Mr. Smyth Goes to Washington

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Friday, 30 May 2008

Jack Smyth was born in a small mining town in the Southwestern United States. His early childhood schooling in grades K through six was average. Jack also hated to play tag at recess. During his high school years Jack barely passed history and managed to totally avoid math and any kind of science, but did receive a general high school diploma. The high school yearbook photograph shows a handsome smiling Jack with the caption " He can sell you anything."

Jack's lack of interest in studying Medicine, Engineering, Science, Mining, or obtaining a placement to a US Military Academy led him to consider liberal arts. Jack managed to meet the entry requirements of a small Midwestern liberal arts college, where he received a Bachelor of Arts degree in Zoology.

Jack's college buddies had all gone into selling real estate, stocks and bonds, managing fast food restaurants or had begun working for their Father in Laws. Jack realized there wasn't much demand for Zoologists, unless he went to Africa or the Arctic. Instead, Jack went to Law School at night, while starting his own real estate business in the college town.

When Jack's real estate business failed, he was forced to look for new employment. Jack bumped into an old college buddy (at a bar) who had become a state representative and greatly expounded on the virtues of Public Service. Jack seemed disinterested, until his buddy said that no experience was necessary. Jack took the hint and with his buddy's help became the state representative for his district. (Jack's background check was impeccable as he had never had any illicit affairs with women, men or farm animals.) After a single term in the state legislature, his party took notice of Jack, for some unknown reason, and asked him to run for a seat in the US House of Representatives. Jack's House victory was a landslide.

Mr. Smyth had no background knowledge or experience in key areas such as energy, stem cells, climate change, military matters, budgets and finance, the justice system, the US Constitution, health care, mortgages and foreign affairs. Since he had no conflicts of interests Jack was asked to serve on all the key US House committees. Interested in his career opportunities as an aspiring politician Jack went along with the whims and follies of his party's leadership. He didn't want to become another back bencher who was there to do the people's business. Jack Served four terms in the US House and was eventually chosen Speaker of the US House of Representatives.

His party put Jack up for the US Senate seat being vacated by a seven term Senator who had become senile. Jack easily captured the seat often citing "what this nation needs is change" during the campaign. Jack employed the same strategy in the Senate that had advanced his career in the House. Additionally, Jack discovered activist causes including poor people, illegal immigrants, crazy environmentalists, animal rights, Vegans and any cause that makes newspaper headlines. Jack's credo being lobbyists no, activists yes!

Mr. Smyth has been reelected to the US Senate for several consecutive terms, has become the US Senate Majority Leader and his party is considering him as their next presidential candidate.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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