A svelte, relaxed and composed Ann Coulter appears on the screen and recites the following:
Ladies, I am here to speak to you privately about a medical problem that affects many of us- PPMS, Permanent Premenstrual Syndrome. For some of us it is a constant battle to deal with unlady-like emotions and sensations that interrupt our daily lives and cause us to react to situations and people negatively. PPMS is a condition where a woman will live day after day with a state that is supposed to only be a monthly affliction, but instead becomes a relentless force pushing her to vile statements and strange beliefs.
Symptoms are extreme one-sidedness, lashing out madly at opponents both imagined and real, distorted viewpoints, general bitchiness and foaming-at-the-mouth diatribes. If any of these symptoms seem familiar to you, you might might need Vampirellia Valium, a soothing medication designed to quiet raging hormones and dispel menstrual tidal waves.
Ladies, take it from one who knows, use Vampirellia Valium when your monthly problems become daily ones.