Europe Launches First Shuttle Mission
Kourou, French Guiana (IPP) - The Europeon Space Agency (ESA) launched an Ariane rocket from Europe's space port in South America. The Ariane is piloted by Mexican astronauts. ESA has been outsourcing its astronaut jobs in order to save money.
Read full storyExoplanet Delta Orionis in State of Crisis
Pasadena, California (IPP) - Search for Extraterrestial Intelligence (SETI) Technicians monitoring the M42 and M43 region of the Orion constellation discovered the Exoplanet Delta Orionis last October. They had encountered promising signals from th...
Read full storyMcCain Picks Finootch for VP
Washington, DC (IPP) - John McCain announced this afternoon that he had picked Dr. Povenmire Finootch as his choice to run along side of him as Vice President. "It looks like a McCain-Finootch ticket", was the word circulating through the...
Read full storyJimmy Carter, former President and Habitat for Humanity Volunteer, throws his hat into the ring for the Democratic Presidential Nomination; "I'll build a new House for the Democratic Party," says Carter
Washington, DC - Jimmy Carter is the latest to throw his hat into the ring for the Democratic Party Presidential nomination this week. He made his decision after attending a strategy meeting, the same meeting that AL Gore attended earlier in the day...
Read full storyWater Boarding Proven Ineffective-Scientist Says "Duh!"
Scientists have just finished experiments that tested the effectiveness of water-boarding. The results, horrible, without any trace of evidence that it even worked prior to terrorist testing as a form of interrogation.
Read full storyBarack Obama and Hillary Clinton in hair pulling contest.
At a rancorous debate this afternoon, Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama went from simple name-calling to hair pulling with Obama soundly defeating his Democratic rival.
Read full storyMcCain, Huckabee, Paul Wrestle For World Heavyweight Title
OSCEOLA, Iowa -- There was an electricity in there air Friday night on WWE Smackdown like the wrestling world has never seen before. Three presidential contenders battled it out in a no-holds-barred three-way cage match for the World Heavyweight titl...
Read full storyDr. Phil has nervous breakdown during taping of his show psychoanalyzing reasons for Miley Cyrus's name change
Hollywood, California - Although Miley Cyrus's name change barely registering on the media's radar as a blip, Dr. Phil may have just finished taping his last show dedicated to examining the tidbits of the fractured life of yet another celebri...
Read full storyAl Quaeda mass-recruiting vegetables
Afghanistan: Across the afghan border, somewhere in the middle of the vast expanse of golden-yellow sand, we found a rather unexpected inhabitant in the desert. It was green, it was mean, and yes, it wasn't clean.
Read full storyPennDOT wins Best Sounding DOT Award
The Pennsylvania Department of Transportation, also known as PennDOT, has been awarded the nation's 2008 Best Sounding DOT Award. Every state in the U.S. has a department of transportation and each shortens the name to the first sylable of the st...
Read full storyPresley sues over phantom pregnancy jibes
California - (Fat Ass Mess): Lisa Marie Presley is suing celebrity-watch paper LA FagHagSlagMag over stories that her phantom pregnancy has made her into a corpulent 25-stone laughingstock gargoyle.
Read full storyDick Cheney Invites PGA golfer, Tripp Isenhour, to Bush's Ranch for Duck Hunting; looks forward to picking up some hunting tips from Tripp
Washington, DC - The Office of Vice Prudent, Dick Cheney, confirmed today that Pro Golfer, Tripp Isenhour, has been officially invited to Bush's ranch in Waco, Texas for some duck hunting. The announcement came shortly after Cheney learned of Ise...
Read full storyBritney Spears: Picking her nose!
Britney Spears has been caught picking her nose! Since last month, she was caught picking her nose on a regular basis. Her doctor, Dr. Harris Bopeep is not quite sure what to do about it.
Read full storyAL Gore makes a surprise announcement for his bid for the Democratic Party Presidential Nomination
Washington, DC - Originally approached by the Democratic Party bosses to settle the brouhaha between Barack and Hillary so as to defuse inter party squabbling that threatens to alienate Democratic pelage delegates, Superdelegates and the rank and fil...
Read full story'Bigbullshit' Hits Internet
Babelfish, the translation service from Alta Vista is to launch an exciting new service in the summer that will help the global community of internet users.
Read full storyKate Nash and Leona Lewis team up for Terry's Chocolate Orange campaign
Pop divas Kate Nash and Leona Lewis are said to be on the brink of signing a multi million pound sponsorship deal to promote Terry's Chocolate Oranges to a worldwide audience.
Read full storyObama: "I would not hesitate to invade Canada if they pull out of NAFTA"
JACKSON,MS - Presidential hopeful Senator Barack Obama made the remark, when asked to comment on a leaked Canadian government report questioning the benefits Canada gets from NAFTA. The report purportedly suggests renegotiating the agreement with the...
Read full storyMicrosoft admit programming bugs into their software and hardware!!!!
in a shock statement released today Microsoft have admitted programming bugs into their software for computers.
Read full storyKids told swearing at Puppet Monarch is OK
London - (Ass Mess): Schoolchildren have been given the green light to swear at the cold war tribute act known as the Puppet Monarch.
Read full storyNerd Removes Spectacles and Becomes Super Hunk
14 year old Billy was the butt of many school pranks and beatings but all that changed earlier today when he removed his spectacles and revealed himself to be a super stud.
Read full storyWhitehall special effects department suspected as 'Civil Serf' does a Gnarly
Cyberspace - (Rioters): Whitehall's fantasy factory special effects department is the prime suspect behind the sudden disappearance of a UK government civil servant's damning blog.
Read full storyUgly protests sour Milf Milk launch
'Milf Milk' was launched today amidst howls of derision from seemingly tens of thousands of ugly women.
Read full storyPro Golfer, Tripp Isenhour, named Fish and Game Magazine's "Hunter" of the Year
Aurora, Colorado - It is not all bad news for PGA golfer, Tripp Isenhour. After having been accused of animal cruelty by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission for killing a red-shouldered hawk, a bird listed on the endangered species...
Read full storyBush Adopts Stringent Interrogation Limits
Washington D.C. - President George "Good Job Browny" Bush today announced new stringent and humane limits on interrogation techniques to be employed against suspected terrorists, speeders, jaywalkers and others suspected of seditious acts threatening...
Read full storyDefying the Odds: 28-Year Old Single Mother Receives Columbia Univ. Degree despite Three Children
In 2004, 25-year old Jackie Johansson saw her future dimming. Lacking education beyond high-school, dependent upon her live-in attorney husband for sustenance, and saddled with three unplanned children, Jackie was desperate.
Read full storySeasickness, hurricanes and relentless fag hagging batter Camilla's Caribbean cruise
Caribbean - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Camilla is sick to the pit of her stomach. Five days of non-stop tropical storms, seasickness and having to share the custom-built waterbed with her Pretender spouse have left her on a gin drip and Prozac supposit...
Read full story