Written by Clifford Rutley

Friday, 21 November 2008

image for Tony BLLLEEEEAAARRK!
Feeling nauseous yet?

It doesn't seem that long ago when most people in Britain were acting like zombies in their worship of Tony Blair, acting like a lot of people are now acting in America with regards to Obama. But, since this delusion wore off with petrol strikes and no weapons of mass destruction to be found, many people have now subconsciously buried their prior idiocy in thinking Tony would save them from the monsters under their bed, by simply denying he ever existed.

Another side effect has been the reaction most people now have when you get them to try and say Tony's full name. We went to a high street and asked a man called Stuart to say Tony's name in full.

'I can't do it,' Stuart told us after saying Tony. 'I just can't do it, just thinking about it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach.'

We presented Stuart with a fiver to try again.

'Tony,' he struggled for a bit. 'Tony BLLLEEEAARRK!' Stuart threw up all over the pavement and shat his pants.

We left Stuart to tend to his briefs and tried with another person - an old woman called Mary.

'Tony BLLLEEEAARRK!' Mary hurled up chunks of diced carrot that flew a few yards before hitting a spotty teenager in the face.

'Tony,' struggled a single mother called Deborah, 'Tony BLLLEEEAARRK!' She threw up evenly over her six brats.

We even tried it ourselves, when we got back to the office - and we wished we hadn't! This was because (by 5pm) the office was covered in sick stains going up all the walls.

The next day, we got a top psychologist to tell us why this new phenomenon was happening.

'Tony BLLLEEAARRK!' he said, regurgitating sick everywhere.

After he cleaned up his mess he continued. 'This has something to do with people not wanting to admit that they've been scammed, conned and suckered into believing in lies. It is a self-defence mechanism, but it can also be a weakness. Simply put, people inflate their egos by living in denial of their previous mistakes. But this also means they become suckers time and time again in the future. But there is hope on the horizon though, as some people are feeling sick of Obama already - and he hasn't even officially taken over yet!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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