Preparations Begin For The Most Important Holiday Of The Year: American Thanksgiving

Funny story written by tzdan

Monday, 19 November 2007

image for Preparations Begin For The Most Important Holiday Of The Year: American Thanksgiving
The oppressive turkey, which is killed and eaten to represent the freedom of America.

LONDON - The fourth Thursday of November is nearly upon us and with it comes the most important holiday of the year: American Thanksgiving.

Preparations are beginning for American Thanksgiving, which, as its name suggests, is the day that people across the entire globe gather together with family and friends to feast and give thanks to the one true Christian god for our great beacon of hope and freedom: America.

Though people from all cultures and countries celebrate the founding of America, many do not know the true story behind the holiday of Thanksgiving. Children will once again receive gifts of Indian and Pilgrim action figures, but many do not know what an Indian or a Pilgrim is.

For this reason, the The London Library has decided to have readings of the story of the first Thanksgiving throughout the week to reeducate celebrants.

"It's a bit of a shame that many people don't know the story of Thanksgiving," said head librarian Gertrude Steiner. "Men will take up their muskets and go on the traditional turkey hunt without knowing that the the turkey represents oppression and that by killing and eating it, we are celebrating freedom for American and for all."

According to Steiner, the first Thanksgiving was celebrated in the newly created colony of New York, where the Pilgrims held a sumptuous feast to celebrate their arrival in America.

The Pilgrims had recently fled religious persecution by the godless king of England, and were thankful for their arrival in America, where they could be free to practice their own religious persecution of others.

On the first Thanksgiving day, both white-skinned Pilgrims and red-skinned Indians sat down together at the very same table, until the Indians were chased from the table when it was learned that they were godless heathens.

As the years passed and America grew into nationhood, the first Thanksgiving feast was not forgotten. Soon the great holiday was being celebrated across the globe, as people of all colors and creeds gave thanks for that we have the American ideal to strive for.

So this Thursday, when you gather with family and friends to celebrate Thanksgiving, give thanks not only to America, but to the Pilgrims who founded this great nation.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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