Bush to run for third term under pseudonym
George W. Bush is considering seeking a third term in the White House, under a new name. White House lawyers, befuddled by this turn of events, are busily reviewing constitutional law. According to W, the idea came to him from God in a waking dream,...
Read full storyBill Clinton: My Iraq ambassadorship dread
London - (Rotters): Bill Clinton has told a packed London audience that he dreads the day when wife Hillary becomes President "and then plays a blinder" by appointing him as US ambassador to Iraq "to get even for that Monica Lewinski business."...
Read full storyDissappointing Box Office for Citizen Kane 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold
Last weeks box office totals are in and the fim Citizen Kane 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold opened to an overall weak reception.
Read full storyPresident Bush declares; "I'm on a mission from God!"
President Bush is laying the groundwork for an American Theocracy.(The groundwork pieces are from a giant Leggos set his Daddy bought him for Christmas.)...
Read full storySun Reporter Stalked by Prince William
A photographer for the Sun Newspaper revealed that he was considering taking legal action against Prince William and his on-off girlfriend, Kate Middleton, following a number of incidents that he claimed 'invaded his priv...
Read full storyMcDonalds Fined Millions For Importing Sex Trade Workers
Super-healthly family-friendly burger chain McDonalds has been fined millions today following a ruling in the supreme court.
Read full story'Dead Prince Harry' is this year's Turner Prize nomination
London Design Museum - (Ass Mess): The top nomination for this year's Turner Prize is an exhibit called 'Dead Prince Harry' featuring the Puppet Monarchy's ginger nut, resplendent in full military dress uniform, and dead as a Dodo.
Read full storyShimon Perez: "Madonna is my daughter"
Tel Aviv - (Reuterus): Israeli President Shimon Perez has said that an exact DNA match between himself and 'ambassador for Judaism' Madonna points to just one thing:...
Read full storyJews told: "Stop calling Jesus a bastard!"
Chicago - (Blasphemous Mess): The Chief Rabbi of Illinois has said the Archbishop of Chicago has pleaded with him to ask fellow Jews to "stop calling Jesus a bastard".
Read full storyDiana Inquest Slams Sorbonne's Henri Paul Motoring Skills Professorship
Royal Courts of Justice - (Coronary Mess): The Coroner's Inquest into the death of Diana, Princess of Wales has issued a formal statement deploring a French decision which would allow the Parisian Sorbonne university to go ahead with pro...
Read full storyBritney names new album: Psychotic Episode
Los Angeles, California - (DumbBlonde Mess): Britney Spears' first solo album in four years entitled Psychotic Episode is to be released on Halloween next month.
Read full storyMichael Owen Called Up By England Despite Horrific List Of Injuries
Michael Owen has been included in the England squad for the vital Euro 2008 qualifying games against Estonia and Russia, despite the fact that he is injured.
Read full storyElvis Reveals he was Alive All Along and in Contention for Identity Fraud Tsar Role
In a series of astonishing and seemingly unrelated developments, dead pelvis-thrusting singer Elvis Presley has announced his intention to apply for the position of Identity Theft Tsar as recommended by a Parliamenta...
Read full storyRunaway cow blamed for the desecration of Glastonbury tor
The runaway cow shot by armed police in South Devon has now been blamed for the desecration of Glastonbury tor.
Read full storyPagans declare war on Fathers 4 Justice
Tensions between members of the pagan community and leaders of lobby group Fathers 4 Justice have sparked an angry row over the desecration of two iconic monuments.
Read full storyDiana Was Pregnant - Inquest
The inquest trying desperately to decide whether or not Princess Diana was pregnant when she died, has heard that she had told close friends that, indeed she was, and that the drunken French chauffeur Henri P...
Read full storyMcDonalds Offers Strip Search, Molestation Incentives to Management
McDonalds Corp. is delving into reality-based porno as a sideline to its already popular burger restaurants. Recently McDonalds offered its store managers the freedom to strip search and sexually molest employees at will.
Read full storyMarion Jones guilty plea discloses method of discovery of steroids use: caught exiting the men's restroom at the Federal building
Los Angeles, California - FBI agents became suspicious of Marion Jones' consistent denials that she did not use steroids during the 2000 Sydney Olympics but then they received copies of letters she sent to family and friends admitting as much. Ho...
Read full storySun to be Shut Down for Maintenance
Greenwich, England (IP) - The sun will be shut down for a few hours Sunday morning for routine maintenance. People are being urged to sleep in and are being asked not to inundate observatories, and government offices with silly questions when the Su...
Read full storyBugs Disrupt Indian-Yankees Game
Cleveland, Ohio (IP) - Bugs disrupted an Indians-Yankee game in Cleveland last night. There were so many bugs that they were picking up the players and dropping them from mid air while in flight.
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