hand or the wind," said Axl, a little incensed.

"Our new band, Guns N' Lotus, is now working on a totally new concept. It's tentatively titled 'Middle Path to Lhasa via Beverly Hills'. Dr Pepper has pledged to give a free soft drink to every Chinese person if we release it by 2025. See you then."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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