Along with carbon, water vapour (the main greenhouse gas) is to be taxed and heavily controlled, as well as oxygen and sunlight.
People will be issued with four cards, the carbon card, the water card, the oxygen card and the sunlight card. Each of these cards will be issued with yearly limits on how much each slave, sorry we mean citizen, can have.
Points will be deducted from each card every time a peon, sorry again, we mean citizen, uses their car, heats their home, boils the kettle, takes a bath, drinks something, eats something that grows by photosynthesis, gets a suntan and on each and every breath we all take.
Special introductory credits have also been arranged for keep fit fanatics and athletes, who may need to breathe more during training and sporting events. There will also be a tax on how much carbon is in the grass on your lawn, the plants in your pots, the food in your fridge, the bodies of you, your wife and your kids and all the other carbon based things that make up all life on earth.
'Hopefully,' Gore told us, 'we can eventually ban all life on this planet and turn it into a lifeless frozen ball of ice. Then, the debate on global warming will truly be over.'
