Kate Nash and Leona Lewis team up for Terry's Chocolate Orange campaign

Funny story written by Bertrand Sedgley-Smythe

Sunday, 9 March 2008


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image for Kate Nash and Leona Lewis team up for Terry's Chocolate Orange campaign
Nash wolfs down another one

Pop divas Kate Nash and Leona Lewis are said to be on the brink of signing a multi million pound sponsorship deal to promote Terry's Chocolate Oranges to a worldwide audience.

The first of a series of commercials is reported to recycle the phrase: "When you whack a Terry's Chocolate Orange, Good Things Happen", this time set in a recording studio where Nash and Lewis are 'laying down some tracks'. After cracking open an orange on the mixing desk, Nash and Lewis look at each other knowingly, and then embrace, and kiss.

The saucy new TV advert has caused outrage among some TV audiences that are said to be disgusted with its lesbotic undertones. According to Milton Kenyes Borough Council, one angry tenant is said to have kicked in their TV screen in after watching it, and now faces a £300 repair bill from the council.

Ginger pop princess Nash said: "To get any sort of reaction to your work is good. We spent a long time in the studio getting the vibe right. Overall, we must have eaten 30 or more chocolate oranges, which was nice, but unfortunately caused me to break out in spots, hence the heavy make up on the closing scenes."

Nash continued: "I agreed to do this partly because I think it helps to make a statement - that female isn't a genre, and that people from different backgrounds can live and work together in racial, musical and sexual harmony."

Leona Lewis currently occupies the No.1 chart position in 2543 countries, breaking the previous record set by world music ensemble Bumgravy. On making the racy advert, she said: "I had a great time with Kate, and we got to eat lots of chocolate together. We also watched some softcore lesbian DVDs to get us in the mood, which was fun."

A spokesperson for Dutch manufacturer Kraft, who took over production of Chocolate Oranges in 2005, stated: "We are thrilled to have Kate and Leona star in our latest campaign, which we are sure will help to sell our flagship confection to emerging markets."

When asked if he thought the advertisement was too explicit be shown to TV audiences, he stated: "You mean the lesbian thing? No. We can pretty much get away with kissing, and hands brushing against the tits sort of stuff, but the the full on bean flicking is edited out for TV, and can only be seen at cinemas and through viral campaigns. We have yet to receive any serious level of complaints, other than the usual nutters."

The positive consumer reaction to Joss Stone's 'Flake' commercial for Cadbury's has led to a range of pop celebrity/chocolate sponsorship deals, including Green Day and Black Sabbath teaming up to promote Green and Blacks, and a new Bounty Bar campaign featuring Bloc Party and Kid Creole and the Coconuts.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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