The Tribal Council
The new chief of the tribe, Tongue-Without-Shame, spoke first, using the broken English his for-fathers used in the televised western serials of long ago.
Read full storySailors Mistaken Giant Squid for Giant Penis
News of the Weird, USA -- 26 sailors made it into an undisclosed port along the eastern seaboard this evening despite having been attacked by what has been described as a "giant penis." As of this hour, reports are a bit sketchy. However, the Capta...
Read full storyBear Grylls in shocking anthropomorphism claim
Bear Grylls, star of the hit reality TV show 'Man VS Wild', mountaineer and ex British special forces operative, has become embroiled in a shocking row following allegations of anthropomorphism by 'Survivorman' star Les Stroud.
Read full storyCivilian Prez Mush to India - accept my offer to recognize LOC as international border and surrender Pak claim to Kashmir!!
Pervez Musharraf's hand-picked Supreme Court which was appointed by himself, after a declaration of emergency has delivered the predictably 'favored' res...
Read full storyGovernment Buy Ailing Bank
UK Chancellor Alistair Darling has announced the nationalisation of failing bank Northern Rock.
Read full storyChevron corralls Cheney's Corrupt Bastards with oil trader sting op
San Ramon, California - (Rioters): Chevron majority stockholders are cock-a-hoop after luring Dickless Cheney's mercenaries into harassing the big oil corporation into a $30 million sting in the oil-for-food kickbacks case.
Read full storyCompany Announces Drug to Cure MSB
A drug company has announced today that it will be releasing to the market the new drug Driagra to cure temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostate region, a condition more commonly known as Massive Sperm Buildup (MSB) or Blue Balls.
Read full storyIran Wants OPEC To Dump U.S. Dollar. U.S. Wants OPEC To Dump Iran.
During the current OPEC meeting being held in the Middle East, the short loudmouth dictator/president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, today called for OPEC oil producing nations to stop pricing oil in dollars and, instead, demand that the valuable blac...
Read full storyOffice Life: Researchers Link Gag Reflex and Career Progression
Researchers from the Institute of Organisational Psychology have today announced the results of a lengthy study into career progression, and have controversially revealed an indisputable link between career progression and the gag reflex.
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens: "My vagina is a wormhole to fame"
Hollywood, California - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): High School Musical starlet Vanessa Hudgens has told admirers on her social networking site that shagging her is a sure-fire way to Hollywood stardom:...
Read full storyPortuguese slanging match as cops make Gorgon Brown 'arguido'
Drowning Street - (Rotters): A full scale slanging match has erupted after Portuguese police named UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown an 'arguido'.
Read full storyKate Middleton loses £100,000 BBC contract after sex and drugs sting
London - (Dumbass Mess): Desperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton is in shock today after being booted off a £100,000 BBC Strictly Come Dancing contract following a successful sex and drugs sting fiasco by a Daily Tosser undercover reporter.
Read full storyGrease VS. Grease 2
I know that in today's world that this entire subject is absurd, unimportant, and just plain stupid, but this a debate that must be faced!...
Read full storyCops close in on Hellfire Club tosser and his cuckoo brat
New Scotland Yard - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): The Serious Fraud Squad is tightening its grip around ex-Prime Monster Tony Blair's secret spawn as a huge dossier of corruption evidence finally reveals the full extent of Hellfire Club treachery.
Read full storyWhat's for Dinner?
I must say that cooking dinner in my house has become an adventure. What should I cook? Who will eat what? The hell with them all, they can eat what I cook or they don't eat! Having more than one child, you have to face the fact that dinner time will never be the same. Once your second born arrives, it's all down hill. There will be an argument over what is for dinner. "I don't li...
Read full storyBalboa
Okay, I just finished watching the newest instalment to the Rocky Balboa movies. I have heard a lot of great things about this movie as compared to the last one, so I thought I would give it a try.
Read full storyTommy the Musical
Perhaps I am being too over analytical about this. For those of you that remember the musical TOMMY the Who's musical, this is for you and to educate those if ever they see it.
Read full storyPuppet Monarch: My Diamond Honeymoon Nightmare Fears
Buckingham Palace, London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): After successfully steering the hideous tightrope of today's Westmonster Abbey Thanksgiving Service to mark 60 years of public deception wedding whoppers the Puppet Monarch has summoned her guard...
Read full storySteve McClaren - What A Fantastic Manager!
Steve McClaren, the England coach under pressure last week, is today being described as "the best England manager ever in the history of England managers" after his team came through the weekend unscathed, and now look likely to qualify for the Euro…
Read full storyAbramovich Leaves Chelsea For FC Abramograd
Roman Abramovich, ex-KGB oligarch and 74th most evil man on the planet, has left Chelsea in a rage, manager Avram Grant citing the billionaires reasons to be, in the Russian's own words as a disagreement with "that w****r John Cherry and an...
Read full storyCanada's RCMP Defends Taser Torture and Murder at Airport
OTTAWA (FMLiveWire) - In response to public outrage at the death of the innocent Polish man tasered, tortured and murdered by Mounties at Vancouver International Airport last month, RCMP Commissioner William Elliott issued an idiotic statement on Sat...
Read full storyBuckingham Palace Agrees to DNA testing
London -- Prince Harry, the youngest son of Prince Charles will be undergoing DNA tests Buckingham Palace revealed today. Initially, the tests were thought to be ordered to verify his princely paternity, as spurious reports about Princess Diana and...
Read full storyPreparations Begin For The Most Important Holiday Of The Year: American Thanksgiving
LONDON - The fourth Thursday of November is nearly upon us and with it comes the most important holiday of the year: American Thanksgiving.
Read full storyWalgreens (WAG) Bans Ron Paul Supporters from Premises
In a surprising development, Walgreens has announced that supporters of Ron Paul are now banned from shopping in the 6059 Walgreens stores across the country.
Read full storyPolice describe area man as "a person of no interest".
Police departments have long used the term "person of interest" to refer to crime suspects, albeit ones with as yet too little evidence against them to arrest. But not Herbert N. Schlomberg. Chicago area cops describe him as a person of NO interest.
Read full storyCelebrants of southern "man room" come together for "Man Olympics," venicent chili, cheap beer and Polish sausage; impress each other with manly sounds and bubble bursting; lucky to survive the night
Celebrants of the completion of a "man room" in the home of Blacky Poplarski, "The Polish sausage" reveled this morning in the wee hours, regressing about 10 years in age for every hour they stayed up drinking beyond midnight.
Read full storyFred Thompson Gets Plastic Surgery to Look Like Ron Paul, Doesn't Fool Anyone
Washington, DC (AP) - Presidential candidate and talented block of wood Fred Thompson stunned his ten followers Thursday when he went under the knife of local plastic surgeon Red Torrence in an effort to make himself physically, if not ideologically,...
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