God ends centuries old commute; will live amongst the people
God announced today that He was tired of commuting from Heaven and would be trading in his Lexus for a smaller vehicle soon, possibly a Toyota truck.
Read full storyIn God We Rust?
Washington DC - (Ass mess): An oversight at the Federal Reserve's coin minting division has meant that over fifty thousand brand new George W Bush dollar coins have been minted in a cheap, rust-prone iron alloy and without the timeless Constituti...
Read full storyWarren Jeffs' Bush family mausoleum work grinds to a halt
Wacko, Texas - (Rioters): Work on the construction of the Bush family mausoleum at Warren Jeff's Wacko site has ground to a halt after Warren Jeffs, the self-styled spiritual head of the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Assholes, was indicted...
Read full storyDwarves 1 Disney 0
Media giant, Disney has backed out of a lawsuit over the slogan, 'A Place Where Dreams Come True.' The slogan, which Disney has been using to advertise it's theme parks, is actually owned by a Newcastle businessman who uses it for his mob...
Read full storyNo More Discrimination for Race, Sex, Religion... or Personality
The California legislature has passed a new law making it illegal for any employer, educational institution or landlord operating within its borders to "discriminate against any citizen on the basis of race, sex, age, religion, sexual orientatio...
Read full storyNaomi wipes the floor with judge's verdict
New York - (Rotters): Supermodel Naomi Campbell will begin her community service sentence on 19th March by working as a scrubber at a Lower East Side warehouse for the New York Sanitation Department.
Read full storyPanda love: A shocking expose!!
Shanghai- Ever since the People's Republic of China decided it wasn't actually Communist, but instead a voracious capitalistic beast, money has flowed effortlessly from the state coffers and into the pockets of a new class of Chinese super ri...
Read full storyBlair hails Hellfire Club's golden age of black arts
Drowning Street - (Rotters): Prime Monster Tony Blair has told the annual general meeting of the UK Hellfire Club that the UK is living through a golden age of black arts not seen since the Rasputin era and the fledgeling days of the papacy of Hilte...
Read full storyMcCaine: "I found Religion -- now leave me alone damn it!"
Republican Senator John McCaine is off to the promised land -- exit 6 ( PA-84 )-- to confer with the Rev. Jerry Fallwell on the upcoming primary.
Read full storyM.T.V, Announces "Greatest Song Ever Written"
M.T.V. announced the winner of it's "All Time Greatest Song" Award yesterday. It was a close call between "Greensleeves" which has given the gift of timelessness to countless Generations, and "My Humps" by the Blac...
Read full storyThe Devil writes Pravda
Moscow- The beautiful Stalinist architecture of the Russian capital, long admired by British council architects, has seen many a scandal come and go but the latest one seems set to rumble for a while to come.
Read full storyBill Clinton To Back Barack Obama
Wall Street Kernel - It was recently disclosed, (but don't tell Hillary) that former President Bill Clinton has secretly made a deal with the Barack Obama camp to begin backing Senator Obama for the Democratic nomination for President, doing all...
Read full storySex Pistols To Reform For Queen's Birthday Bash
The Sex Pistols are to get back together again for a concert at a Buckingham Palace party to commemorate the Queen's 115th birthday.
Read full storyBarcelona thrashed 2-2! Ronaldinho whinges, Gerrard rapt with technicality
Barcelona were knocked out of the Champions League today by beating Liverpool at home 0-1. Barcelona's Ronaldinho was heartbroken after winning the game, having to head back to Spain where only his millions of dollars, beautiful women, endorsemen...
Read full story13-year-old Boy Jailed For Robbery & Assault In Legal Wrangling Mess
A 13-year-old boy who violently assaulted and robbed a 14-year-old classmate, has been given an 8-year jail sentence at the Old Bailey.
Read full storyNorwegian woodwork - Risse beats Barca in crossbar shoot out.
Barcelona, 'the best team in the world', have been shown to be utter crap. So confident were the hosts Liverpool of their progression in the Champions League, they spent an entire game just trying to get the ball to hit the post, or as near...
Read full storySuspected Bum Bomber arrested
An Iraqi air passenger was detained at Los Angeles International Airport yesterday when he was discovered to have a magnet inserted up his rectum. Suspicion was first aroused when was seen standing in the boarding queue with a chain of paper clips da...
Read full storyBeatles to Reunite
The Fab Four are set to please the fans and stage a comeback special at the Royal Albert Hall.
Read full storyNaomi Campbell will wear Versace boilersuit when scrubbing New York urinals
Supermodel, Naomi Campbell, has told fashion magazine 'Fagwatch' that she will be sporting the new Versace Boilersuit range whilst carrying out her scrubber duties at a New York methadone clinic's urinal.
Read full storyA juicy quote from Ann Coulter
I ran into Ann Coulter outside of the grocery store today. Actually, I almost ran into her, as I busily tripped over my tongue when I recognized her.
Read full storyGeneologists Find that Levy and Libby Are the Same Names!
Mormons, the undisputed familial arbologists, have announced that Libby and Levy are in essence the same name. The otherwise obscure discovery has leapt into the headlines because Lord Scooter and Levy are both involved in scandals from Atlantic coas...
Read full storyEdible Missiles to Change People's View of War
The United States Military announced today the development of a new type of missile that is aimed at gaining humanitarian ground all over the world. The new armament is being touted as a surefire way to help turn the U.S. Military's image of being...
Read full storyAll 3 Mega Millions Jackpot Winners Homeless People
ATLANTIS, GEORGIA--(BREAKING NEWS)Lucky Numbers are, 16-22-29-39-42, Mega Ball+20, Christmas came early for the three winners of the biggest Jackpot in lotto history. The Mega Millions winners have all turned out to be homele...
Read full storyErnest Gallo Goes to Hell!
In an amazing replay of the Lucan Gospel parable of Dives the rich man who denied the leperous, starving Lazarus the very crumbs from his sumptuous table, Ernest Gallo was sent to hell today for his oppression of poor, migrant grape-pickers who helpe...
Read full storyAlan Colmes Enters the Record Books For Repetition
Television host Alan Colmes found himself entered into the Guinness Book of World Records for asking the same question the most times in one interview last Monday (fourteen to be exact.)...
Read full storyReid-Reade-Reed Theater-Hospital Debuts with Operation!The Not-Yet-Civil War
Congressman Harry Reid has taken over Walters Reade-Reed Theater and Medical Hospital as Ceo and Chief Surgeon.
Read full storyScooter Libby to Star in New Revival of Fall Guy
The US TV series that celebrated the skills of a movie stuntman, The Fall Guywill be revived next season starring former #2 to Dick"Sureshot" Cheney.
Read full storyBush Discovers South America Is South of Texas!
GWB admitted that all of these references about South America caused him to think of some region just below the Mason-Dixon line: "So sue me! I didn't pay attention in geography!", was all the Decider-Prez had to decide.
Read full storyPatient at Walter Reed Hospital Reattaches Own Arm
Embroiled in controversy over the inadequate care given to military patients in Iraq, Walter Reed suffered yet another setback today when Pvt. fc. Jonathan Byrne revealed that a month ago while at a Walter Reed hospital, he--and not a doctor--had sur...
Read full storyGlory holes add another dimension to artist colony
In an effort to educate, entertain and raise money at an artist's colony, it was reported today that glory holes were added to the walls of the MacDowell artist's colony in New Hampshire.
Read full storyHardaway Conquers Homophobia. Now Battles Hobo Phobia.
Miami, FL - Former NBA legend Tim Hardaway apologized Sunday for his anti-gay remarks, telling a Miami television station, "I didn't mean to say that. Or more accurately - I didn't mean to get caught saying that. How was I to know that &...
Read full storyVote For The Worst Contestant On American Idol!
There is a new underground movement in the Unites States: voting for the worst contestant on American Idol to keep that singer in the competition. While this has been rumored for years (remember Scott, Ace, and that Hawaiin girl?), no actual proof h...
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