Written by jeremy griffiths

Friday, 21 November 2008

image for New Zealand to ban smoking children
Low Tar children

In a radical move the NZ government is seeking "consultation" from interested parties, with a view to banning the widespread and traditional practice of smoking children. The practice, long popular with both Maori and European peoples is now considered a health risk.

Children in NZ have for many years been available with a tattooed health warning,consumption however is still on the increase.A spokesperson from the Dept of nutrition is quoted in today's NZ Herald as claiming the ban would have several major benefits,when questioned closely she appeared stressed, handed out a press statement and retreated with a low tar child.

The statement's main points are:

  1. Reduce the need to breed so many children.
  2. Increase the productive workforce.
  3. Cut down litter discarded by smoked children.
  4. Lessen back strain from carrying part-smoked children.

A representative of the children's union countered with a statement decrying the right of the state to interfere in the traditions of the nation, and pointed out that children considered it to be an honour to be smoked. "After all, why have 4 or 5 kids if you don't smoke a few of them?" he asked with ill concealed amazement."It's political correctness gone mad!" he added in a later outburst

New Zealand,long considered overly politically correct, long ago banned the use of forks, made helmets compulsory for leaving the couch,and substituted the word "tinted" for "bl*ck", as in tintedberry and tintedboard, will however find the proposed smoking children ban extremely difficult to get through parliament. A straw poll of MP's indicated that at least 64.2% of them enjoyed smoking children.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Smoking, new zealand

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