Dubai Offers $300M US for Orange County, CA; Plans Palestinian Resettlement
LONDON -- With cash coffers overflowing from oil sales, the Municipality of Dubai, UAE offered $300Million US to puchase Orange County California, including "all land, improved and otherwise".
Read full storyBrown Even Worse Than Simpering Blair
British Prime Yawnister, Gordon Accountant, has officially been declared the worst Prime Minister in the last thousand years. Speaking from his twelve-million pound council house, Lionel Blair said: 'Look, OK, you thought I was a big girl's blous...
Read full storyGordon Brown Denies Being A Clown
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown today denied he was a clown.
Read full storyHospitalized Ted Kennedy Sees Mary Jo Kopechne's Ghost
Ted Kennedy was airlifted to a Boston hospital after what could possibly have been a stroke (or another bump on the head after being falling down drunk again). While being treated by a trauma team in the emergency room, the Massachusetts Senator was...
Read full storyBarack Obama Has False Teeth
Senator Barack O'Bama, famous for giving meaningless soundbites and flashing his teeth, has announced that these teeth are actually dentures.
Read full storyNobby Kids Of Total Boredom
Eighties boyband Nobby Kids Of Total Boredom performed their first concert in 14 years to legions of screaming fans who could not believe it cost ten pounds to hear an out-of-date maniac warble into a microphone.
Read full storyReverend Jeremiah Wright Named New Head of NAACP
Former pastor to Barack Obama and controversial minister Jeremiah Wright was announced today as the new head of the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People). After his recent statements that gave him such negative publicity...
Read full storyChinese nuclear warhead fuel seeps into Three Gorges Dam
Yangtze River, Sandouping - (Seismic Mess): Millions of gallons of radioactive contaminants have seeped into China's fabled Three Gorges Dam following a series of seismic aftershocks.
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Accepts Hugh Hefner's Offer
Miley Cyrus finally responded to Hugh Hefner's offer to pose nude for Playboy and her answer is "YES!"...
Read full storyTony Romo Dumps Jessica Simpson
Dallas Cowboy starting quarterback Tony Romo has called it quits with singer/actress/model/blond bombshell Jessica Simpson. The football player was seen escorting American Idol runner up Kellie Pickler into a Fort Worth nightclub yesterday. When...
Read full storySen. Ted Kennedy shot by sniper while ordering breakfast
Sen. Edward Kennedy was rushed to a hospital in Cape Code, Massachusetts this morning with an apparent gunshot wound, his office confirmed.
Read full storyHarry Potter Thrown Out The Marital Home.
Harry Potter, father of three and formally know as 'the boy who lived', is in the dog house with his wife of 16 years Ginny Potter.
Read full storyUgly Person Accidentally Appears In Teen Movie
HOLLYWOOD - Producers here are apologizing to audiences today after they allowed an ugly person to appear in their teen movie entitled "Good-Looking People Get Killed Because of Technology." "We are very embarrassed," said Milton Lee, Director and...
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo has brain operation to improve balance
Cristiano Ronaldo has undergone a career saving operation on his skull. The pioneering treatment by renowned Greek brain surgeon Andreas Theodorakis Papadopoulos is to help keep the young upright.
Read full storyBush Woos Same Sex Republican Voter with Marriage Proposal
In an unexpected break with the administration's previous position, President Bush announced today that after considerable prayer on the subject, he has changed mind and would support same sex marriages in the future.
Read full storyWoman who Lost Her Virginity is Dating Guy Who Lost His Car Keys
It was an unlikely alliance: Mary Smyth, the 19 year old college student who recently lost her virginity in the back of a rusty 1964 Volkswagen Beetle meeting and falling in love with used car salesman Jim Browne who lost the...
Read full storyZac Efron admits he's pregnant!
What's up with Zac Efron? He's been seen walking around holding his stomach, looking pale & exhausted.
Read full storyCardiff City Miss The FA Cup Final
Cardiff City failed to turn up for the FA Cup Final on May 17th.
Read full storyEnglish comma to be replaced
As part of its annual review of the ever evolving English language, a spokesperson for the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) has announced that the word 'Yaknow' is to be added to the next edition.
Read full storyTexas now clear favorite for world ecclesiastical child molester HQ
Bryan, Texas - (Lurid Ass Mess): Texas has overtaken the Vatican City as top global child molester hotspot with this week's arrest of yet another church minister on online child solicitation charges.
Read full storyDisabled trainee fireman sues Health and Safety Executive
A disabled trainee fireman, who has been training at a fire station for the past 6 years, is suing the Health and Safety Executive because they are banning him from qualifying as a fireman.
Read full storySnopes debunks Ron Paul Myth
"Ron Paul is a complete fabrication of the internet. He never actually existed but the idea of Ron Paul was enough to keep him alive in the feeble minds of internet forum nerds." said the Snopes website today.
Read full storyCherie comforts herself with 7ft latex Pope doll during Tony's travels
London - (Rubber Ass Mess): With Tony Blair away ministering to his burgeoning offshore bank accounts Cherie often finds comfort in a 7ft blow-up latex effigy of her husband's new boss Pope Joe Ratzinger, according to a memoir published next week...
Read full storyFA Cup Final To Go Ahead Despite Boredom Fears
Today's FA Cup Final between Portsmouth and Cardiff City is to be allowed to go ahead despite fears that it may turn out to be the most boring game of football ever to be televised.
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo In Confusing Message Confusion
There was much shock, astonishment and other types of surprise at Old Trafford today, when Manchester United winger Cristiano Ronaldo indicated that he may not be at the club much longer.
Read full storyGay Country Singer Causing Rednecks, Hicks to Question Their Sexuality
NAHSVILLE, TN - At first glance Julian looks like your typical country music star. He's got the cowboy hat pulled low, the sleeves of his Western shirt rolled to his elbows, and his boots brightly polished. On further inspection, however, one n...
Read full storyHull City Fans To Watch Championship Final On Giant TV Screen In Bristol
Fans of Hull City, the hardest in the Championship, have said that, rather than travelling to Wembley for the play-off Final, they will watch the game on a giant TV screen in Bristol city centre to facilitate maximum violence...
Read full storyAmerica's Rich Will Finally Pay for Brave Soldiers' Sacrifice!
Rich Chicken hawks have made big bucks on America's wars from the Revolution to Bush-Cheney's WMDLESS Crusade in Iraq. They keep their children safe and sound and usually drugged or drunk in some Ivy League Ivory Tower while the working class...
Read full storyObama Declares We Have Peace in Our Time!
After meetings with every terrorist SOB on the planet, BH Obama deplaned in London and declared to all who would listen that we now had peace in our time. Peacemaker Barack found that the almost eight years of macho Bushit was completely unnecessary...
Read full storyJohnny McBush Runs as Clairvoyant Candidate!
Repub likely Candie Johnny McBush appeared on Fox News being interviewed by undead expert, Karl Rove. McBush was seated before a crystal ball with a dew rag decorated with moons and stars on his ancient head. Rove looking like he hadn't sucked bl...
Read full storyMcCain Promises to Win the War in Iraq by 2013, Cure Cancer by 2018
COLUMBUS, OH - John McCain predicts that by 2013, the Iraq war will be won, the American economy will once again be booming, and he, John McCain, will have personally captured Osama bin Laden and strangled that "Taliban rat-bastard" to deat...
Read full storyIs Recent Quake in Sichuan Province in China a Foreboding for the Beijing Olympic Games?
The recent earthquake in southwestern China, specifically, in the capitol and vicinity of Chengdu of Sichuan Province has already killed over 20,000. There may be 30,000 additional deaths. Over 70,000 have been injured and many are still unaccounted...
Read full storyEmma Watson experiences first orgasm
Emma Watson, the 18-year-old who played the female temptress Hermione Grange in the Harry Potter movies, excitedly exclaimed to family and friends that she had her first orgasm last night as she was watching television in her room.
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