Bill O'Reilly Calls The Internet "Liberal"
The internet is "liberal" according to Fox News comedian Bill O'Reilly. The aging Fox News commentator and mic cutter Bill O'Reilly claims he knows that the internet is liberal because there were more Barack Obama ads than there were John McCain a...
Read full story"That" published British National Party membership list in full
As the BNP goes to court against a disaffected former HQ member who published the names, addresses and occupations of BNP members on the internet, we again publish those details in the interests of public service, and of course, for a laugh. Hugh Himmler - Director of BNP election leaflet stapling and envelope licking. Former IRA internment H-Block guard turned ballet dancer. Hobbies and intere...
Read full storyThe American 3 Musketeers Last Day In Office
Jan. 2009. Karl Rove, Bush and Cheney enter the Oval Office for the last time. Nostalgia overtakes Bush as he openly weeps. Rove and Cheney have no reminises, only a nagging sense of lost power. "It was so beautiful, and now it is gone!" weeps Bush. "Now, now..." says Cheney as he reaches under the former President's hairline and pulls out a large computer insert. The deactivated Bush crumpl...
Read full storyThe Vampire And The Vamp
The vampire waited patiently, ravenously in the dark alley. His never ending thirst was a suction within himself that pulled and tore at every organ. Weakened by lack of finding a victim for several nights, he knew he must find one tonight or suffer...
Read full storyAnn Coulter Infomercial for Women With PPMS
A svelte, relaxed and composed Ann Coulter appears on the screen and recites the following: Ladies, I am here to speak to you privately about a medical problem that affects many of us- PPMS, Permanent Premenstrual Syndrome. For some of us it is a constant battle to deal with unlady-like emotions and sensations that interrupt our daily lives and cause us to react to situations and people negativ...
Read full storyObama's Chicago neighbors delighted with election result.
In their first interviews since the election the neighbors of President Elect Barak Obama have said how delighted they are with the result. Mrs. Ralph Steinman, who lives opposite, says, "Damn straight I'm delighted, they can't leave soon enough as far as I'm concerned, miserable, stuck up bastards. Good riddance I say". Next door the Smithfields, Gloria and Doug had this to say, "Satur...
Read full storyAdult, Children's Toy Recall
The Consumer Product Safety Commission has issued an immediate recall of the following toys made in China. Adults: The Rabbit Grabit Ms Suzy Squeezems Mr. Dick's Erector Set Nurse & Patient Outfits I Spy With Old One-Eye Lady And The Tramp Outfits Bucky Rides Again Willie and Beaver Cleaver Rooster, Hen Feathers Galore Uncle Remus Fake Penis Childrens: Baby's First Sewing...
Read full storyThe Chinese President Meets Cuba's Fidel Castro
HAVANA, Cuba - Chinese President Hu Jintao recently visited Cuba. He spoke with the ex-Cuban leader Fidel Castro. Hu Jintao was personally given a tour of Cuba by Castro himself. El presidente first pointed out that the Chevrolet Caprice that they...
Read full storyNew Zealand to ban smoking children
In a radical move the NZ government is seeking "consultation" from interested parties, with a view to banning the widespread and traditional practice of smoking children. The practice, long popular with both Maori and European peoples is now consider...
Read full storyA look at Wendy's Hooters
Bob Evans was recently found comatose, soaked in Mountain Dew caused by the Sierra Mist, slipping In-N-Out of consciousness and his skin a Mellow Yellow. Dr Pepper was called in and has suggested an occasional Squirt of Krispie Kreme for the associa...
Read full storyAutomakers vow to not use Bailout Money "for Whores"
CEOs of the top three US automakers promised congress that they would use the money they received from the government "not at all for paying prostitutes or whores" in a statement today. A spokesman for one company said he wants his company to...
Read full storyPass the Penis Pasta Parcel Please
Nobby's Beach, New South Wales, Australia - "Mmmmm, the pasta's delicious, Keith, what's in it?" asked Keith Roy Weatherley's mum innocently at a recent dinner party. "It's the secret ingredient in my sauce," replied son Keith. Keith's secret is...
Read full storyCompulsive Shitter seeks help
A laxative-obsessed, cod liver oil-gulping, gingerbread-eating woman has sought help to stem her uncontrollable shitting. Ida Shitz, 41, from Cologne Germany said her fixation began when she was fed mashed up brown bread and syrup as a child and s...
Read full storyPrime Minister Gordon Brown has turned into a 'slimy reptilian alien slug', David Icke claimed today
Conspiracy theorist and alien lifeform watcher David Icke today claimed that Prime Minister Gordon Brown had been transmuted into a 'slimy, reptilian, alien slug'. Speaking from his padded cell in Essex, Mr. Icke said: 'It's easy to scoff at me, b...
Read full storyIt's official, this year's Winter may be cold
The London Met Office has declared that there is a 73% chance that winter may this year be cold. According to experts from the weather centre, British winter days tend to be much colder than they are during the summer. They are also predicting tha...
Read full storyKnife Amnesty Amnesty
Home Secretary Jacqui Smith today released plans for a controversial amnesty of existing knife amnesty measures. The news comes after a recent independent watchdog discovered that several knife amnesty schemes, operating over the past 4 years, hav...
Read full storyClinton Advises Official Language Change
Secretary of State nominee Hillary Rodham Clinton is said to be advocating a change from English, as the first language, to Jive. She announced: "You know this will save all sorts of money when we no longer have to send out, you know, unemploymen...
Read full storyObama calls for International Space Station Overhaul
President Elect Barack Obama called today for a complete overhaul of the International Space Station. The 6'1 tall pres said: "Uh, when I found out there is no, uh, basketball court, not even a practice hoop, uh, on that sucker I was like, uh, wha...
Read full storyTony BLLLEEEEAAARRK!
It doesn't seem that long ago when most people in Britain were acting like zombies in their worship of Tony Blair, acting like a lot of people are now acting in America with regards to Obama. But, since this delusion wore off with petrol strikes and no weapons of mass destruction to be found, many people have now subconsciously buried their prior idiocy in thinking Tony would save them from the mo...
Read full story"Meet The Press" Sarah Palin Shot Her First Moose at the Age of 3
These are the Topics of the TV News Shows for this coming Sunday: "This Week" (ABC) - George Stephanopoulos will interview Vice-President Dick Cheney and he will ask him why and where he has been hiding for these past two months. George will also be asking Cheney why the hell he is always in such a grouchy-ass mood and if he really feels that it is okay for someone as rich as himself to be appl...
Read full storyWilliam Shatner Builds Incredible Space Ship
Hairy Furrows/Illinois. Eddy Dubois on personal assignment. I'm standing in the garden of William Shatner, or better known to his legions of fans as James 'Tiberius' Kirk. Wow. I hardly know how to greet the man, I am so in awe of actually standing in the great actor's prescence that I just clam up. Fortunately, Jim, I mean Bill, puts me at ease by giving my ear a 'wet willy'..(such big fingers!).
Read full storyTeen Queen Brenda Song "Hates" Miley Cyrus
Fans never thought this day would come. Brenda Song had a revealing one-on-one interview with Star Magazine about her friendship with Miley Cyrus: What are your thoughts on your close friend Miley Cyrus? To tell you the truth, I never liked her. I know this sounds really surprising, but we faked our friendship. Miley and I pretended to be friends for the sake of it. So, you're saying that...
Read full storyGeorge W Bush meets Angela Merkel
Today at the G20 summit in Washington President George W Bush met Chancellor Angela D Merkel, and here is the Secret Service recording of their conversation - Bush: 'Yo, Angie! How's tricks? Still tryin' a-sell us that piss water you call beer?' Merkel [through a translator]: 'Good morning, Mr President, thank you for wishing to talk to me.' Bush: 'Heck, how can ah talk ta ya, honey, you...
Read full storyEntire cast of I'm a Celebrity quit show
All the celebrities from the ITV show I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here have quit. After being transported to the other side of the planet and deposited into a tropical rain forest the celebrities complained about conditions. "We didn't expect i...
Read full storyCareless Carling Broke Our Haka
The New Zealand public have declared war on ex England rugby captain Will Carling after his disastrous appearance on last night's 'A Question Of Sport', during which he caused a permanent fissure in the hundred year old 'kama te' haka. The evening...
Read full storyFather Christmas Killed in Tragic Sleigh Accident, Say Cash-Strapped Parents
St Nicholas, the jovial and benevolent bearer of Christmas gifts died when his custom-made sleigh collided with a Jumbo Jet just outside the North Pole, newly-impoverished parents reported to their children yesterday. The man more commonly known a...
Read full storyPresidential Bash with Saturday Night
The Republican presidential ticket appeared on Saturday Night Live's "Presidential Bash," while the Democrats were represented by their stand-ins. John McCain opened the show by poking fun at NBC's programming lineup, while Sarah Palin awkwardly joke...
Read full storyBNP Membership List Shocker!
The release of the BNP's membership details on the internet has revealed some unexpected names. Top of the unexpected list is Prime Chancellor Gordon Browne. When Asked, the Rt Hon Mr Browne said 'OK - it's a fair cop, I've been with them for year...
Read full storyDubai hotel opens and then closes
Organisers of the world's largest firework display at the opening of the Dubai Super-hotel, the Palm, have been held responsible for the early closing of the luxury ten star facility. The Palm was built on an artificial island in the shape of a pa...
Read full storyMildly Attractive Woman is Ambivilant about Trashy, Comic-con Geek
Dearest Madame Bitters, I'm a single woman well into my 30's and I'm more than ready to settle down. I'm dating a man who is sweet and considerate, but he is a loser in every other sense. He's a garbage man, he's 50lbs overweight and a horrible dresser. He goes to comic book and sci-fi conventions and he says, "Okie dokie," way, way too much. He's crazy about me and he wants to make a life with...
Read full storyBuster and The Baby Angel, Chapter 22: Back in the Vanguard
Radiant rubber or not that coarse # 16 sandpaper voice rasped the baby angel right out of bliss and back into a dirty old Dodge Caravan for an unwelcomed reunion with Buster and a consoling communion with a two yet free wheeling cycle named Paz. Wuz it good for you, croaked the frog with the princely hands to the winged victory prone now in defeat amid the pine cones, needles , and other pri...
Read full storyArsenal Captain Willie Farts in Face of Robin Good Fellow
Captain Willie Gallas got so full of gas at his Arsenal team mates, especially the free sprite, Robin Van Persie that Gallas let rip a gaseous explosion that made the Hindenburg look like a vart. The field cleared immediately amid players protestatio...
Read full storyFrom the Slave Ships to the White House and from Super Power to the Third World
The America Experiment is about to travel to a new frontier, a Third World economy and a Black President. Obama will lead the Country at a time of unbelievable crisis and conflict. Unstable economy, two Wars being fought and millions of refugees from Mexico. It was time for Change, change has come to America and now it needs the right man to lead it. As America joins the Third World, Oba...
Read full storyUS to Withdraw from Iraq by 2011; the Rest of the World by 2025
The US of A admitted that colonizing Iraq and creating a launching pad for its conquest of the Middle East failed. The only superpower has agreed to go home with its tail between its legs by 2011. The real shocking news was the added announcement...
Read full storySenator Larry "Tippytoe" Craig Outs Felonius Uncle Ted Stevens
Apparently when Idaho Senator Craig is not trying to seduce airport police in men's rooms, he outs his fellow old queens in public. Craig, in a really creepy farewell speech to "departing from the Senate, go straight to jail" Alaskan felon Ted Steven...
Read full storyFamous dog admits to itchy belly
Archie "Hurfanagle" Inglebert Humperdink Blake has just been admitted to rehab to deal with his itchy belly addiction. A source close to the subject says 'It was really getting out of hand, he would just constantly flop over wanting a fix'. At...
Read full storyLord Mandelson To Host New BBC Show 'Strictly Come Mincing'
Peter Mandelson, the MP who resigned from the government not once, but twice, over accusations that he was 'as bent as a nine-bob note', is to become the latest gay person to host a new BBC show which will cater for those with a tendency to bum men,...
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