Curious George Charged in Murder of The Man With The Yellow Hat
New Yawk, NY-- One-time child star Curious George was charged with first-degree murder today by NYPD. Mr. George, 67, is charged with murdering his former keeper and housemate, the Man With The Yellow Hat, 96, in his SoHo penthouse.
Read full storyGore: All Essential Elements for Life to Be Taxed, Banned & Controlled.
Along with carbon, water vapour (the main greenhouse gas) is to be taxed and heavily controlled, as well as oxygen and sunlight.
Read full storyJon Voight and Angelina Jolie reconcile as Brangelina welcome arrival of identical twin girls! They have Brad's eyes and Angie's mouth says proud gramps Jon Voight
ILE D'AMOUR, FRANCE: Brad Pitt says Angelina Jolie is resting comfortably after having given birth to identical twin daughters. The proud father said he was extremely excited with the arrival of his 'new lad...
Read full storyBin Laden to US: 9/11 "Just a Joke"
Osama bin Laden has recently released a new video, though the mood of this latest has a mood far different from any of his previous ones. Apparently, the terrorist attacks on 9/11 were only meant as a practical joke.
Read full storyAngelina Jolie's phantom pregnancy ghosted by classic Womb Raider psychosis
France - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): French doctors have refused to perform an emergency caeserian on Angelina Jolie after ultrasound scans revealed nothing more than a fully-blown pseudocyesis.
Read full storyMr. Smyth Goes to Washington
Jack Smyth was born in a small mining town in the Southwestern United States. His early childhood schooling in grades K through six was average. Jack also hated to play tag at recess. During his high school years Jack barely passed history and managed to totally avoid math and any kind of science, but did receive a general high school diploma. The high school yearbook photograph shows a handsome s...
Read full storyPolygamist Prophet Former Stripper
SAN ANGELO, Texas (CNN) -- DNA swabs have been collected by Texas Officials from jailed polygamist sect leader Warren Jeffs. This is all part of the criminal investigation involving "spiritual marriages" to girls as young as 12. The surpris...
Read full storyBlimp-shaped object Spotted in Sky
A blimp-shaped object has been spotted in the sky off the coast of Canada, prompting locals to flee in terror, stock up on essential supplies and build bomb shelters.
Read full storyBradford man finds use for 'super'models
Damian D'Omen, a photgrapher and professinal train spotter from Bradford has discovered what is potentially the first ever real use for 'super'models.
Read full storyThe Political Correctness Songs
The Political Correctness Institute has decided to change the titles of many famous songs, as they are concerned one person might be offended by them somewhere. And so here are the top 10 politically correct songs: * 'The Laughing Vertically-Challenged Man With Equal Rights And Opportunities', David Bowie. * 'Stairway To An Unproven Afterlife Area Which May Or May Not...
Read full storyNo, no, no!
English singer Amy Winehouse is due to play at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday party, it was announced today.
Read full storyVatican Says Women Can't Be Priests & Should Stop Being So Uppity
(Vatican City) - The Vatican today announced that anyone attempting to ordain a woman into the priesthood would be excommunicated, as would the woman herself. The decree was signed by Cardinal William "Misogy" Levada, prefect of the congre...
Read full storySharon And The Philospher's Stone Movie To Appear
Sharon Stone is to star in a forthcoming release, Sharon And The Philosopher's Stone, Warmer Brothers announced today.
Read full storyJinx suspected as yet another NYC crane collapses
Upper East Side, NYC - (Disaster Mess): Just days after Londoners complained bitterly about the mysterious collapse of an 800-tonne bridge in the City's Liverpool Street Station their New York counterparts are in shock following their own spooky...
Read full storyCrime Figures On The Increase, Or Decrease, Depending On How You Look At It
Crime in the UK is soaring out of control, according to a report out today. But, in a complete contradiction, another report says crime levels have stabilised, and, if it is to be believed, could even be decr...
Read full storyGrail Movement sex slavery sect celebrates Festival of the Holy Dove
Brno, Czech Republic - (Demonic Mess): On the day when Christendom commemorates the ritual public immolation of St Joan of Arc a former Austro-Hungarian Empire sex slavery cult, the Grail Movement, is celebrating its greatest annual feastday...
Read full storyBarack Brings Out Campaign Song
Today Senator Barack Obama wrote new words to the Brecht/Weill composition 'The Alabama Song', previously performed by such artistes as The Doors and David Bowie, and here they are:...
Read full storyFranken: I started a joke which started the Dems crying
A week before Minnesota DFLers choose a U.S. Senate candidate, behind-the-scenes volcanism about a satirical article written eight years ago by candidate Al Franken has erupted into controversy about the nature of humour.
Read full storyAccent Crews Have 'Busiest Night Ever'
Accent and Emergency crews today had their 'busiest night ever' in Somerset, as homes in the worst-hit areas of the southern part of the county had to be evacuated.
Read full storyFeds' Manson ranch dig heads to Bush Senior's Midland back yard
Death Valley, California - (Fetid Mess): Federal agents have abandoned their excavations of Charles Manson's Barking Mad Ranch after a tip-off that more victims' bodies lie buried some 1,500 miles due south-east under the tribute art...
Read full storyRachel Ray Nabbed by Feds. Terrorist in Sheep's Clothing?
Whistle-blowing Dunking Donuts has pointed an accusatory finger at culinary cutie, Rachel Ray, and has sent her jihadist-scarved image to the FBI.
Read full storyTV Sport In Shock After Snooker 'Filth' Ban
(Defecated News) Sports-lovers were on shock last night after the BBC, ITV, SKY and BNP joined forces to ban snooker from TV. The move would create an unusual scenario where only radio stations would be allowed to give live commentary.
Read full storyBush Makes His Own Speech About Iraq
Today, in a first, President George W. Bush dispensed with his speech writers, and autocue machine, and decided to make his own speech about Iraq.
Read full storyTony Blair Faith Foundation bollox
London - (Holy Ass Mess): "Just remember, the Spanish Inquisition was the holy whore that spawned the Nazis," was the considered opinion of the UK's Serious & Disorganised Crime Agency today.
Read full storyBlack And White Minstrels To Stand In US Election
Showbiz legends the Black and White Minstrels are to stand for the post of American President.
Read full storyNew report says that rocket science is easy
Boffins at CERN have released the results of over two years of painstaking research to reveal that, contrary to popular belief, rocket science is not as complicated as most people think.
Read full storyFIA To Take Over The Grand National
Formula One's ruling body, the FIA, today announced that it is taking over the running of the Grand National. FIA Chief, Bernie Ecclestone, said: 'We will be organising the race next April, and will be introducing some new rules that have worked s...
Read full storyOasis admit major hit 'Roll with it' not written by Gallagher brothers
Liam and Noel Gallagher have shocked the entertainment world by admitting that their 1995 hit song "Roll with it" was not actually written by them.
Read full storyAlastair Darling Has A Bad Hair Dye Day
Today the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alastair Darling, had a tragically bad day with two bottles of hair dye. Forgetting that people's hair and eyebrows are usually the same colour, Mr. Darling absent-mindedly used white dye on his hair, but je...
Read full story'I Don't Live In The Past', Claims Sir Paul McCartney
Sir Paul McCartney today claimed that he doesn't live in the past. Managing not to talk about The Beatles for the first two minutes in this interview, he then began mentioning what he had been doing on the third of June in 1965. 'Yes', he said, '...
Read full storyGordon Brown gives 'For China' thumbs up
For many years an international pariah, China, with its new found wealth and status, has been attracting business interest from all around the world. Now business leaders have formed an organisation, 'For China', to promote China's inter...
Read full storyBush Condemns McClellan Book, Says 'It Is the President's Duty to Lie and Start Oil Wars'
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - President George Bush has condemned the new tell-all book by his former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan, saying "It is the president's duty to lie and start oil wars like I have done."...
Read full story"Sex in the City" single women really commuting "Desperate Housewives" from suburbia, says Dept. of Transportation study
Washington, DC - In a report released today from the Department of Transportation (DOT) on the traffic patters of cougars stalking their prey on company time, it found that 9 out 10 females that they surveyed, who claimed that they were having sex in...
Read full storyElection Canceled - Mexican Will Run Things
Washington DC (IPP) - Top Republican and Democratic party power brokers joined forces today and decided to outsource the American Presidency to a Mexican gentleman whose name is Jose Consuelo.
Read full storyUnveiled: Lunar Bra
Jet Propulsion Lavatory (Pasadena, Calif.) - Late 5 hours from the announced schedule, reporters grasped their breath as Houston unveiled himself into the podium wearing the long time controversial lunar bra.
Read full storySharon Stone reaps the whirlwind in wake of quake
French fashion house Christian Dio'r Priced says it is dropping mammary-prominent peroxide actress Sharon 'ice pick' Stone from its advertisements after her remarks referring to a recent devastating event as an "earthquake&qu...
Read full story