Roosevelt Island, New York - (Cosmic Mess): The most awesome astrological event of the 21st century is set to take place on Thanksgiving Day this week according to skywatchers bivouacked at a top secret UN hideaway on the north-western tip of Roosevelt Island.
"The celestial pageant begins at 1.03GMT," Prof V Smart, head of the UN's Cosmic Parasitology Division said today, "with the entrance of Pluto into Capricorn.
"This ingress first occurred exactly ten months ago and resulted in the skyrocketing of crude oil prices," Smart explained.
"This time round Pluto joins celestial Lesser and Greater Benefics Venus and Jupiter, heralding ominous news of a major event in House of Windsor seismic faultlines.
"Wouldn't be surprised if the entire British Government falls on its sword over that one!" Smart added enigmatically.
"Some fifteen hours later at 16.08GMT this Thursday the planet Uranus ends its baleful five month retrograde transit of Pisces, sign of fishy gangster outfits like Opus Dei. Expect some ructions in that department!
"Then less than 50 minutes later at 16.55GMT the Sun and Moon line up in magnificent conjunction in fiery Sagittarius, close to both Mercury and Mars.
"And all the while a stupendous Jupiter/Saturn trine underpins a grand cosmic alliance first forged with the birth of the gods in the Altair asterism, totem of the constellation Aquila.
"Happy Thanksgiving!"
