Giant Squid Reported in Lake Okeechobee
Rita Island, Florida (IPP) - Authorities near Lake Okeechobee, Florida have been receiving numerous reports that a giant squid has been seen lurking near Rita Island at the south end of Lake Okeechobee. Catfish fisherman are hunting for the giant...
Read full storyTerrorists Arrested In Lancashire Merely For Saying They Wanted To Kill Blair And Brown!
Greater Manchester Police arrested three men in Lancashire today, when they discovered that the trio wanted to kill ex-PM Tony Blair and present incumbent Gordon Brown. Two of the arrests were made at Manchester Airport and the other in Accrington...
Read full storyGlasgow gets city of violence award
Glasgow was today named a United Nations City of Violence, and the honour was bestowed on it by the UN cultural body Unazico's chairman, Henry von Kissinger. 'For too long Scotland's achievements at violence have been unjustly igonored by Unazico'...
Read full storyPutin Compelled To See Shrink After Humiliating Withdrawal from Georgia
Hey, cut the guy some slack! Vladimir Putin is just an ex-KGB agent and onetime murderer for that hated security agency that had once boasted 2 miilion bad guys within its ranks. Putin is now a wimpering pussycat. Just relax World! Putin still awa...
Read full storyCarol Vorderman Sacked for Cheating?
Consonant, Y... Vowel, O... Consonant, Y... Vowel, O... Consonant, Y... Vowel, O...Consonant, Y... Vowel, O... Consonant, Y. That's...YOYOYOYOY. A good question; why oh why did Carol Vorderman decide to leave channel 4's long-running quiz show, count...
Read full storyHome Secretary bans Glitter
Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has reacted strongly to the return of Gary Glitter to the UK. As he made his way through Heathrow following his deportation from Vietnam, Thailand and Hong Kong, a smiling Gary Glitter, clutching the childrens swimwear...
Read full storyKim Carnes Returns with "Marty Feldman Eyes"
Anybody remember one hit wonder Kim Carnes? You know, that gravel voiced masculine looking blonde woman who had a huge hit in the early 80's with "Bette Davis Eyes"? Well, according to the latest issue of Boredbill magazine, she is making a comeback.
Read full storyRoyal family show off their crown jewels
A Buckingham Palace memo finalising the arrangements of the Queen and HRH Prince Phillip's forthcoming holiday plans have been leaked, it was announced last night. Plans are afoot for the royal pair to spend one week of their summer holiday at an...
Read full storySolar Cycle 24 Canceled - Ham Radio Operators Furious
Dayton, Ohio (IPP) - The next solar cycle was assigned the number 24 but has been canceled by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Scientists were able to predict that this cycle would have been 30% to 50% stronger than the previous solar cyc...
Read full storyMichael Jackson benefit gig for cash-strapped Glitter
Los Angeles - (Wacko Mess): Singer Michael Jackson has pledged to sing at a London benefit concert for cash-strapped former glamrock singer Gary Glitter, 69, according to reports. Jackson told reporters today he knows how it feels to be on your up...
Read full storyGary Glitoris sex offender register signature up on eBay for £1 million
London - (Lurid Ass Mess): Sordid ex-glamrock sex offender Gary Glitter's signature on the UK's Register of Seriously Deranged Wackos has been offered up for auction for £1 million. "This is a classic autograph collector's item," the auction site'...
Read full storyJack Nicholson livid at ex-CIA spook's Angelina Jolie, Sen John Edwards paternity claims
Los Angeles - (Overactive Prostate Gland Mess): Hollywood's top cold war lothario and random inseminator of pointless randy women Jack Nicholson is spitting venom. A former top CIA official says Bill Clinton ordered a cover-up of the Cuckoo's Nest...
Read full storyBuilder Bob Arrested
The entertainment world woke up to some shocking news today as it appears children's entertaining Builder, Bob has been arrested. Several rumours are going around claiming he was arrested for Domestic Violence and even more absurdly that he is in fac...
Read full storyCat may hold clue to clawing back data loss
Red-faced ministers and assorted other idiots losing sensitive data may have Twinkle the cat to thank after TheSpoof.com discovered him playing with a new dangly toy. Until now, ministers had been considering using the Trades Descriptions Act to sue...
Read full storyDog the Bounty Hunter to Track Down UK Benefit Cheats
Department of Work and Pensions minister James Plaskitt, has defended Government plans to appoint mullet-headed Hawaiian crime fighter Dog Chapman and his enormous-breasted wife Beth, as figureheads of a new initiative to track down benefit cheats.
Read full storyBritish Boxer James DeGale Is Little Brother Of Big Brother Alex
British Olympic middleweight boxer James DeGale won through to the final of his event today, and guaranteed himself at least a silver medal when he fights Cuba's Emilio Correa tomorrow, but faces an even sterner task on his return from Beijing. De...
Read full storyMore Politicians Embellish VN War Records - VA Uncovers More Fraud
Atlantic City, Nj/Newark Star Ledger - This New Jersey seaside and gambling resort suffered yet another blow to its image when Mayor Robert Levy was convicted of inflating his Army Service Record and claiming disability payments. Dubbed "The Missi...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse and Pete Doherty Sing "Welcome Home" To Gary Glitter
Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty have just recorded a single for immediate release. They have covered the 1973 number one hit by Peters and Lee - "Welcome Home" and with the expected outcry from the British media to help it along, it is expected to be...
Read full storyGary Glitter to marry 2008 Chinese Olympic gymnast
1970s glam rocker Gary Glitter, 64, whose real name is Paul Gadd, is to wed My Ding Aling, a member of the 2008 Olympic gold medal winning Chinese gymnastic team. Gary Glitter told authorities that this proved that the terrible rumors of him being...
Read full storyJohnny Depp returns to Stupid School
Johnny Depp has returned to school after close friend Tim Burton doubts in his ability to play an idiot. "You've lost your touch," Burton, 49, was heard to exclaim to Depp, 45, after the actor infamous for his darkly humorous role in Sweeney Todd...
Read full story2008 Olympics Latest: Gary Glitter To Compete In Marathon
In the most astonishing development yet in the 'Gary Glitter Saga', it has been announced that the filthy, disgusting paedophile will take part in Sunday's Olympic Marathon in Beijing. Glitter, real name Shitter, hasn't stopped running since his r...
Read full storyBrian McFadden Collects Kids From Bankrupt Kerry Katona
Fat wanker Brian McFadden, who famously ditched his wife and kids after losing weight, has announced that he will be flying back to the U.K to collect his half of Kerry Katona's kids. Chinwobbler McFadden, who lives abroad with Delta Goodbum in an...
Read full storyDeGeneres - Nigella Ruined My Wedding
Friends of celebrity lesbians Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi report that the rug-munching pair are "outraged" that their star spangled celebrity wedding on Saturday was "ruined" when British raven-haired temptress, Nigella Lawson, ate one of Hil...
Read full storyKerry Katona Bankrupt-Embraces Poverty
Pointless chav Kerry Katona has been made bankrupt overnight, the Inland Revenue has revealed. The dozy Mancunian who suffers from bipolar disorder, slapper syndrome and an abnormally large gob, said only last week that she was rolling in it and stil...
Read full storyOlympic Flame Carbon Print Banned By Gore - Plant life Protests.
Nutty enviro-MENTAL-ist Al Gore has been shouting all week about the huge Olympic Flame, burning away on top of the Birds Nest Stadium since the 2008 Olympic Games started, but no one has been paying any attention to him - even though he seems to hav...
Read full storyGary Glitter to become Santa Claus
The worlds favourite convicted kiddy tickler, Gary Glitter, has revealed some of his plans to revive his flagging career. Starting off with a tour of the UK's shopping centres during the upcoming festive season, Gary plans to perform the role of S...
Read full storyRoger Federer Visits Witch Doctor in Kenya
Kenya - In an attempt to exercise the bad spirits of his worst year in tennis since he turned 20, Roger Federer has visited a remote village in Kenya. There he sought out the advice of a tribal witch Dr. nicknamed "Mongo". According to local sourc...
Read full storyBNP Member receives Nobel Peace Prize nomination
Reginald Noblaques, the BNP councillor for Haytefulle, in Lincolnshire, has today been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize by some of his supporters in the ward. Noblaques swept to victory in the last local elections having sucessfully threatened hi...
Read full storyUK Resident Mohammed BinYAHHHH! Had His Penis Cut by British MI 5 and US Gitmo Razor Blade!
In a classic case of penis envy, US and UK spies, spooks and psychologists were deeply involved in the re-circumcision of Mohammed BinYAHHHH! The Ethiopian national has been awarded the Guinness Book of Records Award for being tortured by more co...
Read full storyGuardian America Defaces Mount Rushmore!
British newspaper The Guardian has been trying to break into the US market for years. The development of Guardian America, a London Guardian press perspective on the colonies seemed like the break through break the journal has been seeking. Tha...
Read full storyBernabeu Whore House to Pimp Robinho for 32M FU's
No lady of the night has ever been auctioned off for this much money but Brazilian Robinho and Pimp Real Madrid have become the high priced lay of the sporting world. Former Red Sox Manny Maniac Ramirez carries a price tag close and A-Rod was bought...
Read full storyBoris Johnson to Redesign Telephone Boxes as Public Loos
London - Mayor Boris Johnson has come up with a novel solution to the shortage of public loos in downtown London for tourists and shoppers. The historic red telephone box designed by Sir Giles Gilbert Scott is to be redesigned as a loo under the KX10...
Read full storyPrice of Oil Skyrockets After Bigfoot Hoax Exposed
The world market price of crude oil jumped to $187 per barrel in response to the revelation that the discovery of Bigfoot's remains was a hoax. Within minutes, the average price of gasoline nationwide soared to $6.99 and 9/10 per gallon. FoxNew...
Read full storySeinfeld Microsoft Ad Sneak Preview
Jerry Seinfeld's upcoming ad for Microsoft may surprise you. After getting beaten down by Apple's successful branding ads showing a "cool" Mac guy versus a nerdy PC guy, Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer are finally fighting back. The advertising schem...
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