English comma to be replaced

Funny story written by tonybee

Saturday, 17 May 2008

image for English comma to be replaced
OED to include 'Yaknow'

As part of its annual review of the ever evolving English language, a spokesperson for the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) has announced that the word 'Yaknow' is to be added to the next edition.

Speaking from OED headquarters, "It is evident that there is a separate strand of English developing as used by sports stars in interviews. It seems that 'yaknow' is being used more and more as a substitute for the natural pause."

Speaking further, "we are also recommending that the comma, the punctuation most close to the natural pause in the written form of the language yaknow, be replaced with the 'yaknow' ... from January 2009, when reading aloud, the pause indicated by the presence of the comma should be audibly pronounced 'yaknow'"

Education Minister Ed Balls has welcomed the move, "the comma yaknow is very confusing to school children yaknow..by replacing it with the 'yaknow' yaknow, we are brining the spoken language more in line with the way wot it is bin spoken by yaknow sporting role models"

Balls went on to announce that the 'th' sound will be replaced with the 'ff' since the 'th' sound is almost redundant in spoken English. Speaking from Westminster, Balls said, "there is nuffin new about this yaknow ffis is goin on all ffe time and ffose who are always moanin and dissin wot we do yaknow are just a load of borin mingers"

Buckingham Palace are said to be appalled at the apparent dumbing-down of the language. Prince Charles commented on the news as "typical of the erosion of our national heritage and symptomatic of the eradication of our great imperial legacy like wot our grandfathers enjoyed innit, yaknow"

Commenting in LA, Football legend and world superstar David Beckham was not in favour of the move, commenting, "By Jove!, this is absolutely appaling what!, I for one will be most offended as will my most dear spouse Victoria. One is not amused by these quintessentially modern and new fangled developments in our great language....Hussar Hussar!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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